Messages By: sante420
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March 14, 2006, 8:50 am PST
 Quote From: regguy
If you can't seem to find a faithfull man then you must be doing something wrong. The surveys say 20 to 25% of men cheat. So how are you missing the 75% of good guys. Dr. Phil says that if you are always getting the wrong results then you need to look at yourself. Your e-mail was short but from what you wrote it would appear that you take great pride in being young looking. From this I would guess that you are throwing yourself at younger guys cause it feeds this ego boost you seem to need. These younger men probably just like the great sex and since they don't see a future they feel free to disrespect you. I have even seen a web site advise younger guys to go for it with older women cause the sex is great and they don't nag. But rememeber don't get attached as this is just a short term physical fling. I think men who only date younger women are jack _______. The same can be said for older women who only date younger men jill______. So take a long look in the mirror. Ask a friend or see a counselor as to what you are doing wrong. But try a relationship with a younger acting guy your age. This might work better for you.
GOOD LUCK!
Surveys are always biased and to say that a woman is doing something wrong because she can't seem to find a faithful man, is kind of harsh. It's not about age or about being right or wrong. It's about women who get trapped in bad relationships because they can't find their own identities in themselves. Their men become their reason for living. They don't feel complete without a man. That's like throwing oneself into the lions' den. I was married years ago to a pathological liar and he got me good. He was good sneak and a cheater. Back then my approach was to try and talk with him after he would return from a 48 hour disappearance. I thought I was being a caring wife, by giving him all that attention, everytime he decided to come back home. The more he acted out and abandoned me the more I wanted him with increased anxiety. Eventually I found tangable evidence of his cheating. I made us both go for HIV/AIDS and STD tests and told him that if the results came back positive I would charge him and his girlfriend with attempted murder. The tests were all negative! Eventually he decided to leave the marriage because he didn't feel like he wanted the responsibilities of being married any more. He moved in with another woman and we got divorced. I broke down after he left from the years of physical and emotional abuse, neglect,my head bashed in by his fist, one too many times and the post traumatic events. After a few years of support groups, therapy and hospitalizations, I now have my own identity, and have leaned to forgive myself, not him, but me! I had the problem, not him. He was fine with his seedy lifestyle and I wasn't. I tried to get him to acknowledge that it was our problem because we were supposedly in this marriage together. Now I see that I was waiting on him to suddenly one day see the light. But he wasn't interested even though I tried talking to him, even wrote long letters to him. What I learnt from that marriage was after the first incident of abuse, that would have been prime time to kick him out, instead of trying to understand and work through his garbage. He had it too good because I kept taking him back and forgiving him because he had a troubled childhood...who hasn't ? Today, I have a one strike policy...one strike and he's history. Men cheat because they can. Women let them,because they keep taking them back, which just makes them more subsurviant to their men. If both people are older then a 10+ age difference is not going to be the main cause for a bad relationship. I am in my 50's and I would date a younger man, like in his 40's. I would also date a man who was in his 60's+. Where I draw the line is if the man is young enough to be my son or grandson. Never again will I be a victim or a door mat or become a co-dependant to anyone. The better one treats themselves and the more respect one has for their own life and well being, the better quality people they will attract. |
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April 15, 2006, 8:59 pm PDT
Quote From: cherylclev So I've dated him for four months. Been seeing him everyday, He had been leaving some things at my house, for when he would stay over night. One night this week after a petty disagreement I come home to find all of his belongings gone. He did not call or come by for two days. I did figure that he was GONE. I did not chase him down to ask, I was hurt that he would give up without a word. Yesterday he calls and says" Hey whats up" like nothing ever happened. Sure theres more to the story, but really thats the short version. When I acted confused to hear from him, and was hurt that he acted like it was no biggie- he got angry. Okay the question I have is did he break up with me and then have a change of heart, or did he just take all of his things home on day while I was at work, and then forget to call or come by for three days? Because he thinks that I should have came by his house or tried to get ahold of him for clairifacation, it's my bad. I'm not sure I want to continue a relationship with someone who chooses to walk away whenever there is an uncomfortable issue that is brought up. I have children that do not have a father in their life and they had really come to love this man, as do I. I am not sure I can get past this. He insists that I am making a mountain out of a mole hill. He had a lot of stuff here!! He probably had to really look around to get it all. He missed a birthday dinner and a volleyball game of my oldest daughters and really he knew she expected him to be there. He could be scared, but hey thats not the point. Did he leave me, then want to come back and if he did won't he leave again if things get rocky... and things do tend to get rocky in life It sounds to me like you desperately want a 'father figure' around, because in 4 short months you've allowed this man to come into your children's lives, before you gave yourself enough time to get to know him, as HIM.
