Messages By: sarabear

I really wish Dr. Phil would do some type of show called personality disorders 101, because it takes having someone say this is how the characteristics of  pathological narcissism play out in real life,  to help people see just what being mentally ill is. There was absolutely no point in trying to convince, Vance, that he needed help. People who are as sick as he is usually never get better (because they think they are fine) and will only apologize if they want something. I hope Christie gets though it okay, being in a relationship with a person like that can make finding up almost impossible, not to mention dealing with the unimaginable depression and anger over the horrible way the person who you wanted to love you as much as you loved them, treated you.  It helped me (well after I imagined him/them dying over and over), to realize that my grief and anger (and well feelings) are what make me a good caring human being regardless of how painful. The person who treated me that badly is suffering so much that they can’t allow themselves to have any feelings of their own so all of their hurt/anger/guilt is projected onto others because really inside they are empty and they want to make everybody else feel the same way they do. They are truely lost. When I think of it that way, the only thing left to feel towards them is pity-

I think the woman who lost her daughter is obviously very upset, and grieving. Yes bulling is horrible but that was no different than the kinds of  bulling that occurs in schools face to face, girls can be incredibly mean. The mother of the girl who did it is a different story, if she indulged her daughter then she should be brought up on charges of neglect.  Encouraging a child to bully is child abuse and she should be held accountable for that. The girl doing the bullying should also be punished for her behavior but it should be in line with what is considered normal for bulling, even though the outcome was severe. She isn’t the one who took her life, but she will live with the guilt the rest of her life.

The poor young girl who thought her life was so bad at such a young age that she needed to die is very sad.  I have my doubts that incident was the only reason however; she either had other bad things that happened to her, bad coping skills or both.  It would be more effective to teach those types of life skills to children so they can deal with it, than it would be to make a law out of it. Spend the energy on encouraging counseling.

The woman who made the joke has every right to free speech, but people in a position of power have to act responsible. She was supposed to be a role model looking out for the rights of the people she served. She didn’t do that.

The guy with the video game, well I understand those types of things can be blocked and players can be banned, but threatening to kill someone isn’t okay. Death threats should always be taken seriously.

In general I believe anything that directly affects the welfare of children at the hands of an adult should be a crime, and it already is. The woman who helped her daughter committed a crime. The pedophiles who prey on children and have websites and chat rooms are committing crimes, kiddy porn and its propaganda should be illegal period. Someone who says you’re a jerk and spreads rumors about you, has every right to do that and just because they put it on the internet thusly telling the world ( most of which are people who don’t care) is no different then if they just tell everyone in your school or office. You have to cope. People are survivors not victims.

I work in an environment that is predominantly male. They are all pilots which I think is a very similar personality type to doctors. Those types of professions attract and in many ways create people who are somewhat narcissistic and overly ego driven. In order to survive in those careers those traits are necessary. I have found military, law enforcement and firefighters also have these traits. From watching men of this type, and men in general, I noticed two things; one they compartmentalize everything, two they live by the motto “fake it till you make it” i.e. usually they don’t know as much as claim and half  the time they are in complete denial about this. Women do the exact opposite.  

I think Dr. Storke was well intentioned but I think he approached it like someone true to his profession and gender would, and I don’t think it is really helpful for women. Women DO NOT COMPARTMENTALIZE unless they learned it some where it doesn’t come naturally. So a book full of labels is interpreted by women as “this is why you suck and why your not worth anything, why men don’t like you and why you need to bend over backwards and change who you are because who you are isn’t good enough ect…” we paint those things over every part of who we are. I have had to counsel so many male flight instructors who teach women pilots because men don’t seem to get that women do this, it’s why we call you insensitive. One guy had his female student write down on paper everything she did wrong on the flight so that she could go home and study those things. He totally thought he was being helpful, but really he can completely destroyed her self esteem. When I finally got her it took me months to undo all of the damage caused by that one event. She didn’t believe me when I explained to her that she was just as good as all of her peers, because she had the sheet of paper to prove she wasn’t.  

One another note, the last thing the girl who lost all the weight needed was to be asked out on a date.  She vanished in her marriage. That guy only liked her because she was pretty, she was still trying to learn who she was. She can’t do that if some Mr. Awesome asks her out, she will disappear again. In my opinion that was just mean and irresponsible. She deserved a chance to get better and that guy will just keep her sick.

 Yes definately into control, however they tend to be really good at placing it under the guise of being helpful like the Dr. did.  The saddest thing is usually they are lying the most to themselves but since they aren't aware of the deceit people listen and are drawn to what they say.

