Messages By: mommakit

Quote From: wavdancr

it's so hard to say!  but here goes ... today it's like throwing a dart at the dartboard ... blindfolded!

my heart goes out to pat, steve and kim. it is hard to determine anyone's true *intent* by watching them on tv ...

i have one friend who also doesn't like who her daughter is dating. but, her ex is just awful! to this day he wishes my friend was dead and is sorry he's a father. his daughter has grown up watching him do whatever he can to make her and her mom's life miserable. her mom, my friend, has done a great job healing and dealing with everything ... but her daughter still hates her father and that's where my friend's concern about her dating habits comes from. so i have to admit that she's wise to be concerned ...

what if this daughter is just dating her guy to rebel against her controlling father? what if he's got a lot of issues, too, because that's all this daughter thinks she deserves in a boyfriend? 

but this isn't what i see happening here. steve seems to be a bit of a wuss (sorry, steve) who's picked pat as his fiance partly because she'll stand up to his mom for him. steve, why did you choose to come onto national tv to hash this out w/ your mom?  why not maybe meet w/ her minister (or another caring intermediary) and work things out in private?  i'm sorry if you felt that's what you had to do, but the next time some issue comes up between you, can you find that caring intermediary instead?  working through things this way seems like manipulative and shaming behavior, ... and, on air, you almost seemed to be enjoying the hard feelings between kim and your mom.  that is not good at all.

kim, why were you holding onto steve the so much time we saw you guys on tv? it looked like you were trying to physically pull him away from his mom.  ... that's part of the message communicated by that hanging on.  the other part of that is that you're saying you don't trust him and/or your relationship when you're not literally hanging onto him.  when you weren't holding onto him, you were leaning towards him.  he wasn't holding your hand, he wasn't leaning towards you ...  i understand the insecurity behind possessive behavior and  i know that no one's perfect, but none of us can find real happiness in life if we are looking for it in or from someone else. remember, you are not marrying just steve, you are marrying into his *whole family*, including his mom ... because that's just what marriage is all about.  remember, he and his mom might make peace between themselves even if you marry ... if your relationship w/ steve is based on you coming between the two of them, i guarantee you are not going to have much of a relationship when things are worked out between them. 

pat, watching our children make their own decisions is scary!  we imagine all sorts of bad things happening because of it!  empty nesting is scary! it's ok to be scared!! but you got to let him go. remember ... he will be closer to you when you let him live his own life than when you're trying to keep your hold on him.  that said, he might be making a terrible mistake and perhaps marry someone who is all wrong for him.  but if that's what he has to do in life to learn and grow, then that's what he'll have to do.  don't judge, don't try to pull him apart from her because he will just want her all the more if you do.  just keep telling him how much you love and trust him and believe in him.  good luck with this.

Quote From: son_of_ares

 Wow the twins look alot better.  They actually are very cute girls......  The thing with Joni going and buying heroin through me off.  I didn't understand that.  So she's having some pain and taking pain medication then that makes her want to go to the neighborhood where she helped the twins escape and buy some heroin?  That's crazy.  So she did two bags of dope......that doesn't make her an addict and you're not going to be addicted to heroin in 48 hours. 

Quote From: kazinia

Joni is a master manipulator. I knew she was full of it when she was on the show rescuing people ... maybe so she could be back on the show?  I thought Dr. Phil was smarter than this. She is a health care professional ... who is she kidding? Ultram? A prescription pill addiction that moved up a few notches to snorting heroin? Give me a break. She is in denial and Dr. Phil is, too.  jcb

Quote From: junebug38134

After watching the girls on the show today, I remembered how proud I was the day I graduated from Rehab in S. Fla.

I was 35 yrs old, mother of 2 grown boys and hurricane Andrew hit S Fla/  I had many friends that were in the same situation that I was in as far as a home goes........except my husband brought home a "friend" that the hurricane demolished his house and since he had a son, I said that he could stay with us for a few days.  That is where I was introduced to crack cocaine.  I was an office manager for a Surgeon, who I ended up writing bad checks out and after ,bout 5 years of drugging and getting money anywhere Family, Friends and even stealing from my boss, I was arrested!  For Gods sake, this was not me, I was the baseball MOM!  I then was put on probation and eventually violated for being dirty.  I was sent to jail for 8 days, when I released, went back to the same thing.  Again, I came up dirty and that was when I was sent to a drug rehab.  When I first went in and they told me I would be there 9 months, I thought they were out of their mind!  I can remember this as if it was yesterday, I had been there for 3 months and was standing in the shower when it finally hit me, HEY, I DO BELONG HERE!  After that, the rehab was a breeze.  When I got out, I had nothing, but within 2 weeks, I mananged to find a small house and a 450. car to get to work, only to realize that my husband was still using.  I had a good job, packed up everything that would fit into my car and moved to another state.  I am presently  a HR manager for a lg company and am a VERY proud grandma.

