Messages By: mommakit

I believe THIS FATHER believes that he is loving. I believe his intention is good, but I think he is manipulating his daughter's lives. This is very subtle, but because i grew up with a manipulating mother, I can spot it.
The "Purity Ball" was really disturbing!!!! Too Right Wing for me! I'm afraid that this father's intentions will back-fire on him (if he truly has their best interests in mind). These girls are "learning" from him, to be "dependent" on another for their well being. To become a healthy grownup we have to "practice" making decisions on our own. I imagine that these girls haven't had lots of opportunities to do this. I started allowing my children to make choices at a young age and I think it has paid off. Not that they don't make mistakes, but they are not afraid of making decisions in adulthood.
These young women are getting a distorted view of relationships. I believe the job of a Father is to guide gently, first by setting a good example, then by teaching his children to feel comfortable (emotionally safe) communicating with him. One of the greatest problems with divorce (and mine was as healthy as they come) is that fathers don't seem to see the importance of remaining connected with their children. My oldest (daughter) acted out just so she could call her father and get some desperately needed attention from him. He just DIDN'T GET IT. She eventually became addicted to cocaine, but has been in recovery for three years (29 yrs old). I see is so plainly NOW.....I don't believe FATHERS understand how important developmentally, their relationships with their children are. Divorce is NOT the Cause of this situation, it just makes it more obvious. Unfortunately ........ Most of these fathers probably STILL wouldn't get it. Some, CHOOSE not to get it.
This is a VERY important topic and I wish there was more healthy discussion about it in our media.
Thank you for the topic.