Messages By: sunny23
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March 7, 2006, 3:58 pm PST
 Quote From: maxxy96 My 30 year old daughter is bi-polar. I guess I do not understand her behavior. I have seen her really get angry and mad and I have also seen her act okay. I think she can control herself if she wanted to badly enough. Recently, to take care of myself, I have told her that she was not going to be allowed to scream and yell at me anymore. She would treat me with respect or not at all. I am prepared to have no more contact with her at all if she does not treat me right.................bipolar or not! maxxy 96. Hi there maxxy 96! After years of battling depression and anxiety (meds would work, then "stop"), my husband was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder II back in December . Since then, i have been reading everything and anything I can get my "eyes" on to learn about this disease so I can do my best to get us both through it. This is a HORRIBLE disease that negatively impacts every aspect of the patient's life - especially the relationships with family and friends! The most important thing you can do is learn as much about this illness as possible - for yourself as much as for your daughter. And, learn about it from sources other than your daughter. If she is in the middle of either a manic or depressive episode, or both, her thoughts will most likely be irrational and distorted and you will be more confused than ever. Here's a list of some of the best sites I have found that offer info and support specifically to family members of bipolar patients...i have forwarded them to my own family and in-laws! (sorry if you already have all this!):
From any of these sites, there are links to several other sites - hours and hours of reading. Because everyone's symptoms are different, you will ultimately have to decide if your daughter is using her illness to take advantage of you. And you definitely have to set boundries with her; nobody has to take abuse. But there may be something you are saying or doing (unintentionally!!!) that makes her lash out at you. I hope this helped and wish you the very best!! |
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March 7, 2006, 8:45 pm PST
Quote From: gwenthagy I have read the messages you all have posted and know what you and your loved ones are going through. It is heartbreaking! My 15 year old was originally diagnosed ADHD by several doctors at Texas Children's Hospital in Houston, Texas when she was 4 years old. We took her to the best. About a year ago she was diagnosed with BiPolar II. I have to travel 4 and half hours once a month to get the best medical care for her. Her case is very mlld compared to what the rest of you are going through, however after reading some of your messages I do wonder if some of you have been properly diagnosed? She has been doing very well and living a normal life with Lacmital (150 mg. daily) and Adderall (15 mg. daily). My question is: Are there varying degrees of BiPolar II (which my understanding is nothing compared to the more serious BiPolar I)? Please enlighten me if you know. Thanks for your help! HI!
My husband was diagnosed with Bipolar II in December. As with most bipolar cases, it has taken 10 years+ and 4 different doctors to get to this point. He is 33 years old and has tried at least 6 different anti-depressants and numerous sleep meds since 1999, but the depression kept "coming back". Bipolar always came up, but we, along with the doctors, would always dismiss it because he never had mania - not the way we pictured it at least. We stumbled upon our current doctor and she explained to us "hypomania" symptoms and it finally clicked. He has been on Lamictal for only 2 weeks now so we are still in the "waiting for buildup" stage. I am so happy to hear your daughter is doing well on it & it gives me hope that it will possible give my husband some relief. Since December, I have been reading everything and anything I can find regarding bipolar II disorder and have found some helpful websites that describe the different "variations" of bipolar. These sites also have links to other sites, recommend books, support groups, etc. I hope you find them helpful as well.
