Messages By: annalon

 I don't know you personally but I am concerned. Please, please, get out now. I cannot imagine Dr. Phil giving you any other advice. Domestic violence ALWAYS ESCALATES and it WILL get worse.  No matter what he says, this is NOT love. This is about power and control. Even if he swears he will change, he won't because he CAN'T. He needs professional help and even then it will be years and years before he might be able to change. Don't become another statistic! Listen to all the other women besides me who have written. If you don't do it for yourself, do it for your daughter. 

 I am very upset with the previous message to this person's cry for help. It doesn't matter how much you've saved or how well you've planned, when a major illness strikes, you and your family can be financially destroyed. (Instead of blaming people who have gotten sick, we need to blame the real culprits - our fat cat government. All those congresspeople and senators have just about the greatest health care benefits and pension plans on the planet. The rest of us, even us hard workers, find our company health plans being cut, pensions diminished, etc., etc.) People who have never faced a devastating illness have NO idea of the financial AND emotional costs a family can face. My husband and I have been through this. We are no longer young and have come to the sad realization that we are never going to be able to retire. Never. I survived a serious illness, our daughter has a serious illness for which there is no cure (neither she nor we can afford her prescriptions), and my husband was downsized from his job and it took him two years to find another - at one-third the pay. All our savings, investments, everything, are gone. We live from our paychecks to our next paychecks. Our son is putting himself through college - three part-time jobs, scholarships and loans and grants. (Sometimes he can't afford to eat for a day. Don't say anything against the younger generation!)

Yes, there is help for homeless people but in no way is there enough help. At one point we were afraid we would be on the street. We found out we could not stay in a shelter together. My daughter and I, if there was room, could be in one place, my husband - if there was space - could be in another and our son, at 18, would have no where to go. He'd be out there, alone, on the street, all night. Do you think I could've slept? We decided the woods would be safer and we could be together. Thankfully, we squeaked through and it didn't happen. I never dreamed that at 60 years old, after a life of saving and planning, we'd be facing such an option! I am afraid. If I had the money, I'd help this family. I'm sure Jodee didn't ask to get sick. My daughter didn't ask for her condition. I didn't ask to get sick.

Enza seems so focused on being RIGHT and criticizing Alex's mother, I don't think she's even thinking about the girl at all. And what is with the grandmother? Why is she living with her daughter?  I'm trying to figure out what they DO all day in that house. Nobody seems to DO anything but sit around, eat and argue. Can't they even take a walk or listen to music or read a newspaper?

I feel sorriest for Alex. No wonder she has low self-esteem and lacks direction and discipline. I hope she gets help. Today Dr. Phil said he was sending her to a wonderful place - I hope her mom and siblings can visit her so she doesn't feel like she's in prison. But I think the remaining three women need serious, long term help themselves. The mother needs a functioning brain and a backbone. The aunt needs to shut up. I haven't seen the grandmother hug her granddaughter once or even say anything to her at all! Grandma needs to either help her daughter and granddaughter,  really help, or go live her own life.

Sable, I feel for you. We have similar problems. Our daughter is 21 now and refuses to take her medications.  We've been to hell and back with her for the past 7 years,  therapy, meds, hospitalization in a locked unit, special programs. We are no longer young but have realized we can never retire as all our money went for her care, etc. Insurance does not fuly cover mental illnesses. And now that she is an adult she is on her own legally and cannot be covered on her father's health insurance. She, of course, cannot afford health insurance and her jobs never offer anything. She is not incompetent. Just unwell. I understand your pain that Dr. Phil is helping others and not you. Maybe someday he'll do a show on parents of adult children with mental illness. It is painful but we must accept that their lives are out of our control and we can only be there to pick up the pieces if necessary. Don't give up on your son. It's hard, but hang in there for his sake.

Dr. Phil was right on when he told her to respect her marriage commitment and tell Chad to leave her alone so she can try to repair her relationship with her husband. He asked her if she could do that and she said she didn't know! Right there was the answer. Her husband should run, not walk, away from her. It'll hurt but a clean fast break is the best. The fact that her ex said she told him she was pressured/forced to marry and she never denied she said it leads me to assume she did. Who would say that to their ex unless they want him hanging around? It makes me think she does not deserve her present husband. How old is this woman? She has the brains of a 14 year old. The ex, too, once he found out she was married should've said OK, I'm outta here and been a gentleman about it. Shows how immataure he is too.  I normally don't get upset about these shows but this woman got me very angry and annoyed. Didn't she take VOWS? When she said her ex is her best friend I wanted to throw up. Grow up already.