Messages By: proudirish

What has this world come to? When/Where did it become okay to divorce our children? Who in their right mind would even consider such a disgusting thing! The day you decided to concieve that child you also chose to commit you entire self to that child for the rest of your life. You can't choose to only be a parent when things are going well, infact it is when things are not going well that your child needs you to be the parent most. I find it very disburbing that our world has become so cold and so weak! It is in weakness that such a stupid conclusion was made. It is throwing in the towel and saying "I don't know how and I am too lazy to put the effort into learning how!" Unfortunately this is what our world has come to. Accepting failure and walking away from it instead of refusing failure and learning how to beat it.  You never fail if you are moving forward.

What I find even more sad is that you as a mother can just dis-regard the fact that your son ever existed. Do you not remember carrying him in your belly for 9 months. Do you remember how amazing it was to feel him growing inside of you. Every time he moved and kicked. Do you remember what you fealt the very first time you met him and held him in your arms? The overwhelming feeling of so much love and joy. Do you remember wondering how you can be filled with so much love and not explode? What about the first time he smiled at you or reached out and grabbed your hand, his first steps, his first day at school, his first girlfriend or broken heart. Do you really think that you can walk away from all of this? You see I don't think that you really can. The fact is, this decision will haunt you and your family forever. It will tear you up inside like you can' t even imagine. And you don't even want to know what it will do to your son!! It's okay to not know how to fix this right now. There is plenty of help for you out there, and you are you about to meet one of the best. It is not okay, however, to throw away so much over such little. Don't you think you are your family is worth the struggle? Love is much bigger than hatred and hurt, you just have to be willing to do whatever it takes to fight for it.  Parenting is suppose to be unconditional Love for the rest of your lives. Lead by example and your son will eventually follow your lead. Love breaks down the strongest of barriers, but hatred and anger builds them. You have not failed untill you have given up! You have it in you to turn this into something so beautiful, you just to find it. I pray that God will give you and your family the way to a happy life together forever. I pray that he will give you the strength and courage you will need to succeed and I pray that he show you the same kind of unconditional love that you shall share with your son.

Even if you choose to walk away, you will be the mother of this child until the day you die and a mother never forgets her son!!!

praying for you!

Divorce is very hard on children, especially when you throw an instant-family in the mixture. Your son prbably feels very confused and perhaps even jealous of your step daughter. He obviously hasn't accepted the divorce yet, and likely doesn't know how.  Hang in there and remind him every day how much he is loved by both you and your ex-husband. The worst thing you can do is make him feel unloved or unwanted by his biological father. Even if he's not around your son needs to know he is loved. You also need to remember that this is the time when your son needs to learn how to deal with his anger. You need to talk to him about his anger and teach him ways to vent that anger in a productive way because if you don't we will be hearing about your out of control teenager in a few years. He needs to know when his behaviour is unacceptable and he needs to be made accountable every time.  Now is the time to turn it around for your son. He has to be a priority for you right now. You need to be real with your son, they understand more than you realize, but leave out the negatives. Re-assure your son that it will stop hurting one day, and allow him to grieve for as long as he needs. If your son knows that he can call on you whenever he needs to, even if it's not the greatest time, he will get past this. You need to give him (and the rest of your children) your utmost attention now so that your situation will florish into the happy life that you are working so hard to provide. Just remember, kids need a lot of attention and guidance when they are hurting. This is the molding stage and you as their mother will make or break that. Keep up the good work and hang in there, it will get better...