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Messages By: sheriearl

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June 20, 2006, 6:02 am CDT

My teen

My 15 year old is my stepdaughter who came to live with us when she was 12.  We learned about her existence when we were planning our wedding and her mom called my husband when she was 7 and said I think I had your daughter 7 years ago.  Needless to say that was a difficult time and she has had a rough life, if you can imagine the kind of mother she has just from that initial action.  Anyways, my daughter has had difficulty with peers, recently getting in a fight where the other girl got suspended.  Many girls saying she is talking behind their backs, etc.. Last week I received a call at 1 am from a girl stating she was calling Brittney from Planned Parenthood(obviously a prank call).  This was a message I received in the morning off the answering machine at 5am when I got up.  We have caller ID so I called this girl back.  She initially got snotty with me and hung up on me, I immediately called her back and had a discussion with her about how she felt she was helping the situation by calling and leaving a prank call on her parents phone who both work and are not up at 1am.  I told her I felt she had issues and must have bought into what she felt was being said behind her back.  I told her she should have talked to Brittney if she had a problem not hide behind a prank call.  I told her she should get help through counseling and ended the call.  My daughter felt good that I stuck up for her and put the issues back on this girl and tried to have a reasonable discussion with her.  Thanks for listening
 
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frustrated
July 20, 2006, 9:25 am CDT

Bad Day?

Usually I see eye to eye with you Dr. Phil.  I love how you confront and make people face the truth.  However, today you seemed off.  Maybe some transference going on?  Anyways, in my opinion it was very obvious that this guy was lying.  He was avoiding your questions and intellectualizing.  The wife seemed to be honest and admit to what she has done wrong.  You seemed to be confronting her on her trip with him and if she feared her life why did she come with him.  You know how manipulators, charmers, and abusive people can be.  I believe she does know when to fear him and after this show she should.  Maybe that was your tactic now that I think about it.  Maybe you didn't want to put him in his place due to him not feeling like he was in control or "on top" and then his wife having to face that.  However, you seemed to come down harder on the wife.  I believe you should watch this segment and watch closely how he answers and how she answers.  Keep in mind how a wife of this many years would be with an abuser.  It is not unlikely for her to be with him, especially considering he has the kids and she needs to play her cards right too.  Also, I do work with state police as well as local police, and they do stay close together.  They protect their title and do cover up for each other...not all, but there are some.  Keep that in mind.  Thanks for listening to my opinion as well.    

Sincerely, Sheri Heflin  

 
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hopeful
October 2, 2006, 9:37 am CDT

There is help and a way to make them want it!

I am a psychologist and hypnotherapist and have been helping many students in and around my community with test anxiety, memory, confidence, sports improvement, and the results have been higher grades and happier kids, at school, as well as, at home.  Hypnosis is fun and exciting for kids.  They respond well because they typically don't have the fear and misconceptions that adults do.  It also is the "instant gratification" that teens are always looking for.  Hypnosis is often immediate, results seen after the first session.  You have to empower your teen to choose this method.  Don't push them into it, just mention it.  Have a hypnotherapist come to their psychology class for an informative discussion.  Kids love when I come to class.  I hope this helps any of you with kids struggling in school, and parents struggling at home.
 
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happy
October 18, 2006, 7:37 am CDT

Not just teachers

I just wanted to make the comment that this is not just an issue dealing with teachers.  I understand they may have more of an opportunity and they're in a place of authority over these children, however, some kids view all adults in their lives as authority figures.  In a town close to mine a wife of a person I know was having sex with a minor child neighbor and many of his friends.  She is now sitting in prison for 7 years.  It is amazing to see these highly publisized cases and these women getting away with what they did, or getting a slap on the hand, and here with the local case near my town,which was not publisized, she received 7 years in prison.  I am unsure of the "right" amount of time these women should face, or men, however, to parade them on t.v. as these beautiful women we should feel sorry for seems ridiculous.  I am sure these women have selfesteem issues as well as possible past sexual abuse issues, however, shouldn't the issue be treated the same as we treat a man in this position.  These women definitely need help and definitely need punishment.
 
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October 20, 2006, 6:11 am CDT

10/19 Teacher Caught in the Act

I agree with Dr Phil that this is a crime, and she should have known based on her education and age not to put herself in a position for this to have happened.  I believe we do need to remember, though, that 18 is an age that has been placed on the time we all become adults, but that is not always the case psychologically.  That is an age for the justice system that needs to be there, however, we have seen kids under 18 charged as adults...so what does that say about this 15/16 year old boy?  Anyways, the main point I want to make is about prevention of this ever-growing problem.  Why not make this part of a teacher's curriculum in college?  Have a class on ethics, and specifically discuss the law and how these soon-to-be teachers can prevent themselves from putting themselves in this position.  As a psychologist I had to take an ethics class as a required class.  I am not in a position to make this happen at the college/university level, but if there is anyone who can take this issue on I think we could prevent this problem from becoming bigger.  Thanks for listening. -- Sheri
 
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frustrated
November 20, 2006, 6:41 am CST

Rude relatives

I have an aunt (my dad's sister) that is extremely narcissistic and rude.  As a child we used to spend a lot of time at my aunt's house.  Now she will not speak to my dad, or any of the family, including her own mother who is 84.  My dad takes care of my grandma, going over there at least once a day because she still wants to stay in her house.  My brother and I take care of her when my dad goes on vacation..he is retired.  The whole reason she is angry is unclear.  She stopped talking to my grandma after her son lost his baby at birth.  Maybe jealousy because my dad has grandkids.  Anyways,  the most frustrating part of her rudeness is that she claims to be extremely religious.  She has a "church family" and has always been very involved in her church.  I just don't understand how you can miss the point of church and family when you're that involved.  It really is sad that she is missing out on my grandma's lilfe.  She will not be around much longer.  I'm sure my aunt will justify her behavior in whatever way lets her off the hook.  Sometimes rudeness comes in what you don't do. 

