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Messages By: kimmyann

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February 12, 2006, 1:15 pm CST

holding on

My name is Kim and I'm posting this even though my husband is a civilian.  He's been in Iraq 80% of the time since the war started.  I never know exactly when he's coming home until a few days before and I never know when he's leaving.  This is killing me.  I don't know how much longer I can sit here and wait for a real marriage.  To complicate matters, we (or I) have custody of his 12 year old son and we don't have any family or close friends here in Alabama.  Anyone else out there feel like me?
 
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February 13, 2006, 3:30 pm CST

Kim's missing info

Thank you to everyone who has posted on this message board,  I have never used one before.  The missing info to my earlier post is that I am 42 years old and have no intension of leaving my marriage because I truly love my husband.  He hasn't even been home long enough to piss me off!  We were married on Oct.1 after the world turned upside down on Sept.1.  My husband left 2 days later to sit in Kuwait and "wait" for the war.  When we moved here from Washington state 2 years ago he assured me the traveling would be cut way down but that hasn't happened.  I do believe I am deeply depressed and frustrated by the lack of control I have over the situation.  I've had his son with me for 3 years because his mom is not able to take care of him like I can.  My husbands horrible job does allow me to not work and be home for the kids.  I guess I just wonder how long I'm going to have to sit here and wait for him to come home and then wait every day for him to come home and tell me he's leaving again.  Thanks to everyone for listening to me whine!
 
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February 14, 2006, 11:56 am CST

To Sweet Kelly

Quote From: ceders2

Please don't ever think that you are whining when you come here to this board, if it helps for you to vent your feelings then please do so, but also know that you are not whining at all. You are just saying what you feel at the time and there is nothing wrong with that. 

 

By the way, my name is Kelly and my husband is in the Australian Army, yes I'm an Aussie girl and I have been coming to the Dr.Phil boards since about Dec 2002 and have made many a friendship alot the way. I first found Kathy/"Mike's Mum" on the 1 more yellow ribbon board and have become friends with her. And now thanks to Kathy and Dr.Phil we now have this message board. 

 

Anyway, I can't say that I do fully understand how you feel because I'm not in your shoes, but I do know what it's like when my hubby goes away and I miss him so badly. He has never been to Iraq yet, but who's to say that it will not happen one of these days!! He has been away from home quite afew times throughout our marriage and the longest was 9 months, luckly in a way those 9 months was well before we had our daughter, so it was just me, the dog, and cat!! 

 

It's very different now that we do have our little girl, she is now 3 and a half. So, when Mark does go away things are very different for me, as I have to take over doing everything in the house, not that that has ever been a problem, but I have found a new respect for single Mum's that have no choice in the matter of raising their children by themselves. Atleast when Mark is home, he does do things to help around the house and such!! 

 

Now you were saying also that you feel that you could be quite depressed and I truly don't blame you at all if you are, as I ended up last year having my first lot of Depression when Mark was away for 6 weeks on a Course. After many years of him going away I was quite use to it and then this last time it just seemed like I couldn't cope real well and I did end up with Depression.  

 

As soon as I knew that this was the reason for me crying two days in a row and not stopping I knew that I had to get help this I did do, and now I'm doing 110% better. So, please talk to a Social Worker atleast and I know that you will get some help. Also go and see your Doctor and have a good talk with him/her thats what they are there for. And just take things one day at a time and see how you go!! 

 

And if you ever need to talk please email me, my email is in my profile, please TAKE CARE, LOVE KELLY. 

Thank you too for the words of encouragement.  I want you to know that I started seeing a psychiatrist 2 weeks ago when it came apparent that I couldn't hold it together anymore.  While I am working on "issues" I am a walking pharmacy.  I take 450 mg Wellbutrin, 3 zanax a day, and 2 Lunesta to sleep.  I know all these drugs are a crutch but according to my husband I am not allowed to have a nervous breakdown until he gets home.  He swears up and down that this is his last trip to Iraq and I really want to believe it but I've heard that one before.  I remember when we were dating he said "If we ever go to war, your really gonna hate my job."  He couldn't have been more right about that!  I believe that 4 years is a sufficient sacrifice for my family though, don't you think?  Hug that little one of yours. 

Much Love, Kim 

  

PS  I am celebrating 2 days without tears and you all have helped me do it.  THANK YOU! 

 
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February 23, 2006, 2:44 pm CST

Hey Friends!

Well it's been a few days since I've been here and it's really nice to see some new members.  I feel for the wife who's husband just left with all my heart.  My "bag o' agony" has been trying to get a flight to Kuwait from Iraq for 3 days with no luck.  He is confirmed on a flight tomorrow  and should be home by Monday.  It is so easy to idealize homecomings and I put such a high expectation on them and am usually a little disappointed so this time I'm going to remember that the guy has been traveling for 36 hours and will have his days and nights turned around.   

A special note to the lady who's husband just left:  Your life will get into a rhythm and you will come out of this a much stronger wife, mother, and woman!  Please take advantage of all the support systems the military offers you.  My husband is a civilian and I feel so alone sometimes.  What surprises me is the rage I have been feeling lately.  Mad isn't any better than sad though unfortunately. 

Much Love to all, 

Kim 

 

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