Messages By: maxxy96

Quote From: wings2fly

  

My understnding is that there are several genes associated with Bipolar Disorder.  The more of these genes that you have, the more chance you have of becoming Bipolar.  Additionally, genes 

are just part of the equation.  Having any number of these genes can make a person more 

suseptable to the disease, but life events, especially trauma and stress can be the catalist 

turns a few burning embers into a full blown blazing fire. 

  

If you are related to a Bipolar person it is imperative that take care of yourself physically and 

emotionally.  This means eating right, sleeping enough, stress reduction techniques, leading 

a low key, low demand lifestyle. 

Quote From: killerb255

Sorry, but I think at this point you should be ashamed of yourself.  Don't get me wrong: this is a result of a lack of education, but you should be ashamed nonetheless.  You don't tell someone in a wheelchair that they can stand up and walk if they wanted to badly enough!  Therefore, you don't tell someone with bipolar disorder that they can control their ups and downs if they wanted to badly enough! 

  

Many people don't look at mental disorders in the same way as, say, a physical disorder.  Mental disorders aren't as transparent.  If someone's missing a leg, you can see that, and if you're good at seeing things from perspective, you can empathize with the person (you may not be able to do so to the point of emulating the exact experience that person had, but...) 

  

Don't get me wrong.  Some people do hyper-exaggerate their limits, making it easy to use their disorders as an excuse for their actions.  Their actions are not any more right because they have a disorder, BUT...if they were able to exercise full control of their actions, it wouldn't be a disorder, wouldn't it? 

Quote From: marieanne

I just had an episode with my son who is 25 and living in another state.We spoke on the phone which led to an argument.He has not been diagnosed with bipolar but I'm pretty sure he has it .I also believe I may be suffering from it too.I too cannot take it when he blows up out of control for my own wellbeing.Our relationship has been very difficult.At times he is just so verbally abusive and the last time I spoke to him I told him to have anice life and that I didn't want to talk to him anymore.I am getting ready to call him and ask him to really try to not to speak to me that way and I in turn will respect him also.He knows that there is a problem within himself and has talked about getting help.I know that Personally with me trying to control my moods is really  hard.It is like having a t really bad case of pms at times.It feels like your saying things you know are mean and hurtful at the time and you just can't stop yourself.You can actually feel your blood boiling.So don't be too hard on her,maybe we just need to tell them we will talk to them when they're in better spirits and let it go till they calm down.I never got to watch the show today,I was really looking forward to getting some insight on the subject,but reading the message board has really been an eye opener.My prayers are with you.

Quote From: sunny23

Hi there maxxy 96! 

After years of battling depression and anxiety (meds would work, then "stop"), my husband was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder II back in December .  Since then, i have been reading everything and anything I can get my "eyes" on to learn about this disease so  I can do my best to get us both through it. This is a HORRIBLE disease that negatively impacts every aspect of the patient's life - especially the relationships with family and friends!  The most important thing you can do is learn as much about this illness as possible - for yourself as much as for your daughter.  And, learn about it from sources other than your daughter.  If she is in the middle of either a manic or depressive episode, or both, her thoughts will most likely be irrational and distorted and you will be more confused than ever.  Here's a list of some of the best sites I have found that offer info and support specifically to family members of bipolar patients...i have forwarded them to my own family and in-laws! (sorry if you already have all this!): 

•  One is www.nami.org - national alliance for the mentally ill.  They offer free classes in every state for both bipolar patients and their family.  they also have support groups you can join both in your area as well as online like this one.
• Another good one is www.dbsalliance.org - depression and bipolar support alliance.  Similar groups and support as nami
• The third one I like is www.healthyplace.com.  This site contains information for several mental illnesses, and if you follow the bipolar links and click support, there are 15-20 articles compiled discussing how to support a loved one.  They are really helpful!  like what to say or not to say to someone with bipolar, how to care for you while trying to help your daughter, that anger, denial, confusion, etc are all normal reactions to this terrible disease, etc.

From any of these sites, there are links to several other sites - hours and hours of reading.  Because everyone's symptoms are different, you will ultimately have to decide if your daughter is using her illness to take advantage of you.  And you definitely have to set boundries with her; nobody has to take abuse.  But there may be something you are saying or doing (unintentionally!!!) that makes her lash out at you.  

I hope this helped and wish you the very best!! 

Quote From: knitster

My mother is bipolar, and she has caused much grief for my grandma and me.  My mom sent me to my grandma when I was a toddler, and she raised me.  My mom moved in when I was in kindergarden and they have been together most of the time since.  My mom also has difficulty showing gratitude.  Often, she will not remember her mother's birthday.  And if my grandmother complains, my mom will go on a tirade about how the things she does is not being appreciated.  (Now that my grandmother is elderly, my mom is trying her best to help out by cooking etc--but has been on SSI most of her life.)  I believe my grandmother tries to be controlling and my mom rebels against that.  She has paranoid ideas that she can't control--delusions.  The medicine helps some, but has never made her normal.  There were times when she would hate my grandma.  I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.  I have not had children of my own, just step-kids, because of fears that my child would turn out like my mother and I would have another burden to bear.  Sometimes is is best to lower your expectations. It is hard to tell when they have control or don't.  I would set limits with her, but not to the point of completely cutting off contact.  I very much recommend finding help at the websites the other person told you about--you have to know how to treat a person with bipolar to minimize exacerbating outbursts.   

  

You can't change how she behaves, you can only change how you respond to her.  Try being always respectful, and don't yell back.  Right or wrong, my favorite coping mechanism is to withdraw from the situation until things are calmer--leave the room or house, hang up the phone when she is abusive.  In turn, avoid things that irritate her.  Moms have a way of doing that without even knowing it.  I've found that people respond better if you give them choices, and treat them with respect, and remain calm if they start freaking out.  Validate her feeling when appropriate.   

  

I think a support group for family of mentally ill might be very helpful to you in trying to understand your daughter's illness and how to cope with it.  www.nami.org may be helpful in finding one.  Regarding SSI, if your daughter is as volatile as I imagine, I don't know how she could hold a job whild having temper outbursts.  Keep trying.  Perhaps nami will have some ideas.  Perhaps if she tries to work and gets fired enought they would figure it out.   Also, some people have been helped by Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, (DBT).  My mom most likely wouldn't do it, as she hates psychologists, but if your daughter has any hope of controlling herself, this is the way to learn those skills.  (Such as if she has a component of Borderline Personality Disorder--just something to think about).   

  

Good Luck.  Sorry to have gone on so long.