In case you haven't been told lately, you are a WONDERFUL parent for driving so far to insure your daughter gets the care she needs. She is very lucky to have you...be sure to take care of yourself too!! best of luck! |
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March 7, 2006, 9:47 pm PST
Quote From: vegemite (Not aimed at today's show.) I get so tired of seeing people whinge on about how much support and help people with bipolar need. That's true, yes, but people so often forget the family that has to put up with them--and I do mean put up, suffer, trudge on like a dog. I was glad to see today's show display the truth of how it was affecting Cathy's children. And I, like her children, feel there's no hope for her. In all reality, we just don't scientifically understand the illness enough yet to cure or normalize the lives of those living with it (especially those with severe cases). I've also seen the many posts on this board that are entirely sympathetic to people living with bipolar, which is fine, but also go so far as to imply that those of us who have lived around it don't have valid pains or reflexive hurts. To anyone with bipolar: you aren't the only victims, believe me. And plenty of people do actually understand the facts of bipolar; but book facts are so different from living around it, just as living with it. People who live with those with bipolar are in pain, too. My personal experience with my father has been that he's just so wrapped up in his own hurt and selfishness that he can't imagine anyone around him is getting caught in the fire. He's has had various addictions that I've been caught in the middle of (as part of the bipolar perhaps? who knows.) and is mildly borderline. I'm nineteen now, looking at moving out of my home in a few months, and I couldn't be happier about that. The stress levels of even being on my own in a big world (overseas, at that) are so much nicer than those which exist in my house because of my father. He's stark raving mad. A lot of what Cathy said on the show today is what I've heard my father say in the past--hell, last week even. And today. "I love you, I love you, I love." But the second he doesn't like something, or the second he decides to misinterpret and twist your words, his lips will purse, and "to ****ing hell with you." He's mostly this way with my mother, but being an only child, I've come between it throughout my entire life; I've had to take the role of peacemaker, believe it or not (as I know this post is pretty biting). I've also had to call the cops for my and my mother's safety once, and I've come close to it numerous other times. A man of my father's size can be frightening and intimidating, when he weighs 300 pounds more than you do and is a foot taller. It's pure hell to live in. In the end of course, he's so, so very sorry. And he wants to repent. He hopes he can change. Like Cathy, he's got lots of hope, and, oh, he's willing to do anything! He just doesn't want us to leave. And so on and so forth. And it lasts for maybe a few days or, if we're lucky, months. The problem with this is that he's never really sorry for the actions or decisions he's made; he's just sorry about the consequences which usually hurt him too. My father has backed my mother into corners, and yet he argues with us on what is and isn't abuse, saying that he's "never physically harmed either of us." I'll let anyone reading this take that as they will. Of course, when he's ready to be a five-year-old in a 400-pound, 6'2 body again, he'll "transform." Those apologies disappear so quickly! It's not an unconscious decision, or at least I don't feel it is with my father. It's rather convenient how he only acts this way when he doesn't absolutely, 100% get his way in life. (e.g. Today, he thought his fries at a fast food restaurant were undercooked, so he called the company's 800-number to verbally lay into some poor, uninformed soul on the other end. or Takes statements out of context so he can be a victim.) These are the sorts of things I hope people who don't know anything about bipolar will be aware of, for when they do come in contact with it; frankly, I don't care if people with the disease disagree with me. People living with bipolar are genuinely remorseful, but they can be genuinely hateful, vindictive, cruel and manipulative too. No studies or findings on low amounts of serotonin or chemical imbalances will ever make me believe that a human being can mentally, emotionally, and physically harm their spouses and children for no reason and be in such a "white rage" that they don't know it. What if we gave cold-blooded murderers the same slide? (Not that we don't, to an extent, what with the "insanity" plea that is [sometimes abused.) What if we said, "Oops, you killed someone! That must be because you couldn't help yourself." If only we all had such wonderful pardons. And second chances, third chances, and on. I can't say this is the case for all bipolar people, but I think in the case of some (many?), and in the case of my father, they don't want to be cured or truly get better. My father loves the highs and lows, and it's obvious. He loves to get something started. From the second he wakes up in the morning (or at 6pm, if that's what he's feeling like that day), you can tell whether he'll be starting something or not. He'll be snappy; he'll twist your words; he'll do anything to start a fight or to hurt you. And it's about finding what works now. He used to "threaten" suicide, until he found we didn't believe him (he loves himself far too much, honestly), so now it's all about how much we're hurting him, and how he'll leave my mother and screw her over financially. (Real nice to say to