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Messages By: celticeme

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upset
February 5, 2006, 4:22 pm CST

Marriage of Doom

That is how i feel about my marriage of almost nine years. We can talk about everything and have a great time together. He never talks badly to me or about me but and yeah here it comes there are a few things he does do that really bother me. He lies firstly all the time about everything to the point that you can't tell the truth from the lies. I have asked why he does it and what do I do or not to make him feel he has to lie? He has never answered that question to this day. And then the other thing is that after I am asleep he gropes me or starts having sex with me. I am usually on pain meds and when I wake up you can imagine the result. We are currently separated right and have been for several months. My family knows of this and they are pushing me to get back with him. They say at least he is working and you'll have someone to talk to. I am not sure that money or conversation is worth the price I would end up paying. Afterall a tiger can't change his stripes and i think that about rapists. I would welcome comments or words of wisdom if you have to share with me. Celticeme
 
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February 5, 2006, 4:33 pm CST

Anger?

Yeap I was a bit on the peeved i guess simply because they didn't tell me what it was while i was in the hospital. I had heard of it but didn't know anything about it. I thought it meant i had either too much personality or not enough. lol I was diagnosed with it in November of 2005 though I have been bipolar for many years. Knowing that I got a new title to add is not my idea of fun but it explianed a lot at least to me and hence has got me working in a new direction. Celticeme
 
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anxious
February 10, 2006, 12:25 pm CST

Re:Anger

Quote From: blazes06

those titles will get you every time. It too helped me to see why i react and do certain things. Feel abandoned by my biological parents. The anxiety is very high and the destructiveness of the disorder is so bad. Are you getting help with your bpd? What has helped you?
I haven't been able to get back into therapy i moved not long after getting out of that hospital and live with my sister currently. I have no transportation and she works during the hours that the clinic are open. So it has been me winging it so to speak. And doing a lot research on the net and in my groups that i belong to. I try different things out and blog alot which helps me keep track not just of my moods but my mental state as well. So that is how it is going at the moment.
 
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quiet
May 15, 2006, 5:14 pm CDT

BPD

Quote From: lyttleone

...Still around I read the posts just have no idea or words to post.

Eclaire
Hey all same here still here i check in from time to time but honestly can't think of anything to say or nothing i want to burden the rest of the world with luckily or hopefully things will start going better soon. Take care of yourselves...celticeme
 
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May 19, 2006, 3:08 pm CDT

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

Quote From: yankeebean

This is just a random question, I know... but anyone here suffer with compulsive skin picking?  (It's a part of my OCD.)

I have been picking my skin for ages though I never thought it to be a part of anything specific. I don't have to my knowledge OCD but Bipolar/Borderline. If you want to discuss this i would appreciate it now that I know someone else who does it too.  

Deb 

 
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quiet
May 21, 2006, 4:11 pm CDT

Why I Came Here

I came to the OCD board actually for a reason and for some lame moment forgot to post what it was. I don't have OCD to my knowledge but who knows. I recently was booted out of a relationship. The breakup was brutal. I was left for not just another girl but a guy as well. If that isn't bad enough I have become so focused on this idiot that it is taking over my life completely. I have never done this with another person in my life. So this is upsetting me and confusing me on why I am doing it now. I find myself running these endless searches for him and anything he posted. I have joined the same groups as he has though under a different name. When I think of him which you probably can guess is often i feel lost without him. I can't continue the behavior but don't know exactly how to stop it either. Has anyone else here ever felt this way? What did you do to quit this behavior? Anything would be helpful for I have lost me in that relationship and I am not sure how that happened or how to proceed. Thank you! 

