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Messages By: kgoetsch

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February 21, 2006, 4:03 pm CST

Husband works away from home 95% of the time and I NEED HELP!!!

My husband works for a company that has jobsites in a 400 mile radius of our home. I am a young SAHM to a 5 and 4 yr. old and a 2 week old. He also has 2 kids ages 3 and 7 who are here 50 % of the time......I am new to this town and know NO ONE and have only one relative who lives 1800 miles away. I have suffered from Depression since age 12 and after treating it 2 years ago and feeling good enough to go off my meds.....I now know it's time to go back on them. 

My husbands company keeps him out 2-3 weeks and home 3-4 days.....not a ratio of time conducive to having a new marriage, new baby, depressed/lonely wife and blended family. He is supposed to get 24 hours minimum notice when he's being sent to another job.....this NEVER happens, he gets 2-3 hours notice to "pack up and head to ____ " and doesn't know if he'll be at that jobsite for 2 days, 2 weeks, or.......???  They don't tell him when he is set to come back home until the day before they send him home!!! So when he leaves I don't even know how long til he comes back!!! 

My question is:  Do I make him quit?  (almost impossible to do because he makes GOOD money and we live in a rural depressed economy in Oklahoma and his previous job was the best in the area at $7 an hour, he now makes about 5 times that so quitting kinda sorta isn't an option) 

or do I put up with it and slowly lose my mind, thus ruining a marriage I VERY MUCH want to last??? 

Someone give advice!! My head hurts from playing Devil/Angel and weighing all this in my head on top of carrying EVERYTHING at home including kids, finances, chores, his nasty ex-wife (long story regarding her mouth and his poor kids hearing too much bad stuff about their Daddy) and trying to recover from a C-section I had only 12 days ago!!  Yes he is off on a job right now (left 2 days after baby was born) 

  

Thanks! 

  

P.S. Just to clarify also, I am not religious so joining Church groups not an option (someone suggested this to me) and my town is about 3000 people with nearest town 45 min. away......clubs or volunteering kind of hard too. 

Just gets better and better don't it?!  LOL 

 
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February 21, 2006, 6:23 pm CST

Fiance works away from home 95% of the time.....should I still marry him even though I'm always alone and SO lonely???

My fiance works for a company that has jobsites in a 400 mile radius of our home. I am a young SAHM to a 5 and 4 yr. old and a 2 week old. He also has 2 kids ages 3 and 7 who are here 50% of the time......I am kind of new to this town and know NO ONE and have only one relative who lives 1800 miles away. I have suffered from Depression since age 12 but never been treated for it, just always "dealt".  

My fiances company keeps him out 2-3 weeks and home 3-4 days.....not a ratio of time conducive to having a new baby, depressed/lonely fiance at home and blended family. He is supposed to get 24-48 hours minimum notice when he's being sent to another job.....this NEVER happens, he gets 2-3 hours notice to "pack up and head to ____ " and doesn't know if he'll be at that jobsite for 2 days, 2 weeks, or.......???  They don't tell him when he is set to come back home until the day before they send him home!!! So when he leaves I don't even know how long til he comes back!!!  

  

My question is:  It's almost impossible for him to quit this job because he makes GOOD money and we live in a rural depressed economy in Oklahoma and his previous job was the best in the area at $7 an hour, he now makes about 5 times that so quitting kinda sorta isn't an option as he has Child Support and some debt and we have a new baby too. 

  

Do I put up with it and slowly lose my mind, thus ruining a marriage before it even starts?!? 

I have even considered just breaking it off with him, as I pretty much (for all intensive purposes) am single anyway!  

  

Someone give advice!! My head hurts from weighing all this in my head on top of carrying EVERYTHING at home including kids, finances, chores, Drs visits, school functions, his nasty ex-wife calling looking for him when she KNOWS he's gone and I'm trying to recover from a C-section I had only 9 days ago!!  Yes he is off on a job right now (left 2 days after baby was born) I also suffer from Hypothyroidism (due to Cancer 5 years ago) so the fatigue makes all this 10 times harder. 

If only I was makin all this up.....as I read it all it's a wonder I don't talk to walls by now 

   

Thanks!  

   

P.S. Just to clarify also, I am not religious so joining Church groups not an option (someone suggested this to me) and my town is about 3000 people with nearest town 45 min. away......Moms clubs or volunteering somewhere too far a drive.  

Just gets better and better don't it?!  LOL     *ugh* 

 
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March 20, 2006, 11:43 am CST

Fiance will NOT communicate except to be nasty---HELP!

My fiance and I have been together a year and a half. I just gave birth to our daughter 5 weeks ago. 

He swears he can NOT live without me and loves me very much. 

  

My problem with him is this:  He can NOT communicate, at all!  When I ask him to he never lets me know how he feels, what he's thinking or whether or not anything we discuss has even penetrated his thick male brain. He is very stoic and quiet and withdrawn by nature. 

  

We will fight about the SAME issues over and over and over, literally verbatim. We fight over his not communicating in the relationship, getting insulting and defensive in discussions instead of contributing anything (thus ending with me crying and regretting coming to him with my problems) we fight over him half-assing EVERYTHING he does, right down to saying he's gonna help with the baby or household stuff, IF he does he will for a minute and then "OK that's enough for now" and go back to whatever was capturing his attention previously (usually his Music, he's a Bass player and ALWAYS messing with his Music) 

  

In a fight, he will come back a few minutes after being horribly nasty, apologize (like he always does), SWEAR he's gonna change and that he'll start talking about things with me instead of getting nasty and shutting down.......every month or so we have the same argument with these SAME results. 

  

 I absolutely will NOT come to him with anything bothering me, I have learned it's easier to keep it to myself and just be miserable. Which is EXACTLY how my first marriage was which is why I got divorced, and now I have come full-circle to what I was in before! 

  

 I honestly think it'd be easier to dump him and worry about raising my 3 children and stop worrying about the Drama of this relationship because it's bringing on a debilitating depression and taking my energy away from my 3 kids (ages 5 weeks, 4 and 5 years old) 

  

Someone give advice or comments please, what would you do? 

 

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