your wife of 21 years.) My father's been to many good, professional psychiatrists in multiple states and taken a plethora of pills, but pills really can't make a person want to change, and that's where the difference among some bipolar people is, I think. Some truly want to change, and others are perfectly happy being the center of attention and energy all the time, no matter how negative it is. I can't say I have much sympathy anymore, as I've run out of it. I'm nice to him, as a child should be to her parents, but I shall be glad to wave goodbye. :) hey there - I just want to say that I am really sorry for what you have been through with your father. My husband was recently diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder. As with most bipolar cases, he has gone 10+ years of periodic relief with anti-depressants, only to sink lower the next bout of depression. There is nothing worse in this life than having to watch someone you love suffer these symptoms and know you can't say a thing to make them feel better. I know I am very lucky because he is a GREAT man and wants so badly to feel "like himself" again. With his illness, he is only hateful and mean to himself, so I can't relate to what you have gone through. I have been doing a lot of research on bipolar though and it seems that, as with anything in life, there are those who choose to play the victim and use their illness to manipulate others and excuse bad behavior. I don't know your father and I am not an expert on bipolar, but it sounds like he has certainly done that to some extent. One very important thing about being a family member of someone with bipolar is that we have to take care of ourselves too. I want to encourage you (if you have not done so already) to seek some professional help and support. I know there are organizations that offer help for family members. Maybe check out www.nami.org or www.dbsalliance.org to see what they offer in your area. www.healthyplace.com also has some great info for family - in the bipolar community, click support. Bipolar is a horrible and debilitating illness, but that doesn't mean that you have to put up with abuse from your father. You have the right to set boundries and to have realistic expectations in any relationship! And if other members of your family choose to stay and put up with his manipulation, then that's their choice. I wish you the very best! |
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March 8, 2006, 8:04 am PST
Quote From: mayzeegrl Alot of people are questioning whether they or someone they know has bipolar disorder. I know for me that I had questioned being bipolar to my ex-psychiatrist and she said that I didn't have the "highs". Therefore, I was not accurately diagnosed until some years later. I had been treated for depressions and that's what all the professionals thought I had, but the depression would never get better for long. Sometimes I would be "fine", able to perform well at my job and school, Take an interest in things. Feel like my brain was working. I wouldn't report any of this to my doctors because I felt that I was "normal" or "cured" and I would only report the depression and the crashes. Therefore, no one was getting an accurate picture of my moods. It wasn't until a short while ago that my therapist had me chart my moods. Basically, you write about how you are feeling, what your mood is like day to day. What you have been doing and so on, and then bring it with you to your doctors and therapist. I found from my mood journal that I had alot of ups and downs and it was able for me to see a pattern to my mood swings. You can also write up a chart for feelings---sadness, anxious, angry, happy, etc. and score them with 1 being a little to 5 being alot of how you feel with each emotion. You can also chart if you had felt suicidal or wanted to abuse substances. Anyways, it's worth a shot to bring up to your treatment team or to have a loved one try to track their moods. This way, it gives a pretty accurate description of peoples' moods.......I know that for me being accurately diagnosed finally, I've been able to have a more stable life because I'm on the "right" meds. (mood stabilizers) Good luck......... I just want to "echo" what has been said above and encourage anybody who has had a similar experience with depressive episodes (or love/know someone who has!), charting moods DAILY and sharing that info with a psychiatrist (someone who understands mood disorders if possible) may save you years of misdiagnosis. My husband was recently diagnosed with bipolar II disorder. He has had bouts of severe anxiety & depression for 10-15 years; has been treated with 6 different anti-depressants in 6 years. All of them seemed to give him some relief for 6-9 months, then would "stop" working and a debilitating depressive episode would occur. So, he would start a different anti-depressant and the cycle would begin again. One afternoon in December I finally wrote up a timeline of what had occurred and we took it to a new doctor for a second opinion. She looked over the timeline of treatment & then asked my husband about ever experiencing "hypomania" symptoms (periods of higher energy, thoughts coming faster than normal, etc.) The last piece fell into place. I do believe all his previous doctors had done their best to help him manage the depression and I understand better now how much they have to rely on the patient's symptoms...i just wish one of them would have thought to have him track his moods earlier! |
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March 8, 2006, 10:08 am PST
