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Messages By: merridy7
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October 11, 2006, 2:15 pm PDT
 Quote From: redtm06 Ok, not sure what to think about this. Mike (my finace) and I have been fighting and he said that he was leaving Friday night but didnt. Saturday he slept most of the day and when he got up he asked me if I wanted to go for a ride with him, of course I said yes and my daughter watched the kids. We went to a couple of stores and then went home. We talked a little bit about how he was feeling and our problem. I cried and we went to sleep. I have been giving him his space but it is so hard not to touch him, kiss him, and love on him. Sunday morning he was frisky, which didnt really make a lot of sense to me. If he was that upset with me, why would he still want to be intimate with me. He still wasnt as affectionate to me as he usually is but it wasnt as bad. He wanted to rent a movie & watch it with me. We talked that night and I told him that it wasnt easy for me to keep my hands off of him and he told me that it wasnt easy for him either. He said that he does love me but I hurt him. We also talked about getting married. I currently do not have insurance and I have anxiety and have been through so much this year since my Dad passed away that I feel that I need to go back on it. I cannot get insurance through my work until December. He said that we could get married so me and the kids would have insurance. I told him that I didnt want to marry him for that reason. He said that it would be a long time then before we got married. Monday he had to go to court for child support, he has to report every 3 months because it doesnt come out of his check, and my 5 year old had a ENT appointment. He said that he wanted me to still go to court with him, we would go to the doctor and then talk before we picked up all of the kids. That plan got killed when it took too long at the courthouse. I was very disappointed and he knew something was wrong. I told him that I was just tired and had a lot on my mind. Told him I made the counseling appointments and he was happy with that. I think that he is now realizing that I do want to get things back to where they were. Now yesterday is what has confused me even more, it is like he has done a complete 180! I dont know if he has finally realized that what I told him wasnt meant to hurt him & I didnt mean to mislead him either. Now he is acting like he is just fine. Last night I mentioned that I had to call the reception hall because I have to give them at least a 30 day cancelation notice. I told him that I could either see if they could hold the deposit and let them know something later or just get back our deposit. He said that he didnt know when to tell him & see if they can just hold it. This doesnt sound like a man that doesnt want to marry me. Has he just said all that stuff to see what reaction I would have? I just dont understand. Can anyone give me some insight?? I've been married a little over two months. Our relationship didn't get better, it got worse. We talked about canceling the wedding plans but the invitations had gone out and so we went forward with the marriage. I'm a young 62 and he is 55. His wife cheated on him and he doesn't trust me. I've never cheated and never will. I feel I'm taking the heat for what his ex did to him. I should have called off the wedding instead of worrying about what everyone would think. Now I am in the position of having to "try." He blames me and I keep reading Dr. Phil's books and my husband thinks I'm reading the books to find out what's wrong with him. Right now I'm reading Self Matters and I told him it had nothing to do with him. I can't do anything right. I am staying in this marriage because I am on disability and will not be able to work again. I never thought I would be in this mess...staying in a marriage because of being financially strapped. My long-term disability has not paid and has been jerking my attorney around for 4 years. I'm selling out myself because of $$$. If you don't have to do it, don't marry him. It only gets worse. They blame you and then you feel worse about yourself. You have a few nice days and you think you are back on track...wrong. Mine went to anger management I found out when he was married. I guess I would be angry if my spouse kept cheating on me and I was trying to keep my family together, but I don't want to take the heat for his anger. He keeps it all inside and then blows. I made a mistake. But I would have made a bigger mistake if I had married the love of my life who was an alcoholic. We went together for 12 years...two living together. I loved his children but knew alcoholism only gets worse as you get older and I got out. I'm really not sure which is worse. It sounds like you can't do anything right. CANCEL!!! I know it is easier said than done, but I'm assuming you are a lot younger than me and have a lifetime ahead of you. My life is at it's end. That's what it feels like and it's not good. If you do find a way to make it work, I wish you the best. |
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December 20, 2006, 4:15 pm PST
Went together almost three years, got married July 29, 2006...separated on November 5, 2006...getting divorced. What happened to the two people that were so in love??? I don't know but wish I had paid attention to the red flags sent out by my husband...he was not good husband material but I was needy and settled. We had lots of fun together, but it was not a intimate, loving, honest relationship. It was worse after we got married. He became distant and I became hurt. He became cruel and it ended ugly. I'm 62 years young and thought I had found my dream man. He has too many issues that he doesn't deal with and his anger came out on me and I allowed it until I couldn't take it any more. Although I ended it, I am sad. But I believe God has saved me from something by having this end so soon. Really think about if both of you have the same values and desires for your relationship. If not, get out. Divorce is too painful. Dreams die hard as the saying goes.....Merridy
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