Messages By: mikelina

I am in the technology business and I am home because of an accidental injury.  I have had the unusal opportunity to view Dr. Phil today.  I think this issue, especially with this couple, cannot be resolved on air.  The husband speaks and thinks like an engineer/technologist, in very concrete logical terms. To me, it seems he cannot see the forest = higher level, but loves to dwell in the weeds-such as performance measures!  He cannot grasp the idea of feelings, emotional impact and effect on his kids and his wife.  To him, the project of marriage is done if it can be monitored by a Microsoft Project time chart and items/details checked off. Staying on the level of him exploring his emotional connection with himself is not on the project work breakdown structure (tasks in a Microsfot Project chart).  Unless he is given objectives with measures, you will lose him. Unfortunately, for example, he does not see spending time alone with my wife on dates as a priority, but for fun, he claims it is dancing and he breaks it down into specific dances he wants his wife to learn.  Next will be timelines for planning and executing and performance measures.  He cares more about the brooms not being in the way of the pantry door, than actually going to the pantry and cooking one night to help his wife out.  He has a "It's all about me... deal with it" attitude.  Today, when Dr. Phil provided some guidance, he was obviously lost thinking to himself, "that does not compute", is not on my project (marriage) plan for executing the perfrect marriage. I would recommend he with his wife go to counseling, of course, but maybe a couples getaway with just his wife to reconfim and remind him of why he got married in the first place.  I would ask him that on air.  "Why did you marry her?"  When did these incomplete tasks become a problem? And where is raising your kids on the project plan?  He did not have his "family" on his list of 75 things to do... that's a hint!  If someone doesn't intervene quickly with him, my fear he will be controlled by a court ordered separation, child support, visitation and divorce order that "will not compute" with him either.  I predict you will soon see him saying, "I understand how you feel, I just don't care" because without dwelling in the weeds, he really does not care about anything but implementing, evaluating, and performance metrics.  Good luck, Dr. Phil!