Quote From: neyney hopefully someone out there is going Thur the same thing our family is i have three grown children and am at my Witt's end with the youngest .he has always been difficult to manage and talk too at an early age he was diagnosed with dyslexia and ADHD and was medicated with adderal .when he turned 17 our nightmare began. he quit school. evaded the police on a four wheeler led them on a two hour chase was apprehended. and didn't have any regrets as to what he had done ,through the legal system he was placed on probation for a year ,he then decided he was not going to take his meds .we suffered a house fire that started in his room and lost all we had .then his father my husband was diagnosed with a incurable untreatable disease called IBM .he began to have episodes of total rage. actually punching holes in the walls .denting steel doors .then the next half hour he was laughing and joking.this is when the coaster from heck started .his Father due to his health condition could not control our son at all during these episodes .i took my son too out family Doctor who said he was depressed and prescribed effoxor .he took it for a couple weeks and was consolable.then decided he didn't want to take it any more. the rage episodes came back quickly .then he lost three of his best friends in a auto accident .and began being depressed his then girlfriend also best friends with the three that were killed .left my son for the sole survivor of the crash and his best friend. my son then began daily rage and depressed episodes . finally over coming the depression with the help of a new girlfriend whose boyfriend has also died in the crash . i thought my son was healing he got a job a vehicle and was turning around, when in march last year another one of his friends were killed in auto accident . his grandfather went in to hospital for surgery then unexpectedly died ,his great grandfather in June whom lived with us was diagnosed with terminal cancer . my son got into more legal trouble we had to hire an attorney this time which was quite expensive for drug charges . in October my son was present when my grandfather took his last breath and in October my son was arrested again and began a self destruct lifestyle . he lost forty seven pounds wouldn't eat or drink tried to harm him self by flipping his truck. we had to call the police and try to seek him some mental health. at the hospital after the police took him there he told the ER doctor he had no reason to live and wanted to be with his friends that died. we were sent to a private mental health facility .and he was prescribed remeron to aid him in his sleep and to eat ..that lasted two weeks ..his current girlfriend then announced she was pregnant.and he seemed happy ..he was arrested again for harassment of the ex girlfriend by telephone ..why he was still in contact with her i don't know ..after another one of his rage episodes his girlfriend said the baby may not be his ..he was on the phone to her when he purposely wrecked his truck and fled the scene trying to wreck truck again .the police were called and came to the house.. we were told to bring son to the troop which seemed odd to me.. but now i know his girlfriend called police and said he was trying to hurt himself the police called crisis team in to speak to my son ..and every time he talks to these mental health people he lies and tells them what they want to hear he agreed that night he would come home with us.. and would go to mental clinic in the morning and was given eight tickets for the accidents even the police officer giving him the tickets didn't think he understood what had happened ..and he had no clue as to what he did with his truck ..after leaving the police station he became raged and jumped out the back window of our truck and said he was running into road to kill himself i called 911 and they caught up with him three miles down the road ..he was taken into custody and crisis team called back out this time ..they assured me he was going to ER and would be admitted we followed them to ER signed him in the police signed and the crisis team ..i left there with my son screaming after me it was the hardest thing any mother would have to go.. Thur but i had to tell myself he would finally get the help he needed .i cried all the way home finally exhausted we got into bed at 1 am ..and tried to sleep and prayed for god to help my son.. when the phone rang at 4 am it was my son saying he had been release.. after explaining to him i could not come get him he placed the new ER doctor on the phone who said he was indeed released ..and he was never taken to mental clinic i asked the Doctor what would happen if i didn't come get him he said he would still be release ..i explained to him that this child tried to wreck his truck jumped out of a moving vehicle unto the highway ..and he was releasing him i told the Doctor i was furious.. and would hold him responsible if anything happened to my son ...i have called clinics mental health therapist and physciatist all have a two week to six month waiting list .he is being seen this Thursday but he will not tell the doctor the truth i needed to vent to someone and if there any one else out there going Thur this too please email any help would be appreciated I am so sorry for all that you, your family, and your son have been through! Because it takes so long to get in for help, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TO GET THE MOST OUT OF YOUR SON'S DOCTOR APPT TOMORROW!! for what its worth, here are a few ideas/suggestions on how to do that (please understand that I am not a health professional; these ideas are based on my own experiences and research regarding ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder, medical treatments & diagnoses, etc.) I wish you the very best!!