 
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confused
November 27, 2006, 6:54 am CST

Hypnosis?

Jeremy mentioned hypnosis as a means at getting at the truth?  I am a Nationally Certified Hypnotherapist and a Psychologist and this does not make any sense.  In what way does he want to use hypnosis.  It is a very therapeutic technique if healing needs to be done.  You cannot use mind control in hypnosis, and if a person doesn't want to respond they won't.  The only way hypnosis could help him is if he is guilty and he needs to heal himself, and that would be only if he wanted it.  This statement from him leads me to believe he is ignorant about hypnosis, or knows alot about it and is guilty.  Hypnosis cannot be used at getting at the truth from someone who does not want to give up the truth.  I'm disgusted that he would mention such a wonderful technique to confuse the minds of people that don't understand the usefulness of it.  Regarding the issue of Child Protective Services, you have to judge this state by state and county by county.  I am happy to know that Dr. Phil has had great experiences with them where he is from.  I have worked in two different counties and have seen some good work and some not so good work.  We also have to remember their job is very difficult and they have false accusations they have to weed through also.  It is not as cut and dry as it seems.  I hope my comments are helpful.  I would be happy to give more info. on hypnosis if needed.  Thanks for your time. . . Sheri Heflin, MA, LLP, NCHT
 
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November 27, 2006, 7:09 am CST

Cheating is a symptom

Cheating is just one symptom of the problem.  The problem may be a personal issue that the cheating person has, or it may be a problem within the relationship.  The actual act of cheating is not the original problem, again it is just a symptom.  So, if you fix/heal the problem the cheating will cease.  The saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" is often true because once cheating is exposed that is what is highlighted not any other part of the individual or relationship.  So the individual never gets to the root of the problem, and hence the cheating continues.  If people want to continue on in a relationship after a partner has cheated they need to be willing to look at what the true problem is in the relationship or with the individual who cheated.  It doesn't mean that the person who was cheated on doesn't have the right to be angry, hurt, etc... it just means to get past it they have to look deeper.  Thanks for listening.  Sheri Heflin, MA, LLP, NCHT
 
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hopeful
November 27, 2006, 7:26 am CST

Never give up on yourself

I know this can be a struggle for people.  That is because when we try to lose weight we are using will power which is in our conscious mind and will power doesn't usually last.  To have lasting results and a changed life forever, we must get the change down into our subconscious mind.  Now we can do this on our own, because we have seen some people lose and keep it off, however, it is difficult.  The easiest way I know to do it is through hypnosis.  I am a hypnotherapist and suggest people try this technique.  If you do decide to try this technique there are some things to know that will be helpful.  The technique of hypnosis itself is very easy.  Most people(90% or higher) can be hypnotized.  It is the acceptance of the suggestion of weight loss that is difficult.  On the conscious level we may want to lose weight, however, our subconscious mind is very protective and may reject the suggestion based on believing it may be protecting you in some way.  One extreme example would be if you were sexually assaulted in some way in your past and your subconscious may have believed that if you gained weight you would be less attractive and this would be a form of protection against further assaults.  Now logically we know better than this, but emotionally we may feel differently.  That is also why we emotionally eat, even though logically we know it is bad for us.  So if you choose to do hypnosis, make sure you are willing to dig a little deeper into your psyche and also make sure the hypnotherapist is willing to do so as well.  Ya see, I am a psychologist as well, and not all hypnotists are.  So I am always using this technique to heal people on a deeper level.  It won't hurt anyone to try this technique, and it really isn't that expensive.  Shop around and make sure to go to someone well-respected.  I know you will be amazed with the results.  Thanks for listening.  Sheri
 
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November 27, 2006, 7:43 am CST

11/28 Jeremy Returns

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Could hypnosis be used to find out what happened to him at a younger age?
Yes it could, but only if he was willing and wanted to know.  All of our memory is in our subconscious mind, we never forget anything.  Also, in hypnosis we re-live, we don't just remember.  So a person has to be willing to bring back any emotion that they have lived.  I don't ever regress people back to find out information they do not already know, unless it is something simple like something they lost.  My liability insurance prevents me from regressing people for info. they don't know regarding something tragic, like abuse.  Because people don't truly understand hypnosis, insurance isn't willing to allow this.  Not only can people be regressed to heal over past tragic events, like a car accident, but you can also regress to a happy time as well.  I saw a 27 year old who lost her father when she was a toddler and she had no conscious memory of him because she was so young when he died, so I regressed her back to a happy memory of being with her dad, and she now has that in her conscious memory and she was able to relive that moment.  It was so awesome to see.  And hypnosis can be used for simple things like finding lost items, if you knew where they were at one time, or you misplaced something.  It is such a wonderful technique and fun too.  I've tried to get Dr Phil to do a show on it.  Anyways, I hope I answered your question. Thanks, Sheri
 

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