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Messages By: tacdgb

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February 12, 2006, 6:08 pm CST

childhood abuse

Quote From: ty2breel

Honestly It is hard to give someone advice in a situation like this ...I know it's hard for you because it is in a mother's nature to protect her  child .. but this is not your fault I know it's hard because we as victims believe we can  or will protect our children better because we went through it ourselves and think we know what to look for  but unfortunatly we can't  and first we must accept that the only advice I can give you is  you need to resolve your own issues with what happend to you so you can help your son  give him the emotinal support you needed when it happend to you  make sure he knows it wasn't  his fault and that it was wrong what the other little boy did so he will not become an abusier hisself I think that other little boy probablywas touched himmself  and wasn't given the support  he needed  my best advice is to seek  professional  help for you and your son  I hope this helps 

I am so sorry that you had to go through this as a child and now with your son.  I can tell you this.  Do not blame yourself.  As a child you were a victum.  You were abused when you shouldn't have been.  Your mom was wrong to stay with your step dad.  I really believe that you can use some counseling about this.  It would be a HUGH help.  Find someome that you can trust.  Also help your son to understant that what he went through wasn't his fault.  Tell him that his body is private and it's not ok for some else to touch it.  That he get's to say who can and who can't.  Keep praying and ask God to provide the right person for you to talk to.  Remember to take care of yourself as you're important to God and should be to yourself.  My heart goes out to you.  I understand about aduse because my father was one of my abusers sense I was 3.
 
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February 12, 2006, 6:19 pm CST

keep looking

Quote From: erikaklein

I have been to over 22 dr's and therapists and the truth is not alot of them helped me. some of them have a long way to go in dealing with sexual abuse. Therapists are people too, and they are not perfect. 

  

When you are searching for the right one, you should know pretty early on whether it is a safe connection or not. Use the initial sessions to ask them about their knowledge and framework of what they use for abuse. I had one male dr tell me to "get over it". 

  

Treat this like any other service when your hiring someone. you have the right to ask questions and if you're not satisfied with it, then continue on. my biggest mistake was wasting time with counsellors who had no real training or concern for my issues. interview them and choose several to pick from. 

  

and remember, they are not there to "cure" you. they are your healing tool, your flashlight into the darkness. the work is primarily yours to do, along side their support (which you defintely need to be)  

  

EK 

My thoughts are for you to keep on trying until you find the right one.  Ask alot of questions.  I would start by talking to them on the phone with 1 phone call.  Check them out to see if you can trust them.  Keep hunting until you are happy with one.  You are worth it.  I know how hard the hunt it.  I went to counseling for 20 years until I found the right one.  Your search may not take as long, but keep trying.  I know that the healing is worth the hunt.  God Bless you.
 
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February 12, 2006, 6:28 pm CST

so sorry

Quote From: lostgirl

I'm a victim of sexual abuse by my fatherwho  sexual abused me, and then my foster sister and father also sexual abused me when I was 9 nine years old. My real motherdoes not believe all this happen to me, she believed these preditors  were wonderful people.  My real mother told me years ago to let go of it and go on, how can you heal when you stuff the pain inside. I've been in counseling for years because of my sexual abuse issues. I still have night terrors over this, and should I forgive these abusive people and including my father?  I have BPD because of the sexual, severe beatings from these foster parents. I almost died from the beatings they are very sick people, thinking they may had a mental illness also. They done cruel things to me, a lot worse things that I'm not telling.   I've been raped 3 times as a teenager and several times as an a adult also. I'm a survivor from the abuse as I was growing up and it sucks that at times it still haunts me it took me a long time to work through these things. I went through 2 counsalers,  the first one I went through 2 sexual abuse classes.  She left state and the second one helped me, and now I have a case worker who is helping me through the mental health center.  I'm so tired of this crap and still working through the pain. 

lostgirl 

I am so sorry that you had to go through all of this.  It must of been hard.  Life is not fair.  I was told that anyone who suffers at the hands of abusers will take along time to get healing.  But remeber it can be done.   And it's worth it to get healing from all the pain.  Being freed will be amazing. I think that reading the book "More Than Survivers" by Dr. James Friesen would be a big help.  It about peole who got healing for abuse.  They were survivers and they had MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder).  I really recomend reading it. 
 