Because most (if not all?) mental health illnesses can't be determined using biological tests (blood tests, x-rays, etc...it seems brain scans may shed some light but unless you have one readily available??...) the doctors & therapists MUST rely on the symptoms described to them by the patient and/or family members. In order to have the best chance at an accurate diagnosis then, you need to give the doctor accurate info to work with. So my first suggestion is to do whatever it takes to be in the room when your son meets with the doctor. I don't know your son, of course, but I agree with you that it is very likely he won't tell the doctor everything. One reason for this may be due to the way your son feels about himself - most people suffering from any kind of mental illness are embarrassed, ashamed, & digusted with themselves and therefore minimize or deny their symptoms to others. Many mental illnesses cause the inflicted person's thoughts to become irrational and distorted and so the info your son does give the doctor may not be a rational account of events.
Besides meeting with the doctor, I also suggest you take as much time as you can ALONE (SO YOU CAN REALLY FOCUS) between now and the appt, grab a pencil and lots of paper and "timeline" the significant events, behaviors, and diagnoses/treatment over your son's life. Start with the day he was born and end with today, filling in the FACTS in between (try to keep your own reactions and emotions to these things out of it as much as you can). You will remember more and more as you go along - hence the need for lots of paper :). Once you feel you have a good representation of your son's battle with this, lay it all out chronologically. Make a few copies, one for the doctor, yourself and your son if you think it is a good idea. At the very least, this will give you something to reference as questions arise regarding his illness, minimizing the time spent trying to recall info while with the doctor.
The last thing I would suggest is that you arm yourself with as much knowledge about mental illness as possible. Take notes or ask the doctor to write down his conclusions/treatment plans at the end of the appt and then get on the internet. A couple good sites are www.nami.org, www.dsalliance.org, and www.healthyplace.com. They not only offer info on the illnesses & their symptoms, but also offer support and information specific to family members!!
Anyways - hope some of this helps! Good luck tomorrow....my thoughts and prayers are with you! |
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March 8, 2006, 1:00 pm PST
Quote From: girlington Living with this disease is a constant challenge. It affects your relationships both at home and work. I am struggling with my job of 8 months. I was put on my last written notice at work for poor job performance. I am down to a week to shape up or ship out. I have had cognitive problems that came up when I changed my night meds to day so I would not skip so many doses. I did not realize how much this was affecting my ability to think. I find that living in this body, you don't always notice subtle changes until you are in trouble. My friends and familly are supportive of me but your supervisors are not. I have explained what has happened and that I feel better now, but I have not received any feedback about my performance. I have sort of resigned myself to the idea that I will be looking for a new job. But I am doing the best I can so..... I have been treated for depression since 96 and was diagnosed as a bipolar 2 when I was hospitalized back in 2004. I put myself in for suicida ideation. I had given up hope and was tired of trying and not gettting anywhere, and struggling with the mood changes. What I learned there has been very valuble. I basically have learned that you have to make the best out of your situation, look at the bright side, TRY to stay happy. Between that and some medication changes, I am much better-until this whole thing at work.
It is also a bad case of dejavu. I had a problem at a previous job that drove me off onto disability. That was how the whole medication thing started and I started seeing a psychiatrist, who has seen me through the last 10 years. But I digress...the job thing was again because of performance. But I was also much more out of control with crying jags that I could not control and severe depression. That was what was causing my work problems.
Everyone has different symptoms which I think makes it so hard to diagnose.
But whatever happens to me, I'll get by because I chose to. I could just as easily chose to give up, but there is no future in it!
