Messages By: jai149

I can sympathize with you and for you. I am 27 and my husband and I have 3 beautiful girls. After our last daughter was born (she is now 4 years old) I felt pressured to have a tubal. My mother expected it, my husband's mother expected as did many others. Seeing as how I have always tried to please everyone else I convinced myself that it was what I wanted too. In fact, she was not even 2 hours old when I was in surgery having my tubal.  

For the past 2 years I have deeply regretted this decision. It has gotten to the point that I cry when I see a pregnant woman or a new baby. The last 6 months have been the worst. Point in case, I took my 4 year old to the library for craft time and had to leave because I started bawling when a pregnant lady walked in followed by a lady with a new baby. I was so embarrassed and wanted to come home and crawl in bed.  I have dreams at night of having another child.  

I am a stay at home mom and love every minute of it. My husband is so against having another child. He is content with our 3 girls. We have analyzed it trying to find any underlying issues and it all boils down to not feeling complete. I have tried to find web sites that offer "support groups" and there are not any. I have tried find books about this issue and again there are not any. I even had the public library searching for me. Are there really that few of women who wants to go back in time and un-do a tubal??? 

You say "take that risk" like I'm running back and forth across four lane traffic dodging large trucks with my eyes closed and my baby strapped to my back.Shrug. 

Feeding your baby a little apples or carrots before they're four months old isn't a "risk". 

Get over it. 

my father-in-law lives with us. he drives me nuts. i have to stay in another part of the house to get away from him. My husband watches tv with him. I can't be in the same room with him, for we get into an arguement. and now meal times are getting that way. i left the table tonight in tears.  i try not to let him steal my joy, but he sure has a way of doing it.  

I feel so much resentment towards him.  He's diabetic and very picky about his food. he wants loads of meat and starches. and criticizes the vegetables i fix. I try to tell him what the doctor says and he says "that's you talking". So I just have quit trying to take care of him. other than washing his clothes, and fixing meals. I just stay away from him.  

If I were like I was 10 or 15 years ago, I'd left them both. But, I love my husband, and love my home.  

Thanks for the message board, gives me a vent time.  

My MIL is totally manipulative and tells everyone i don't want anything to do with her side of the family.  She has pulled so much crap with my kids, myself and my husband that i am at ropes end.  She is constantly pulling head games and pressures my children.  She does not follow through with my requests even when it has come to my childs safety...for example...i let my kids go on a boat trip with them (reluctantly but husband convinced me to) i repeated numerous times to her that my 8 yr old daughter is to always wear a life jacket in the water or she is not to go in..one hour after i left i find out she was in the lake which is deep and my daughter is NOT a good swimmer WITHOUT a life jacket.  This is the kind of stunts she pulls!  

MY H will never stand up to her....and now its to the point that he tells me that its obvious i don't want to have anything to do with his family (which is exactly what his mother says to everyone else) I told him the only one i have a problem with is his mother, which he still doesn't believe.  Im at my ropes end.    

Latest fiasco...Husbands sister is going to cuba to get married, MIL phoned 6 months ago when it was in planning, called my children when i was home, did not talk to me and said to them  "you should be coming and if you can't come at least your dad should be making the effort" This would cost us over $10,000 for all of us which we can not do.  Now the wedding is 1.5 weeks away, I get a call from MIL giving me the price of hotel room for Husband to stay there...she has guilted my H into going...we are now going into DEBT for him to go...which i think is not financially responsible.  I don't believe anybody should be going into debt and risking thier financial situation to go on a trip.  I told him you should not feel obligated to go...he says i am obligated, there are other people going that are not family...i told him that they can afford it we can't!   

I mean...who in thier right mind would EXPECT a person to dish out over $2500 our of thier own pocket to go to a wedding.  and make it an expectation!!!!!  Especailly a family of four who are already in debt, living paycheck to paycheck!  Im so upset right now...at christmas she was rubbing it into our kids faces that "oh im going on a trip, im so lucky" literrally bragging about it....then saying oh you guys should be coming.  Ive just had it!   

My daughter will never come home pregnant at 15. She is and will be raised properly. She has her debutant ball to loook forward to at 16 and there is a Catillion at her school in grades 9,10 & 11. That is when they are introduced to boys. 

If however, she does make the mistake of getting pregnant I would show her no mercy. Don't come to me crying fowl because you (being my daughter) made a mistake. So yes I would tell her it was her choice to sleep with the boy and so she will have to live with the consequesnces...I have a saying when she mis-behaves...l ask her if she can say "welcome to wal-mart" because if you mess up that will be the only job you will be prepared for....