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February 12, 2006, 6:41 pm CST

start

Quote From: soooo_lost

    

     Hi to all... I had a pretty good break down in life about 9 years ago. Started with extreme rage, hyperventilation, uncontrolable crying etc. So I decided that I needed to get into therpy and quick! Well everything starts to surface ( that I had buried deep) I was sexually molested by my grandfather when I was 7 til I was 9 ( I think thats when it ended?) Well, I thought I had delt with it???? I guess not because I have been running from it ever since, and I am just realizing it! I thought that if I go looking everywhere else in the world, I might find what I need to make me happy! I am now 28 and completly miserable... In the past 3 weeks I have figured out that I thought that being sexual and or having sex was how you got love & that I am very selfdestructive!!!!! In every relationship that I have ever been in, I manage to find something... so I can break up with that person. I have used drinking and drugs to escape the pain, but you always feel worse the next day! I am trying very hard to not use this method anymore!  

I have just come to the point in my life that I am ready to face the past and all of the pain, but I am scared as hell!!!!!!!!! I don't know where to start or even how to start? Any advice on starting this process would be helpful.  

My best thoughts are to start the search for a great counselor.  One that you can trust.  Check the internt or the library for good books to read about abuse and being a survuvor.  Remember that nothing will cover up the pain.  It always finds a way to sneek through to your real life.  I use food to hide my pain.  And I can tell you that it doesn't work.  It always causes more pain.  Running from it doesn't work either.  You can't run fast enough to run away from it.  I've also tried running from it.  It's best to face it head on.  The search is worth  the effort.  Being released from the pain and feeling real freedom from the bad childhood memories it worht all the effort.   Remember that you're a survivor and because you got through that you can get through this.  Have faith in yourself.  It isn't easy but it can be done.  It's hard work as I know as I am doing it now.  Just don't give up!  You are worth it!
 
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February 12, 2006, 6:52 pm CST

get healing

Quote From: aprilbyrum

I was sexually abuse from the age of 2 to 18.  By my father who turns out not to be my father. Long story. From the age of 16 to 18 my uncle started in, not touching but hinding in my room opening doors when I'm in the shower, showing his body, and more. 

 I found out that my mother new about the abuse from my father by the court paper I have.  Her statement  was at less he did not have sex with any other woman except my girls.  Trying to take setps to get my life together is hard.  It seems I always reflict on what happened and what my mother had said.  I tried to talk to my mother, but she always says she made peace with it.  I dont know how to make peace with this or how to move on.  Everyone around me thinks that I'm good. but its just a front I put on. Cause to tell the truth I feel like I'm dieing inside. 

Healing is what you need.  That's the only way you'll make peace with it.  Find a counselor that you can trust to talk to.  Keep talking until you feel peace.  Quit talking to you mom She'll never understand what you went through.  Find others in your life to talk to.  Find someone who'll support you.  It's hard but it can be done.  I am so sorry that you went through this.  Living a life of abuse as a child isn't easy and now having to live with unhealed feelings isn't easy either.  I understand you pain as my father was one of my abusers at the age of 3 (from what I can remember).  I will send you a safe hug.   

 
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February 23, 2006, 8:57 am CST

cruel

I believe that spanking is cruel.  Spanking is not nessessary.  I believe that there are LOTS of other ways to disipiline children.  I believe in the dicipline methods that Dr. Phil talks about on his show.  I taught preschool for 18 years and I found out if you use currency like Dr. Phil talks about it really does work.  I think that spanking is teaching kids that violence is the answer to dealing with disipline issues and that' s wrong. 

 
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March 7, 2006, 12:08 pm CST

Yea for Dr Phil!