What I am getting at, is, that there are days that I do not even think about those days, but I deep  down I will never forget.  I recently received a promotion at work and sent the email that was sent to all of my co-workers from my boss to my parents.  They were so very proud, my mom must have forwarded that email to everyone I have ever known.  To me just that alone was enough to keep me clean.  It has been 10 years now, and I will be 50 yrs old in a few months, but like I said in the very beginning, I will never forget the proud feeling that I had when I left rehab.  Girls, keep up the good work, no it will not be easy dealing with real life, you just learn to cope.  Keep your chin up, your head held high and plan one day at a time.

Quote From: son_of_ares

 if you are on pain medication (also called opiates.....such as hydrocodone, loretabb,morphine)  for a prolonged period your body WILL DEFINITELY become dependent on these.  It is a price you will pay to deal with the pain.  Is it worth it?  You have to answer that for yourself.  If it's working for you  and keeps the pain away then you  gotta do what you gotta do.  Good luck. 

Quote From: hopeful07

I have a brother who is a "recovering" heroin addict. He thinks he is recovered but he hasn't come anywhere close to it. The hardest thing, I think for a family member is knowning there potential in life, remembering them when they were clean. My mother is an enabler she doesn't know the term of tough love. She is very scared to loose her only son to this horrible disease. Addiction is very frustrating, I have been there for my brother by just letting him know that I love him and that I will support him in every way possible. But he does nothing to change his ways, he stills associates with the same kind of people. He does what he wants, and takes advantage of my parents. Its a families worst nightmare to see there loved ones go through this. I am scared that I'm going to loose my brother. The twins are lucky that they had this chance to go into rehab and start to change there lives. 10% is the drug 90% is the behavior associated with the drugs. Although my brother says he hasn't used in almost a year. He still has the behavior of a drug addict...stealing, lying etc. just like an addict. I have hope and faith. I have let go and let God. Anyone out there who thinks that there calling is to help those who are addicts, and wants to share your story with him,  Jimmy (my brother) could use every bit of inspiration from someone who is a recovered addict. He is a very kind and openminded person.Take care and God Bless you all...I'm keeping the twins in my thoughts and prayers

Quote From: lilkimyak

I just watched the show, and I am amazed on how good these girls look. Sarah is happy feels good about herself and has a goal in life, Tecoa I new had relapsed because of the baby. She just has not hit rock bottom yet. I am very hopeful for her because I feel her sister will help her. I am a recovery addict of METH. I was around the Bikers and the lifestyle doing drugs, I loved it. I didnt hit bottom I chose to quit or get my kids taken away. So today 8 years later I am still clean and sober. I feel for the girls because i know what it feels like to have that need which is so overwhelming that if I was clean I would never do things that I'm not proud of. I'm so proud of these girls. Dr. Phil you are awesome.

Quote From: kcmomof3

In June of this year, I will have ten years clean.  I was addicted to crack cocaine and had lost my children.   I met a man in recovery who later relapsed.  I tried everything possible to keep him clean.  I couldn't do it.  If he's not willing, it won't work.  Love him the best you can and let him know you are there for him.  But  you can't keep him clean.  Just pray for him and keep yourself clean.  My husband took his own life two and a half years ago.  He was depressed and couldn't or wouldn't get off the drugs.  I know the pain you are experiencing even though your husband is still there.  I've been in your situation.  Just continue to go to the meetings and stay clean!  I'll be thinking of you.

Quote From: kcmomof3

In June of this year, I will have ten years clean.  I was addicted to crack cocaine and had lost my children.   I met a man in recovery who later relapsed.  I tried everything possible to keep him clean.  I couldn't do it.  If he's not willing, it won't work.  Love him the best you can and let him know you are there for him.  But  you can't keep him clean.  Just pray for him and keep yourself clean.  My husband took his own life two and a half years ago.  He was depressed and couldn't or wouldn't get off the drugs.  I know the pain you are experiencing even though your husband is still there.  I've been in your situation.  Just continue to go to the meetings and stay clean!  I'll be thinking of you.

Quote From: baileytrail

After reading all of the letters that have been posted regarding these girls, I saw how much their story has effected people.  I had twin sons and lost one to heroin five years ago at the age of 17.  He asked for help and it was hard to find a facility that would even take him.  Many places asked what court was sending him.  Sad to think they have to be in trouble with the law in order to be looking for help.  He was in residential treatment for just short of two months.  One week after he came home, he relapsed.  My husband found him in his room.  He had been an athlete and was good in school...great neighborhood.  He had friends that pressured him for close to two years to even try pot.  Pier pressure finally won.  First pot, then meth, and finally heroin.  There were hundreds of people at the funeral.  I had no idea my son had effected so many people.  The people that gave him that lethal dose were probably there as well.  My hope is that at least some that attended the service that day may have changed their lives for the better.  I stopped by the grave sight on the fourth anniversary of his death and there were two friends of his past sitting on a bench we had placed by his grave sight.  I was surprised to see them there - that people still remember him and pay their respects.  I only had one of my twins go through this and not survive.  To see both these girls go through this and survive lifts my spirit to no end.  I hope their story may touch someone out there that is struggling.  That they can find the help they need.  It's such a shame that so many need the help but financially can't get it.  It about broke us, but we got through it.  My prayers are for all of you out there struggling!