Above all else, keep your sense of humor! Keep well. i'll apologize in advance if you have already done this or would rather not pursue because i am sure it will take forever to get any answers, but i read on a bipolar support site (if i dig it up again i'll post info) that there may be some protection for employees with bipolar disorder under the disablity act. It may be a dead end but possibly worth a shot???!!? i really feel for you...my husband has bipolar II and he is 10 months into a new job which he really enjoys. He is constantly worried about his job performance & security though...especially when he has to take a day or two off for symptoms. i wish you the best of luck! |
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March 8, 2006, 2:20 pm PST
Quote From: mensan Yes, there is protection under the Americans with Disability Act. But, employers can get around it easily. In my case, for example, there were three people in my unit. I had never been a good natural proofreader. The other two people did the proofreading and I did more writing. We were happy with that; but, when they decided to fire me, they fired me for not proofreading well, which was a requirement of the job. I suppose I could have sued, but I am a paralegal, and I know they would have brought up all kinds of stuff, it would have taken years, and it would have kept me tied in knots. Also, I was fired in an "at will" state. They fired me for being bipolar, but proving that against their claims would have been difficult. I had worked there for seven years when I was let go. It really hurt me. I am really sorry you had to go through that...especially after 7 years. I totally understand why you didn't pursue it! Self-preservation comes first - especially when you are up against people who are willing to lie. I hope you are doing ok... |
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March 8, 2006, 3:02 pm PST
Quote From: serenity06 I am a single mother of 3 kids... ages 6, 10, and 17. My 10 year old son is finally in the process of being treated for a "mood disorder", but we are still in the trial and error process of properly diagnosing "what" exactly he has. The more I study bipolar, the more I believe this is what my son has. He has tried prozac, wellbutrin, zyprexa, and the latest was Depakote. His psychiatrist and counselor have taken him off the Depakote just recently, as this aggravated his symptoms of out of control anger episodes and extreme irritability. I am working with the psychiatrist and his counselor, but am also trying to learn and research as much as I can on my own. This " disorder " truly is tearing my family apart. I am extremely worried and scared for my son, as nothing has seem to help as of yet. I would be eternally gratefull for any suggestions of the best web sites to go to to further research this disease and it's related disorders. Thank you so much for anything anyone may have to offer!!! hey there - here are some good places to start reading about bipolar disorder:
www.dbsalliance.org - depression and bipolar support alliance www.nami.org - national alliance for the mentally ill www.psycheducation.org - a Dr.'s site (Oregon) www.healthyplace.org - collection of information on several mental illnesses - the bipolar community has a support link with several articles for family members
i think it is a great idea to learn as much as you can about bipolar and other mental illnesses. As the "observer", you may identify symptoms and the triggers before your son does. it may take quite awhile of trying different med combinations before finding the one that helps him the most. But at least you will have some info and support as to what to do in the meantime (My husband was diagnosed in December with bipolar II disorder and we are in the "med" search as well). hope you find some of this helpful! :) |
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March 10, 2006, 9:22 am PST
Quote From: serenity06 Thanks so much for the suggestions and I will be sure to look them up. I can use any and all help right now !!! I wish you luck and support in your journey as well !!!! Thanks for your sweet thoughts for me & my husband! You hang in there and make sure you TAKE CARE OF YOU...even when it is the last thing you feel like doing!! You're a great parent and your children are very lucky to have someone working so hard to make life easier/better. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. :) |
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March 10, 2006, 10:12 am PST
Quote From: loriwh My husband was diagnosed with BPD while he was in the USAF ( over 13 yrs ago). We will celebrate our 10th year anniversary this October. My husband played the part of a guinaeu pig at the VA med center for many years until we decided he was done with the meds and shrink appointments. Nothing helped him or me for that matter. They gave him different meds every other month. Everytime he would get to the point where he felt he could trust a shrink, they left the VA so he was forced to start all over with someone new at least 15 times. I finally got tired of it. Its the worst feeling in the world to know that your husband is suffering and there is nothing you can do. I am one of the lucky ones. We never had physical altercations. We love one another and stick by each other through everything. I moved our family of 4 to NC about 4 yrs ago in hopes of a fresh start for my husband, med free. I wanted to put him in an atmosphere that was as close to stress free as humanly possible. Minus the stress of raising our kids, he has managed to really be comfortable and less stressed out. But it puts an incredible amount of stress on my shoulders, doing everything. But its ok, because he is worth it. I just wanted people to know that not all people who are diagnosed with bipolar are deviant, hyper, pschotic and unbearably abusive. Some are very close to whatever normal is measured by publicly. Hi there - Just wanted to say thanks for sharing your family's story & I wish you all the very best! My husband (recently diagnosed with bipolar II) and I consider ourselves "lucky" because we have grown together rather than apart fighting this illness, and I know that is not always the case. My heart goes out to all who suffer from bipolar disorder - those with the disease and those who love & support them. keep fighting! |
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