I am so glad that Dr. Phil is willing to adress mental health issues.  I know someone with Bi-Polar and I don't know much about it.  But I do know about Multiple Personality Disorder as I have that.  And through having that I know that  it makes life no fun.   I also know that the treatment is not cheap.  So  I am thamkful for people with insurance which helps them as I don't have any.   I am so sorry that anyone who has to go through any mental health issues.  I know that God takes care of them. And I am glad for that.  But I do know this.  Don't let anyone tell you that mental health issues are not real.  As they are and you have to deal with them everyday and it can be real hard.   

 

  

 
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March 9, 2006, 12:42 pm CST

sorry to see

I am so sorry to see this family in such a mess.  I do know that it's not about her bad spending habits it's about why she spends.  I could tell that she's in a real lot of emotional pain and also in denial about things.  I feel so sorry for the kids to have to go through this.  It has a real effect on how they turn out as adults.  I've heard this said "It's better to create a wonderful child than to have to repair an adult."  I do know that it's true as I am being the repaired adult.  I know that the husband has work to do as well.  I do know that if they have a willing spirit and with Dr. Phil's help and God's this family can be healed.  I do pray tor that.    

  

 

 
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March 13, 2006, 2:18 pm CST

How hasn't it affected our marriage?

How porn has affected my marriage.  Well..........  I start by saying that it has affected it alot.  We haven't had sex in over 8 years.  My husband always told me "I don't want to have  sex"  and then I find him watching a porn flick or reading a porn book.  When we were first dating he took me out of town to meet his family and he took me to a xxx rated motel to stay over night.  I didn't think it was all that great.  During the course of our marriage we've battled the issue of porn alot.  I've had to clean all the porn out of our house.  My husband would hide it or justify it by saying it was ok to have it.  He's said that reading it's no big deal.  He's told me that "It's just something to read".  I've told him that porn is taking something special as sex and turned it into something dirty.  He didn't by it.  I've told him that he's addicted to it.  He's denied that.  I found a counselor who would help him and he refused to go.  One year friends of ours wanted us to go with them on our motorcycles to california to a cool motorcycle convention.  Well......................  My husband lost his job as janitor at our local church.  He was caught reading porn on the church internet.   And that was the end of our trip.  At home I have a block on our computer so he can't read porn.  I am so tired of porn in my life that I could scream!  You ask why did I marry him knowing this.  Well...............  I was blind to it and he was convincing that it was just a hobby.  Well I am no fool.  The message I would send to anyone who is dating someone with porn issues is RUN like hell..........  If it's not dealth with you'll battle it all of your marriage.  You feel undesirable when he doesn't want to have sex.  You'll never trust him, he'll lie about doing it and it will be one of the things you fight alot in your marriage.  It's a real hard additction to cure.   

 
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March 13, 2006, 2:18 pm CST

How hasn't it affected our marriage?

How porn has affected my marriage.  Well..........  I start by saying that it has affected it alot.  We haven't had sex in over 8 years.  My husband always told me "I don't want to have  sex"  and then I find him watching a porn flick or reading a porn book.  When we were first dating he took me out of town to meet his family and he took me to a xxx rated motel to stay over night.  I didn't think it was all that great.  During the course of our marriage we've battled the issue of porn alot.  I've had to clean all the porn out of our house.  My husband would hide it or justify it by saying it was ok to have it.  He's said that reading it's no big deal.  He's told me that "It's just something to read".  I've told him that porn is taking something special as sex and turned it into something dirty.  He didn't by it.  I've told him that he's addicted to it.  He's denied that.  I found a counselor who would help him and he refused to go.  One year friends of ours wanted us to go with them on our motorcycles to california to a cool motorcycle convention.  Well......................  My husband lost his job as janitor at our local church.  He was caught reading porn on the church internet.   And that was the end of our trip.  At home I have a block on our computer so he can't read porn.  I am so tired of porn in my life that I could scream!  You ask why did I marry him knowing this.  Well...............  I was blind to it and he was convincing that it was just a hobby.  Well I am no fool.  The message I would send to anyone who is dating someone with porn issues is RUN like hell..........  If it's not dealth with you'll battle it all of your marriage.  You feel undesirable when he doesn't want to have sex.  You'll never trust him, he'll lie about doing it and it will be one of the things you fight alot in your marriage.  It's a real hard additction to cure.   

 

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