Celticeme 

 
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May 21, 2006, 10:06 pm CDT

Abuse

Quote From: asmeralda

     I am very hopeful that once things settle down we can feel safe and relax.  I know that it will take time.  We have been through alot.  He still calls for things.  He talks to the older son when he wants something and then the older boy lets him know what I said.  I feel bad that he has become the mediator.  He suggested it but he is showing signs of frustration.  He wants him to get everything he wants so he will go away and leave us alone.  I think as much as we want it to end peacefully I will evidently have to draw the line in the sand and stick to it.  Good-night and thanks for your help.
I have a relationship that is in the process of being cut off. My hubby was sexually abusive to me. I have asked for the divorce but so far it hasn't happened. Just talking to him gives me nightmares, panic attacks, and the fear I will never be safe again. One of my problems is that I don't just draw a line but allow people to wipe it away. It doesn't do me any good and in the end hurts only myself. Sometimes it is hard for people to draw those lines and stick to them. Do it for yourself and for your kids their emotional well being, and yours as well are very important. I do agree once things calm down it will be a better thing for everyone involved. I hope things get better and you get the life you all deserve. Bright blessings, Deb
 
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May 28, 2006, 7:03 pm CDT

Bipolar Disorder

Quote From: coneven4u

My sister is 34 years old with 4 kids.  She is going through her second divorce.  Recently, she has been diagnoised with Bipolar.  I am also Bipolar, diagnoised in adolescence.  Anyway, my sister's attitude and priority system has competely changed since she started dating a much younger man; he just turned 20.  She used to be ultra conservative, afraid to live outside a box of political correctness.   Now she's having a scandalous affair with a man 14 years her junior, and it began before she filed for a divorce.   She used to be very family oriented, but now she just comes around when she needs money from our parents.  She used to put her children above herself, now her youngest says that she is nobody's baby anymore.  When we try to talk to her and warn her that her in-laws might be putting together a custody case against her she just looks off into space and grins like she's not hearing a word of it and she's proud of rebelling, not listening.  Today my father even told her that she looks like she's on drugs.  Her eyes were glassy and her demeanor was worse than is usual as of late, but she might have just been tired I guess.  When i tell her that I love her lately she just makes some off handed comment like "Someone needs to." 

  

I can't find words to describe it but both of my parents sense it too.  She's not acting like the same person.  There's a self centeredness about her and apathy towards the feelings of other people that wasn't there before.   She used to live her life worried about what others think of her, now she's being indiscreet with her dateing tof his young man.  She's even had him over to her trailer and it sits on her in-laws land; they've called the law to have him removed from the property before but she persists in inviting him--calling the trailer she lived in with her soon to be ex "her home." 

  

As aforementioned, I'm Bipolar myself.  I know all about mood swings and impulsive recklessness.  But I'm still the same person in the core of my identity.  My entire priority system doesn't do a complete flip-flop, and I'm a recovering drug addict to boot.  What I'm trying to say is her personality change is more than moodiness or depression.  It might be an extreme case of mania. 

  

This situation might not sound serious to you, but it's got our family on its head.  My father is refusing to give her money to help her get another place to live because she's not thinking clearly and he really doesn't have it to spare.  My sister thinks that my father would loan it to me, but not for her.  All she thinks about is the young guy, and it really bothers my parents since they're old fashioned and she's still married.  I used to think it wasn't that huge of an idea if it kept her from getting depressed and suicidal through the divorce.  After all, it is what it is.  But something is changing my sister, and I don't like it.  It shakes me up.   The young man can't be a good influence on her if her priorities have changed so much since he came in the picture? 

  

My question is, can I expect to see my old sister again--maybe after the divorce is over and the inevitable custody issue is resolved?  Will she ever be the preschool teacher conservative person whom I know and love?  I miss the dependable sister; I didn't realize how much of my foundation was built on her stability and responsibility.  I was always the scapegoat, the one who needed extra attention because I have problems.  Come to find out, she has one of the same diagnoises as I do except I have about 17 of them.   Do you think it's just the stress of the divorce and she is utilizing him as a "transition" person between relationships?  She states that she's not the type of person who could ever live alone.   

  

I JUST WANT MY BIG SISTER BACK!!!  Any ideas? 

