Messages By: just_me_07

 This was such an unnecessary and insensitive post - do you think ANYONE plans on getting into a failed relationship? You've no idea how many people out there make mistakes of this magnitude and do something about it but never get past the regrets. Have you never made a bad decision? Geez, guy, posts like yours should be edited out - there's no way anyone could respect a word you say after reading the above.

- shaking my head -

This is my first time posting (besides what I posted to Jim) and I haven't seen his posts before - I realized he's probably just trying to get a rise out of people here but I couldn't help my admonishment.

Onto the show...I haven't watched today's show yet because my kids were home when it aired and this is one I need to focus on - so it is on tape for me to watch tonight when I'm by myself. Thing is, I already know I'll be identifying strongly with the women on the show...and part of me is terrified to watch and the other part can hardly wait...

I've gone back to get my graduate degree because I know that when I do, I'll have the financial means to break free of the one hold my husband's always had over me - more pronounced when I quit my job to raise the kids. I already know I'm not alone...it'll be amazing to watch Dr. Phil's take on all of this - I've come to watching the show with pen and paper so I can write down the wisdoms and they become my mantras...

I'll post back after I've watched - but thanks, everyone, for your candor...

 Let the Dr. Phil show handle it - I know you probably weren't serious about calling the embassy - but I'm confident the show and Dr. Phil will make sure Katherine is as safe as he can ensure.

I'm disheartened by the posts flying back and forth on this board, though, and the attacks. Don't think for a second that Katherine's family isn't reading the board - calling their daughter the names and insulting her and her mom isn't helping nor is it supportive. I'd love for a moderator to step in and hold the spats off...it just goes to show how the 'net isn't only a place where danger lurks (and I am NOT one who says it is all bad, quite the opposite, as a matter of fact - just have to be careful) - but the sparring back and forth just perpetuates the way the Internet is abused for reasons of back-biting. If you were in person, would you be so disrespectful to each other? Tempers flare, but that doesn't mean common decency has to fly out the window.

Just a humble opinion.

 I just want to say that after hearing this musician on your show, I have bought both albums off iTunes. The sounds I heard went straight to my core, and his story, his generosity and his success enhance the talent he possesses. No - not a talent: a gift.

Thank you for the beautiful show today; you continue to inspire across so many different lines they remain uncountable.

 It's been about 6 years - almost from the time my mom died - that my sister and I have been on the outs. She has lied about me (as well as to me) and has done so in order to improve her relationship with our father (she is SO co-dependent) and put a rift in mine with him. She has always been spoiled and to this day gets everything she needs or wants (though we're both adults with families of our own) and I feel guilty even asking for anything from my father.

I didn't disown my sister - I just decided it's best she isn't part of my life. I've felt so free and so happy since that decision and I can't see myself ever trusting her.

Yes, parents create this - from day 1, my sister was treated like a fragile victim (and still plays the victim) and I've been independent. I'm proud that everything I have done has been on my own - I have self-respect and self-esteem and achievements beyond what my sister will ever achieve in her life.

Doesn't mean the hurt isn't there - parents should love their children equally. I love my children equally. I never felt - still don't - loved unconditionally or equally as compared to my 2 siblings.

I see the two girls on this show as me and my sister and while they seem to have petty issues between them, I know - from one who's lived through it - that it isn't about pettiness...it's a lifetime of feeling less than wanted, less than loved and less than important in one's own family.

 I disagree with the premise that they have to grow up - I think it takes a strong adult to say "I don't like this person - family or not - and I CHOOSE not to have them in my life." If the hurt goes deep enough, and the damage is dangerous enough to be this harmful, it is an adult decision to make. Siblings who are told "she's your sister, how can you shut her out this way?" are being guilted into "family comes first" - and that's something I disagree with, as a tactic and a fact. Family isn't chosen - but we CAN choose how we deal with them and whom we choose to have in our lives.

I'm better off for not being enmeshed in my sister's web. I feel more like a grown-up than I ever did, BECAUSE I made an adult decision to cut the negative out of my life.

 Yes, family does come first, and always should.

According to who? This isn't gospel. Would you tell an abused child to put the abusive parent first, above the loving, foster parent or family friend? Is that a family should be first absolute as well?

There is no "should". There is only what one feels. There are ALWAYS options. Of course I saw the story personally - I have been living something similar. And I have become a happier person due to my choices. Choices to separate myself from the negativity. 

I appreciate your views but they are just as valid as mine. And until you have lived through it, you can't sit in your armchair and preach "should" to me, or to anyone else.

2 years ago, my son was bullied in grade 4, by his teacher. In front of the class, not once, but three times, she called him a "loser". After bringing it to the principal, and agreeing to meet with her (but requesting HIS presence there), the teacher called me that afternoon. At first, she asked why she would do something like that (to which I replied, "you tell me"). Then she couldn't remember it. Then she asked me to apologize to my child (to which I replied, "you can do that when we meet Monday"). She never did apologize to him. Denied it the whole time.

The principal took her part, saying (in private, to me) that he'd never witnessed anything but warm loving behavior from her. As if she'd behave that way in her boss's presence??

It got worse through the school year, to the point where in every meeting we had (in the principal's office, teacher and both principal and Vice Principal present), the teacher refused to take responsibility. She blamed my son, she sat with her arms crossed and her eyes rolling, and refused to reassure me that my son was emotionally safe in her presence. She proceeded, during the year, to send notes home to other parents warning them not to allow their kids to be friends with my son (but the notes were "never found", despite the friends reporting to us that they had, indeed, been sent).  There were so many incidents I can't list them all.

By the end of the year, I was in touch with the sector director (the day I called her, the teacher found, and yelled at my son in the corridor, telling him he's a baby because he goes home crying to his mom who calls the sector director and gets her in trouble - my son had no clue I'd made that call). I even ended up going to the local police station to report bullying of my child, by his teacher. They were great, speaking with the principal on my behalf (which didn't quite ingratiate me to him but I didn't care), but we ended up in a meeting with all the afore-mentioned school authorities (not the teacher), first week of July.

The way I resolved it was to ask them how I could make it so that my son's Grade 5 experience was a positive one. The teacher was no longer going to be in the school (whether by design or happenstance) but I wanted him to feel comfortable in the school.

The following year was a wonderful one for him - I do believe the principal and vice principal did all they could to enhance my son's experiences, and that worked.

But the teacher should not have been allowed to work after the emotional abuse she showed her students. My son was not the only one, but I was the only one to speak out. Other parents just dealt with it in passive ways. I stood up for my kid because I knew it was the only way I'd be able to walk back into that school.

This is his last year in the school, he graduates elementary, and it's been a great 2 years; but I think they know I won't allow my son to be treated that way again. I'm proud of him for the way in which he handled things, and I'm proud of myself for standing up against it.