I got the impression that with that book he was trying somehow to change women so that it would make his world better but what he tells himself is that he is really trying to help women and they could be so much happierif they just stopped doing certain things. I think this type of thinking comes across as godlike and condescending.

Well a lot of people seem to be giving Robin a hard time for saying she, “never raised her voice to her kids.”  She usually seems to be a little nervous when she is on stage. Right before she said that she was talking about how she always told her kids they were beautiful, precious ect, so not to put words in her mouth but I think she meant she never called them names or put them down. I think most parents raise their voice and express anger which is normal, but not all parents verbally abuse their children by name calling.  In any regard I don’t think it was her intent to say she was mother of the year. I think she saw a wonderful young man who was being mistreated and had a motherly response. She was being incredibly kind to someone who wasn’t really used to that.  I think she was having a hard time wrapping her mind around the fact that this woman was obviously mistreating her son. She made a mistake, geeze, don’t let it overshadow the nice thing she did. This is one of the few Dr. Phil shows that made me cry, I wanted to give that poor kid a hug.  

On another note, I think that mother is absolutely crazy and so is the step dad. I’ve seen enough people react like that in my life to know what that is, and that is crazy. I don’t believe the step-dad would have married her if he was normal or even close to normal. The strange way he was speaking on stage just gave me the creeps. Michael couldn’t be expected to do any better living in that type of an environment. They should count there lucky stars he isn’t doing much worse. I hope she gets help, but people that sick don’t have the best odds at getting better. I hope Michael gets a really good therapist and learns how to keep his family at a safe healthy distance and finds people in his life who see how wonderful he is.

Paul and his wife are very selfish and can’t see past the end of their own nose. BUT, I come from a family, including extended family, where addiction is very prevalent and it comes in all forms, drugs, alcohol, smoking, food ect.  The smokers and others in my family use the same line, “if I can be happy with a shorter life so be it.”  It makes them feel better and distracts them from deeper issues and they truly believe that this self destructive behavior brings them joy. In reality it is just a very poor coping strategy but since it is the only one they have they can’t bear to part with it. Everyone looking at them can see different, but telling them they are killing themselves and hurting their children won’t help. There are two ways to approach addiction one is to get them to stop the addiction first, but for some that’s like asking them to part with a limb. The other way is to deal with the underlying problems that cause them to choose a self-destructive path, enough to allow them to see it is possible to have a happy life (happier actually) without their drug of choice. I also had problems with addiction but if I hadn’t dealt with the deeper issues first I never would have quit, it would have been impossible. Once I dealt with them and realized I was perpetuating the dysfunctional path which had caused me so much pain, I quit and I have no desire to do those things any more. I think half of all “addictions” are distractions from something deeper and not really a true addiction.

I disagree Rick and that first guy are both narcissistic, pathological abusers.Rick wasn’t upset that he hurt his wife, he was upset that he got labeled so poorly by Dr. Phil and that all of America thought he was a jerk.  The tears and repenting was all an act. His wife wasn’t sure how long it would last and he is still controlling her in other ways and still calling her names like stupid. She knows it’s an act because it’s not the first time she seen him do that. He kept saying how bad he felt that people thought he was a jerk. His apology was staged, he will go right back to his old ways as soon as the spotlight is off of him. The first guy was exactly the same neither one of them had any empathy for their spouse it was all about them. People like them never get any better, they usually get worse and they are very good at pretending, especially when there is an audience. I was most disappointed that Dr. Phil seemed to buy it and didn’t even question the continuation of the name calling or the fact that he still doesn’t let her have any control over the money. In both of those instances the issue of weight wasn’t really the issue, had they both been skinny their husbands would have found something else to brow beat them with. Both of those men are nothing short of evil.

I totally agree. Ricks act totally sucked. I've seen better more convincing tears on bottom barrel soap operas. I still can't believe Dr. Phil bought that junk. I became almost sick when their therapist said how well he’s been doing….. seriously!  I’ve met narcissists who were way better at A) hiding their abuse and B) convincing people that they weren’t abusive or that they had changed. Rick was SO transparent!  His wife is so beaten down I don’t think she even knows which way is up, that was such a disservice to her to go on national television and be told things are turning around hooray what a happy ending- that isn’t what’s happening. She is now more stuck then she was before because now she has hope that he’s actually better. It's like she was actually being abused more by going on the show. The real issue was not adressed, Dr. Phil treated him like he was a normal person capable of normal reasoning. It would take years of thearpy to fix his problems after the years of trying to convice him he had a real problem. Somtimes I think God works on shows like this to convice people they need help and usually thats what I see, but the outcome of RIck and Karen makes me think the devil was the one working the scenes on this one.