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Messages By: proudirish

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October 7, 2006, 11:08 am CDT

Divorcing the Family

Quote From: ms_northridge

I think that this realy is not right but if the mother and father are fighting all the time then maybe they can just step back for some time and step a way from one another for a year or maybe longer just maybe..

What has this world come to? When/Where did it become okay to divorce our children? Who in their right mind would even consider such a disgusting thing! The day you decided to concieve that child you also chose to commit you entire self to that child for the rest of your life. You can't choose to only be a parent when things are going well, infact it is when things are not going well that your child needs you to be the parent most. I find it very disburbing that our world has become so cold and so weak! It is in weakness that such a stupid conclusion was made. It is throwing in the towel and saying "I don't know how and I am too lazy to put the effort into learning how!" Unfortunately this is what our world has come to. Accepting failure and walking away from it instead of refusing failure and learning how to beat it.  You never fail if you are moving forward.

What I find even more sad is that you as a mother can just dis-regard the fact that your son ever existed. Do you not remember carrying him in your belly for 9 months. Do you remember how amazing it was to feel him growing inside of you. Every time he moved and kicked. Do you remember what you fealt the very first time you met him and held him in your arms? The overwhelming feeling of so much love and joy. Do you remember wondering how you can be filled with so much love and not explode? What about the first time he smiled at you or reached out and grabbed your hand, his first steps, his first day at school, his first girlfriend or broken heart. Do you really think that you can walk away from all of this? You see I don't think that you really can. The fact is, this decision will haunt you and your family forever. It will tear you up inside like you can' t even imagine. And you don't even want to know what it will do to your son!! It's okay to not know how to fix this right now. There is plenty of help for you out there, and you are you about to meet one of the best. It is not okay, however, to throw away so much over such little. Don't you think you are your family is worth the struggle? Love is much bigger than hatred and hurt, you just have to be willing to do whatever it takes to fight for it.  Parenting is suppose to be unconditional Love for the rest of your lives. Lead by example and your son will eventually follow your lead. Love breaks down the strongest of barriers, but hatred and anger builds them. You have not failed untill you have given up! You have it in you to turn this into something so beautiful, you just to find it. I pray that God will give you and your family the way to a happy life together forever. I pray that he will give you the strength and courage you will need to succeed and I pray that he show you the same kind of unconditional love that you shall share with your son.

 

Even if you choose to walk away, you will be the mother of this child until the day you die and a mother never forgets her son!!!

praying for you!

 

 
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October 8, 2006, 11:38 pm CDT

10/12 Divorcing the Family

Quote From: marcia1234

It's one thing to remember when they were tiny and needed you and the tantrums were fleeting, but another to deal with the daily lying, anger, harassment by your teen, and the fear that they will do something dangerous to you or themselves.  Sometimes drastic measures are all that are left.  Not everyone can afford a $5,000/month therapeutic school. 
I agree with you %100. I do not deny the fact that teenagers can be very unruly and even frightening at times. However, you as the parent set the boundaries. And yes, I know that sometimes drastic measures must be made. I unfortunately know this first hand! There are different levels of rebellion, and some teens take it to the extreme, but even in these cases it is unacceptable to simply give up and "divorce" that child. It is absalutely obsurd!!! If you have to ship him/her off to some place who can handle their needs then so be it, but even the most extreme rebellions need to know deep down their parents love and support them. If not then why bother turning back, there is no incentive. It gives them reason to destroy themselves.   Again it's called UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. There are many reasons as to why these teens could be doing what they are doing and they need us to help them get back on track. What do you think would happen if we all just started to divorce our children when they reached the snotty, disrespectfull, rebellious teen years? You need to figure out why your child is so angry. They don't just do it for the hell of it. Yes, part of it is just being a teenager and finding your place in the world. But when it is to an extreme there is something more and you need to get to the bottom of it, even if it takes 5yrs. It is your job as a parent to see past the action and figure out a way to get to the root of the situation. There are so many professionals out there today who can help you with that...don't you think we need to stop making exuses as to why it's okay to give up and start getting this world back on track? It truely does start in the home...
 
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October 9, 2006, 12:01 am CDT

10/12 Divorcing the Family

Quote From: cotto7

I too have an 8yr old boy who is out of control. Hitting constant fighting and argueing. It's not easy. Make my story short. married13years to a S.O.B. Had 4 children. Left him started a life with a man and his 8year old daughter who we have whenever  possible. I love her very much and treat her like my own. however it is very hard to keep everyone happy. It deffenetly gets in the way of my relationship with my significant other. I wish someone could show me how to put this family together as one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

                                                                         Thanks for listening

Divorce is very hard on children, especially when you throw an instant-family in the mixture. Your son prbably feels very confused and perhaps even jealous of your step daughter. He obviously hasn't accepted the divorce yet, and likely doesn't know how.  Hang in there and remind him every day how much he is loved by both you and your ex-husband. The worst thing you can do is make him feel unloved or unwanted by his biological father. Even if he's not around your son needs to know he is loved. You also need to remember that this is the time when your son needs to learn how to deal with his anger. You need to talk to him about his anger and teach him ways to vent that anger in a productive way because if you don't we will be hearing about your out of control teenager in a few years. He needs to know when his behaviour is unacceptable and he needs to be made accountable every time.  Now is the time to turn it around for your son. He has to be a priority for you right now. You need to be real with your son, they understand more than you realize, but leave out the negatives. Re-assure your son that it will stop hurting one day, and allow him to grieve for as long as he needs. If your son knows that he can call on you whenever he needs to, even if it's not the greatest time, he will get past this. You need to give him (and the rest of your children) your utmost attention now so that your situation will florish into the happy life that you are working so hard to provide. Just remember, kids need a lot of attention and guidance when they are hurting. This is the molding stage and you as their mother will make or break that. Keep up the good work and hang in there, it will get better...

 

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