There is no way that I would let a man I hardly knew start leaving stuff at my place .
But I feel like this guy has all the markers of an abusiver and a player.
You and he had a disagreement, so he had a tantrum by removing his things and splitting for a few days, as if to show you he's got the upper hand with you.
He' already turning things around and putting the blame, responsiblity on your shoulders, even though he's the one that walked out on you for a few days.
I think you are starting to see more of the real him and if you take him back, he's going to come and go as he please, again, and again.
He puts you down, is a no-show for important events and gets angry at you for his behaviour.
If you are looking for a good male role model for your kids, he is definitely, not a candidate! If you are looking for a good mature man for yourself, he's not it, by a long shot!
My suggestion to you is, keeping your dating and your kids separate from each other, until you have taken more time to get to know a new man in your life. And spending every day together, right away, is too much, to soon.
You asked if he's left you...was he ever really with you!
He's so typical of abusive men who end up making your life miserable and confusing.
What's the rush?
Your kids don't need to have their hearts broken too, because you've 'come to love this man'.
What do you love about him...his reliability,responsibility and his consideration for your kids' feelings? |
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April 22, 2006, 4:48 am PDT
Quote From: blacksea i am writing this a my sister vicki doesnt have access to a computer. she is 47 and is dying from herion. she looks like she weighs only about 80 pounds and wants to stop, but needs methadone etc to quit, to quit cold turkey now would probably kill her and she knows it, we have no funds for rehab and the cheapest ones someone found a while ago wanted at least $50 ? a week for methadone. she looks like she is dying and i am afraid she is going to as well. what can we do ? can anyone plz recommend a free clinc for this in around downtown denver colorado plz ? does any one have any connections that they would be willing to use in order to save her life ? does anyone know of any body who runs a program that would be willing to to take her for free plz ? she has been on herion for a few years now and wants to stop. plz help us someone plz. dr. Phill plz read this and help us ! :0) Denver, CO Name: Addiction Research and Treatment Services
Comprehensive Addiction Treatment Services
Name: Western Clinical Health Services of Colorado
Hope this info helps both you and your sister! Good luck! |
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April 22, 2006, 4:54 am PDT
Quote From: sante420 Denver, CO Name: Addiction Research and Treatment Services
Comprehensive Addiction Treatment Services
Name: Western Clinical Health Services of Colorado
Hope this info helps both you and your sister! Good luck! Megan Marx, M.P.A. Controlled Substance Administrator Colorado Department of Human Services Alcohol and Drug Abuse Division 4055 S. Lowell Boulevard Denver, CO 80236 Phone: (303) 866-7493 Fax: (303) 866-7481 Email: megan.marx@state.co.us
Just found this place to add to the list! |
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May 12, 2006, 11:21 am PDT
Quote From: mgcarroll I would never have thought I would be seeking help at this time of my life. I am a 67 year old and my husband is 68. My husband and I have been married sixteen months. He was a widower (14 years) and I was a widow (8 years). We dated for over four years and even broke up for about six months at one point. When we got back together, it just seemed like we really were meant for each other. He was so loving and gave my more attention than I had ever had. We have had many stressful things once we were married. He sold his house, moved him here and putting an addition on to my house. He is doing most of the work himself. He is very intelligent and can do almost any thing. My problem is that he is a very sarcastic and moody individual. He always has to be right and he can and does say anything he likes but as soon as I react, he yells at me and then for whatever period of time he needs, he will pout. He is the one who decides when things are ok again. Of course, I have allowed him to do this. But any attempt to talk to him results in nothing changing. Now I saw all this type of behavior before we married but it didn't happen often. Now it is almost every week. Even his kids (4) tellme I must stand up to him or he will run over me. I am very depressed and lately wishing we had not gotten married. I don't know how this can be resolved and it is eating me up.
