Messages By: kris7768

Hi everyone - thanks for reading this.  I have never before posted a message on a forum of any kind, but I decided to do so now because I have many questions and I really don't have anywhere to turn.  I desparately need some feedback and direction as to how to deal with the problems in my marriage.

I have been married for a little over two years, and I am 37 and my husband is 40.  He has two children from his first marriage, ages 9 and 11.  I have no kids, and this is my first marriage, his second.  I work full time, and he is on full disability from failed back surgery, so he doesn't work, but he is more active than most men I know.  So, he either sleeps all day and night, or spends time with his kids, or is out drinking and running around with his friends. 

I have several issues that I need help with, but there is no way that I can put it all down at once, but now I need help with trust and respect issues.  Our marriage is one of those that when it's good it's very good, but when it turns bad it gets really, really ugly. The other night I came home from work I usually work 2pm to 11pm) and he was gone, there was no note, no message, nothing.  At 12:30am he calls and tells me that he's out drinking with his friends, and when I started asking him where he was, when will he be home, etc. he said he'll call me right back and hung up, and then never did call back.  He finally came in about 8:30am like it was perfectly natural.  When I confronted him he tells me that as long as he's not out chasing women he has a right to go out with his friends all night if he wants to.  We fought about it most of the day, and later that night he tells me that we were invited to go out with some friends, and he was already ready to leave.  When I was in the shower, he stole my credit card and my car keys, and left in the truck. Since I knew where he would be, I took a taxi to where he was to get my truck (the truck is in my name, the car in his) and called the credit card company and reported the card stolen.  When I got there I found that he had hidden the truck, so I was forced to confront him.  He thought it was funny that I had found a way out since he had taken my car keys, and tried to get along with me, but still was so condescending and disrespectful to me in front of our friends.  I barely talked to him all night, and when we got home, he dropped me off and left again in my truck, even though I had asked him to take his own car - he drives vehicles into the ground.  He went to get gas using my card, but of course it wasn't any good, so he came back and thought I wasn't home, and tried to steal one of my checks.  When I confronted him he got very angry and got up in my face and told me to take care of the gas bill and left again. 

He goes through money like we have tons of it, and just pisses it all away, even though we are about to have our electric disconnected.  Every time I see him he tells me to give him money, and when I tell him that I don't have any, he gets really mad.  When he gets his check, he pays the rent and the rest he blows in two days, and then it's up to me to figure out how to get through the next two weeks until I get paid.  Then when I do, we end up fighting because I won't give him a bunch of money to blow.

I can't put more than ten bucks of gas in either vehicle, because if I do, he will take that vehicle and drive all over until the gas is gone, and then I have to worry about how I'm going to get to work.

He shows me no respect or consideration. To everyone else, he is just as sweet as pie, will give them the shirt off his back, but to me he is awful.  He refuses to pick up around the house, and when he does do a load of laundry, it is just his clothes, only one or two small pieces of my laundry just so I can't accuse him of doing only his stuff.  The other day I went off on him because he had been in bed for three days straight and left at least a case of empty pop cans around his side of the bed, but last night he made a big show of picking up our friend's place.

There is just so many problems, I don't know how to explain it all.  But just on what I've said here, I need to know what I have to do to get him to respect me - I know that I need to show him that I won't put up with his little games, but exactly HOW do I do that? What do I do? Do I need to leave him and move out? When he stays out all night, what do I do to show him that is unacceptable to me? I've told him a hundred times, but he insists that I'm wrong.  I'd turn around and stay out all night myself, but I don't have anywhere to go to do that - since I work all the time, I don't have tons of friends that like to party all night like he does.

I am ready to get out of this relationship, but I am afraid that if I do, I will miss him straightening up and being the good man that he can be - I guess that is why I am hesitating to leave.  I really don't have anyplace to go, and my family is all on the other side of the country.  I just don't know what to do, and it's ridiculous.  I'm sure he is laughing at me because here I am taking everything he dishes out, and that's because I don't know what to do about this situation.  I'm sure that after reading this you are thinking that it's a no-brainer, easy decision to get out, but I haven't told you of the good things, the reasons why I married him in the first place and why I still love him. But, he is becoming more and more of a liability and I'm afraid that he will end up ruining me.  Please help!!

This is an excellent topic and I am anxious to see this episode.  I have had one too many experiences with dirty cops and therefore in my opinion all cops are dirty cops.  I know that this is not true by far, but I have yet to have even one good experience with the police.  The one or two times that I have needed their assistance for this reason or that, I ended up being treated with a disrespect that went over and above any boundary.  I am a college educated female that works every day and takes care of my family, so I expect the consideration and respect from law enforcement that they so publicly portray.  Sorry for being so one-sided on this issue; however, I feel very strongly that law enforcement take their authority too far at every opportunity.