I can identify with your sister though I am not sure it if is for the same reasons. I am about to go through a divorce myself and have been separated for quite a while. I met a younger man though not twenty not long after I made the desire to divorce known. I know it wasn't right and much more so please don't point a finger at me for that. I think a part of me wanted to feel loved and worthy of someone's love. I wasn't on drugs or anything like though with your sister that might be a part of the problem going on. I hooked up with the younger guy and we were engaged to be married. I felt like I wouldn't survive if I didn't have anyone in my life especially someone who cared or loved me. I felt unworthy of that emotion. It was not the best decision in the world for me to make or the best time to make it. He is Bipolar/Borderline with severe PSTD from serving in the war in Iraq. At first i got the attention and I felt alive and beautiful. So maybe sis feels something missing in her life, or she is afraid of not only be alone but being lonely at the same time. I am sure there are tons of reasons why people do what they do. If i was to give any advice A) talk to her and tell her what you see and ask honestly what is going on. Hopefully it will make some impact especially since you share a close bond. B) i agree talking to the doctor and saying this is what we, the family, are seeing. They need to know that things are off base. C) I think in time when it wears off (the novelty of his age and all) that things will slowly return to the way they were and as long (if she is using) that the drugs stop. D) Don't lend her the money to obtain them no matter how much you think you might be helping her. I know you know that but I wanted to say it anyway. I, too, am a recovering drug addict and though I want the pills so bad I know they are a road to death and destruction for me. E) This is probably going to come off weird or cold hearted though I don't mean it that way at all. So don't take it that way please. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. Meaning you can only do so much for her. You can love her, support her, and care for her. But you can't live her life for her and sometimes sadly people must learn the hard way. I hope things get better for all concerned especially the kids. They don't deserve this but neither does she. 

  

It sounds like with the abandonment thing that she might have Borderline Personality as well. Which because of the additional stress factors a divorce brings might be making that worse as well if she does have it.   

  

Deb 

 
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May 28, 2006, 7:13 pm CDT

Bipolar Disorder

Quote From: volleydoug

Hi, this is my first time on the site. Does anyone out there have a bipolar child? My boy is 10 and was diagnosed last year after many years of "other "diagnosis. I would be interested to hear how you deal with the disorder and also if there are an adults who were diagnosed as children to see how it affected them.

I wasn't diagnosed till I was sixteen or so with bipolar. Though I truly believe that I suffered from it at an early age. My mother knew that i saw and heard things but she felt that I was just imagining the whole thing. I think if she had started seeking help for me then it might not have gotten as bad as it has after that. I tend to think I am doing ok but then look back further down the road and see that I am not doing so well at all. I journal, write fiction and poetry, photography, read, listen to music to suit my mood, and watch movies according to mood as well. I also take a lot of walks at times just to get out of the house to keep from being so isolated as much.  

  

I raised my son to know that mental illness of any kind is no different then heart disease or diabetes. That having to take meds or check in the hospital is no big deal. I think that is why he has done so much better with it then I did at his age. He is able to see when his moods and thoughts are becoming a big problem and is not afraid to say hey i need help here. For that I am greatful for so very much. I think raising him to see that mental illness isn't like the end of the world has given him a brighter future. My parents wanted to hide the fact or pretend like it didn't exist. So I was put between a rock and a hard place to begin with. He knows that the meds are for life more then likely and there are hard times for both of us. But somehow he always gets me to see that this too shall pass. 

  

It has affected me in so many ways not just moods but how I do with people on a whole. Outside the net i have no friends other then two dogs. I don't deal well with the human race face to face. I tend to live in a make believe world that suits whatever I need at the time. I don't make sound judgements when I need to or even when I don't. I am very emotional (duh!) which drives me batty. I either sleep way too much or not at all. And my relationships with my family has suffered greatly by this illness. There are times I am very ill and can't see it. Those are the times that I dread more then anything else. 

  

Deb 

 
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giddy
May 31, 2006, 7:00 pm CDT

Bipolar Disorder

Quote From: emmy111

I was recently this last year diagnosed with bipolar disorder and depression. I have dislexia so I hope you can understand me...I would love to just make contact with people that have what I have. I admire dr. phil and believe that there is hope and a way to work with this atleast that is my hope. i want to find like minded people. I dont want this to run my life. I am on a coctail of drugs that has really been helping. I recently forgot to take my meds because I felt so good. BIG MISTAKE this last week has been reminded me of that black hole I live in when I'm not on it. I'm slowly stabelizing again....looking forward to makimng new friends. Emmy

Hi Emmy! Welcome to the boards. I think you'll find some wonderful people on this board and many of the others as well. So make yourself comfy and enjoy. I like making new friends as well especially those who understand to any degree what it is like to walk in our shoes.  

Debra 

 

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