Messages By: debbie_m

I'm sure I speak for others when I say that Alex is not at representative of the vast majority of young people diagnosed with AS.  What a wonderful opportunity Dr. Phil had to de-mystify and explain some of the traits associated with AS.  Instead, I'm afraid that these already isolated young people have been portrayed as someone to be feared. 

My 23 year-old nephew has AS.  His story is too long to recount here, but someday look for the best-seller, because his mom and I are going to sit down and write Billy's story.  We have read every expert (surf Tony Attwood, read Dr. Temple Grandin's story, surf Wired Magazine's article entited "Geek Syndrome"), there you'll get a better feel of what Asperger's is all about. 

These kids are highly intelligent and simply lack the social skills to "fit in".  They can't read normal social cues, the are often the target of bullies, they have strange "preoccupations" with everythng from light switches to maps to money to computers, they can learn to "memorize" socially appropriate behavior.  Asperger kids often have highly educated parents, often engineers, talented musicians and a family lineage where you can find someone who you can characterize as "odd".  Albert Einstein, Ben Franklin and others are listed as possible famous people with this disorder. 

No question, the teen years are the worst.  My nephew was thrown out of every elementary school he attended.  He was disruptive and the class clown.  He longed simply to fit in and just couldn't figure out "how".  High school was even worse.  He struggled to make friends and instead was targetting as the perfect patsy because he was so smart.  Kids would force him to do their homework.  It was a long frustrating journey.  AS wasn't even on the books until 1994, when Billy already 11 years old and had been to every "special school" in his area.  In May of 2001 we took Billy to an Asperger's Conference in Dallas, Texas (we live in Canada).  There we all had an opportunity to list to Key Note speakers, including Dr. Temple Grandin, who spoke about the light at the end of the tunnel. 

It does get better.  For children who truly have AS, and are not mis-diagnosed, it does get better.  Hang in there parents, I understand that sometimes it's hard just to put one foot in front of the other.  Billy did have his crisis' - one after another for about 5 years.  But with therapy and social skills training, he has been able to "fake it".  The part of his brain that is so highly intelligent has had to train the other part that doesn't understand when a conversation is winding down.   He still has preoccupations, but thankfully they have moved from "light switches" and "fiscal policy" to constitutional law.  In a few months, our beloved Bill will be graduating from university with his first of what we expect will be many degrees.  He is a delightful, insightful, calm, thoughtful and always gentle young man who has come through a childhood that would leave most of us broken! 

I only wish Dr. Phil had profiled one of the thousands of "Billy's" out there in the same situation.  You can't imagine how refreshing it was to be in Dallas as that AS conference in a room full of people just like Billy, with successful careers, dreams, hopes and a future. 

Good for you for carrying on.  As I've said on other postings, my nephew, now 23 and about to graduate from University has AS.  So does his father, who earned a PhD in Philosophy and is teaching at an Ivy League school.   

AS is what makes him charming, unique and and so focused. It is also what made the early years so difficult for his mother (my sister).  My nephew had delayed speech, until at the age of 3 he started speaking in complete sentences with an extensive vocabulary.  He didn't like toys, but prefered to dismantle anything mechancial in the entire house.  We used to have hide anything he could use as a screw driver.  At 18 months he could dismantle a door handle in 5 minutes flat.  He didn't like to be held or coddled.  He never, ever held his own bottle.  He didn't like the texture of foods and my sister had to blend everthing for years!  He had his "topics" that he became an expert in.  He taught himself to programme in C++ as a pre-teen.  He had an odd, monotone inflection in his speech--without expression or excitement (unless it was about his favoritie "topic" du jour).  He disliked sports - all sports.  He prefered to read history books and became more isolated from his peers.  Yet he had this unrelenting ability to pick himself up and get back in the saddle.  Kids were cruel.  He was invited to parties that didn't exist.  He was bullied by little thugs half his size and he would never, ever defend himself.  He has a strong sense of right and wrong and follows "rules" to the letter.  This made him an excellent employee on little part time jobs.  Thankfully, like your son, he made a good friend that saw him through the rough teen years.  We always told him, that he only needed one friend.  Yes, he had panic attacks and episodes that had in trouble with the law - although the police always figured out there was something no tquite right with him and sent him home.  It's a long and bumpy road - no question - but there is hope.   

Good luck to you and your family - your son will be just fine with you to guide him. 

Debbie in Canada