Messages By: mspacman

I must say that I am also happy that I have found this message board. Its sad to say but it gives me a bit of comfort to know that I am not crazy and that there is other woman going thru the same that I am going thru. I am destroyed. I am always made to feel like everything is my fault. If I feel like I would like to discuss something that happened or something said that hurt my feelings the outcome is always him yelling at the top of his lungs at me. It doesnt matter if were alone or if it is in front of my boys. I will be told to shut the up you anything that can come out of his mouth at the moment. Then it is always my fault he says that I make him angry and that I always push his buttons. Am I doing somethng and just not acknowledging it? I dont know anymore. The part of it all that really makes me hate myself is that after he treats me this way I always try to make up with him. I hate fighting and I just wish that he can be the man that he was when I met him. What happens to them? Why do they change? Whats wrong with me? Why cant I walk away and save myself and my boys? What will it take? He tells me hes sorry for talking to me that way and that he should never treat me that way so why does he continue to do it? Hes sorry but he cant hug me hold me cause he doesnt feel that way. I cant afford counseling I wish I could cause I could sure use it. Maybe that would make me stronger. Can someone help me?

Were do I go to view the listings and websites? Were do I find numbers to call for help?

I am in a verbally abusive marriage. Im able to identify that now. But what I dont understand about myself is why do I continue wanting him to love me. Why have I not been able to see that I deserve better?

I am currently reading the book "Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evan. 

That is how I have come to acknowledge that I am in a verbally abusive marriage. But please help me why if I know that he is verbally abusing me and regecting me and treating me so badly why am I still wanting to make my marriage work. Why havent I been able to walk away and realize that he is not going to change and that I deserve better for myself?