Gail
Listen to his 4 kids. I don't know how old they are, because you didn't say, but regardless, they are giving you some solid advise. This relationship has been a troubled one right from the start, from what you say.
He's always right and does what he wants, says whatever comes out of his mouth, because as you say, he can! You are allowing him to walk all over you. He knows he can get away with it, so far.
When he misbehaves and gets into a pout he's behaving like a little boy having a temper tantrum and that's when he know that you will give him lots of attention, by trying to get him to talk with you and to become more reasonable.
He knows how to control you, make you afraid, intimidated and beaten down. It's working!
You know that the way you deal with him, hasn't worked and it sounds like it's not getting any better, so maybe you need to find another perspective on this whole situation with your husband and your depression. Don't be afraid to take chances. Read him the riot act. Put your foot down, actually both feet down. Depression is the flip side of same coin of anger. Get out of that inward depression and flip it around so that you can start addressing what is pissing you off so much about your husband and your marriage.
No matter which way you cut it, there is absolutely no good reason for him to feel like he has the right to yell at you and talk to you in a disrespectful way, at any time, for any reason. But you have been letting him to the point of sinking into a depression. It's safer for him to have you this way, then as a confident impowered woman.
You have to 1st start to believe that you will not except this kind of treament from or anyone else. Stop letting him take over your life, marriage,house,and sense of worth. Go for some counselling by yourself, if he won't go with you. But, whatever, don't keep giving him all the power, including your own say.
You need to set better boundries and know more confidently what your priorities are in terms of how you expect to be treated. You know, you don't have to put up with a verbally abusive man, no matter what your age is. You are still young, but if you don't start taking the bull by the horns, you are going to age quickly from all this garbage being dumped on you, like you are some kind of human land fill site! Good luck and stand up for yourself!
sante
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January 14, 2008, 11:22 am PST
Quote From: koolaidemom 1st, let me say that just because the show airs in your area in the afternoon does not mean it airs everywhere in the afternoon. Here it is on at 9am. Even though there are warnings posted at the beginning of shows that does not mean that people actually heed the warning and therefore would be upset with the Dr. Phil show for saying the words that you want left in. My suggestion to you is that if you don't understand what the A word, B word, C word, and F word are then you may want to have someone explain it to you. There are rules about what can and can not be said on TV and it is not up to the Dr. Phil show to make those descisions. They are just following rules are set for ALL TV. In the same respect, the Dr. Phil show can not control what comes out of the mouths of their guests. Therefore, editing is required. You need to learn a basic understanding of American TV laws. The show is sindicated and shows at different times in different time zones, in different countries. Legally all shows that are mainstream, especially in the USA, have to put that disclaimer at the start of the show warning people about expicit language, sexual content, voilence, or whatever. It's part of those ratings like PG, etc. I like the more liberal stations in my province and who gives a shyte what words are used to express some kink. I don't agree that the show can't control what comes out of their guests' mouths. The show hand picks these numbnuts, and screens then pretty carefully, I would think. If the show is now into putting spy cams in these rediculious people's homes, then the show sure knows what kind of people they are working with. The show is on during the day when most people are at work. The show is not primarily geared toward those working people. It's geared to those that are a lot like the yahoos they get on the show. After all, if a person is really functioning in their own lives, then they are not waiting at home for their TV hour of pop psychology. I like these talk shows because I usually get a good power nap out of them. |
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