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April 29, 2008, 9:17 am PDT

ME TOO!

Quote From: cdp1973

I grew up with a mother who still continues to hoard. She has actually become worse now that my father has passed and my sister and I do not live at home. I have not been inside her house in 11 years. My sister was last in about 4 or 5 years ago. When I was growing up it was just "stuff" she collected, mail, piles of clothes, etc. She rarely cleaned or washed dishes. We ate almost every meal at my Grandparents house who lived 4 houses away. I could never have friends over and when I did, it was at my Grandparents. As we got older and had friends pick us up we would watch and run outside so that they didn't have to come to the door. My sister tells me that my mother now has her kitchen packed with garbage-- empty pepsi and food containers. We also know that the kitchen sink does not work, nor does the stove or refrigerator. I think the bathroom sink is broken but the faucet still works and I believe there is something wrong with the toilet. She did buy a small dorm size refrigerator but has no freezer. Her car is packed full of stuff-- there is only space for her to sit. I dread having to deal with that mess if and when something happens to her. Thank God that her dog died about 5 years ago b/c I can't even imagine what that poor dog dealt with. She does get her grass cut b/c the neighbor does it for $20. No one should have to live this way. I now struggle b/c I feel like everything has to be spotless and germ-free. It has taken me years to realize that I can relax and have a clean home without driving my self crazy thinking that I will end up like her. And with a husband, 2 kids and a dog, I was completely worn out. I do not know what my mother's problem is but she has always held down a decent job and has friends but this is ridiculous. She has no idea what she has done to us not only b/c of the hoarding but I think she has other mental issues as well, I am glad that people are starting to talk about this and I feel like I can start to deal with this. I truly understand what these children are going through, and it is just not right.

I hear ya! I think when my parents die I am just going to burn down the house... its absolutely disgusting. Sometimes I wonder if they just don't know how to throw stuff away. I remember one time I cleaned the two-three foot tall mound of crap of off the coffe table and washed it and my mom blamed me for months because I threw away stuff she "needed," like the bills, even though I kept all of those. I am forever at war with clutter in my own home, much like you are. It isn't just about hording my mom has other problems too and it has been a struggle for me to get out from under them. I am glad to see someone else in here... good luck to you. I just try and remember to put one foot in front of the other and that I need to be patient with myself.

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sarabear

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May 1, 2008, 9:21 am PDT

It worked out for the best

Well I do think those laws are unfair and obscure on purpose, and I do think those parents are controlling and manipulative.

But come on.. she seduced him but she was only nineteen and he was thirty-five! He was supposed to be sober, but he met her in a bar! He wasn’t supposed to date, but did you hear he blames her for seducing him. He still thinks they are going to get back together. I think he wants the baby so he can have leverage over her. I agree that fit fathers should have rights to their child and raise them, but I don’t think this guy is it. I believe her when she said he stood by the door and demanded that they have sex but she doesn’t view it as rape… when your being abused its hard to tell which way is up. You love the person, you would do anything to be with them and you just hope that they realize and treat you better. They pressure you to do stuff, but its put in such a way that feels wrong but at the same time is easily rationalized away. That guy was a snake. Her parents weren’t perfect either, but when you deal with a snake you can’t play nice. The baby is in a happy home…good!

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sarabear

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May 7, 2008, 7:52 pm PDT

TOTALLY

Quote From: music_7

Egoists actually have low self esteem, but avoid feeling the pain of this by, in this case, demeaning and trying to control women, sexual addiction, lying about things they've accomplished etc. Perhaps this is an extreme example, but I remember the case of the husband who killed, ah....I believe it was his pregnant wife, because he had lied about his degrees in college , I believe he had been telling everyone that he was getting a doctorate or some kind of degree, and saw that he was about to be exposed.

The one who so proudly says he slept with over a hundred women REALLY needs help so that he can stop hurting people. He did not go so far as to drug a woman and then rape her, but pretending to drink when he didn't, watching as SHE drank, and then taking advantage of her impaired state is uncomfortably along the same lines.

And he is not able to be himself. For all his bravado, he hides behind his schemes and manipulations rather than take the chance to be himself and find out if he is loveable as he truly is, and to take the chance of truly loving another human being, just as she is. Even in speaking of his monogomous relationships, he spoke of 'stradegies'. I never heard him say one word about caring for or loving anyone, trusting anyone, give and take, tenderness. Aren't those the things that truly last, truly matter? If you don't experience those things, you've really missed out, no matter how many sexual experiences you've had to try and fill in the void inside yourself.

They treat people like objects. Letting him teach a guy how to pick up women was gross. People like him end up lonely and are really just scared to be who they are so they make something up. And hooray for the woman who said they need to be neutered!

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sarabear

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May 8, 2008, 12:31 pm PDT

Taking advantage

Quote From: mitchkj

Just a quick thought...Paul said that he never drinks, stays sober, and than lets the woman get drunk. Where I come from that's considered grooming a women to be unable to fully consent. I wonder if Anyone else caught onto this. It's scary when a man has a plan to get a girl drunk so that he can be sure they'll consent to sex, (if they're even able to) and pathetic that he feels that he has to get a girl drunk to sleep with him. LOSER!!!! Just a thought, but if a girl won't sleep with you sober, pretty sure getting them drunk so they will is predatory.

Thats true where I come from too and actually the sober person can be brought up on charges of rape if the person was drunk enough. This doesn't happen of course, good luck proving it, but it is considered taking advantage and they do have laws about that. I have not looked this up personally but my source was a close friend who was a police officer and an honest person.

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sarabear

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May 13, 2008, 9:38 am PDT

limited people

Hey Kbm2008

Wow that show was very loudJ I guess all I have to offer is that my family is very dysfunctional too. It took me a long time to accept that they were just limited and no matter what I did or how angry I got, fought back or tried to convince it wasn’t going to change the way that they are. The in-laws leaving gifts at the door (although very annoying and rude) is the best they can do; it’s the most amount of kindness they can muster. A very smart person told me that it’s best to come at things from a position of strength. I don’t always do that but I am getting better. It’s actually really difficult to respond in a kind yet protective way towards a person who is doing things that are very hurtful. For me though I had to lean that they are who they are and again very limited, because otherwise I would have become lost in my anger. Putting up good boundaries and being empathetic has made the best out of the negative situation (my parents are drug addicts). I put other people in my life who can listen to me when I become frustrated and angry and well that’s the best I can do. Best wishes-

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sarabear

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May 15, 2008, 8:59 am PDT

Shenek

Female narcissists are funny. All of the disdain she had for others is really the disdain she has for herself and she was so ridiculous that Dr. Phil didn't even bother with her. She was truely lost-

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Messages By: sarabear

ME TOO!

It worked out for the best

TOTALLY

Taking advantage

limited people

Shenek