Messages By: cherokeerose

I have a problem with gaining some control in my marriage. I have been married for 7 years we lived together for 7 years. so in the total of 14 years being with the same man I am finding not only do I not have a voice I don't have a  outside job either. We have our own construction business and when business is down then so am I because it is then I start hearing about how I should get a job and make some money. Our marriage is just going downhill fast. I can't seem to get him to understand that marriage counseling might help. He feels that I don't do anything because I don't bring in a paycheck.  I don't have anyplace to go , I have been looking for work but not getting anything. I have worked in the past but have not been working since we got married. I feel like I don't know what to do or where to go. We talk about divorce all the time and he says I can leave because he owns the house and I am not working anyway.

OH MY GOSH!.  I can't believe that woman is complaining about wedding cake being shoved in her face.  If what they showed in their wedding video is all that he did she needs to get over it.

My husband really SHOVED the cake in my face.  Yes I was embarressed. but I laughed about it and now 29 years later it is great story to tell when my kids look at our wedding pictures.

I can't believe that anyone would be upset about a little cake on your face.  You said he shoved it up your nose but from the video it was barely on the tip.  At our wedding I made my husband promise not to smash the cake in my face all the while I was planning on getting some on his face.  When the big momment came I smashed and he smushed.  He got it so far up my nose that I was blowing frosting out for the next hour, but did I get mad????  NO, I knew he loved to joke and play when I met him.  We have been married 12 years and yes I do bring it up now and then but to laugh about it not punish him.  To this day every wedding we go to we wait to see if the cake gets smashed, if it does we feel that the couple knows how to play and have fun together.  I think it says a lot about  the health of a relationship if you can have fun and not be so uptight.  Stop being such a control freak and learn to have some fun.

If I told my husband something in a very serious manner, and he promised me he wouldn't do it, and then did it anyway, he wouldn't be my husband. If my husband put other people's desires and agenda above my own, he wouldn't be my husband. If my husband decided what is OK and what is not for me, he wouldn't be my husband. If my husband humiliated me and then laughed his butt off about it, he wouldn't be my husband.

In some cultures it's "tradition" to have people present when you have sex the first time. If he made a promise that you wouldn't have to endure that, and then he brought in the local football team to keep score how would that be? In some cultures that's no big deal. Whatdaya think? The whole point is that he deliberately lied to his wife, and hurt her feelings with no real remorse. He did it because he wanted to. He didn't care what she wanted. It took him 13 years to come to the realisation that it wasn't the cake that hurt her, but lying to her and not considering her feelings as paramount to "tradition."  Thankfully my feelings mean everything thing to my husband. Thankfully my husband's idea of fun is different. I'm just thankful for my husband period.

Yea well until there's a divorce and then the unemployed, unworking, not bringing in any finances demands more then half of the assets, usually which 100% was made by the husband working while the wife stayed home and went for Latte's all day with friends.

Men arent the bad ones for wanting budgets. Woman blow the money they never made and then if theres a divorce they go for the financial throat.......

Woman are the real money vultures...

Ive even seen it in my life with a brother of mine who had ALL the money and then some and the lazy butt woman who did nothing, ever, he finally said enough was enough kicked her out and still got money! Money she didnt deserve one bit!

I am Keri, the daughter in law on the show today and it is very nice to hear that you know Patti is lying. I have been concerned about this airing for weeks, not knowing what people will say and think. Patti is the one with an agenda and I just need to know that it will never be a healthy relationship and just to stay away from her. Thanks again for your comments.

Keri

I hate to see all the young women automatically side with each other against the older woman.

I also hate to see the men blamed for not siding with their wives.  The MIL is the woman who gave birth to him, raised him, sacrificed for him and walked the floors with him when he was sick.  Of course he should treat her with respect.

Todays MIL's were obviously nasty but for all we know the younger women were too.  They sit through these shows with a smug expression on their faces as though they have no ownership in all this.  My MIL wasn't perfect -- she was sometimes critical and intrusive -- but I bit my lip and let these small things pass for the sake of family peace and so that my children would have the loving presense of their grandmother in their lives. 

I really don't think these young women would be called names for absolutely no reason.  There has to have been some nastiness on their part, also.