Messages By: ellyrainey

For one thing the lady who wants to be able to party all the time needs to realize that she is a mother and a wife.  She went into the marriage willingly and with that kind of committment it means giving up some of the things she used to do.  However, the husband also needs to realize that the wife is missing something from her home life that she feels she can only get by going out and partying.  They should both seek counseling.   

  

As for the lady who complains that she can't do housework because of her arthritis and big boobs I say that if those weren't her problems she would have another excuse for not doing the housework.  Sorry to say it but I have severe arthritis in my back, neck shoulders, hips and knees.  Standing for long periods of time and doing some of the most trivial of tasks takes me a while but I get it done.  My boobs are as big as hers and yes they do tend to get in the way.  She mentioned that she couldn't fold laundry well try this you know that bed that you sit on when your home?  It makes a great area for folding laundry.  As for the rest of the housework there is no law in the land that says when you start doing dishes you need to finish them in one stance.  I have to do the dishes in shifts.  I can only do a little at a time.  When I dust and vacuum I can only do a little at a time.  Sure it takes longer for the house to get done but it gets done and I do it.  I work for an after school program M-F and for the most part it just wears me down with the pain at the end of the day but I get through.  She is lucky.  My husband is a long haul truck driver so most of the stuff is left to me.  He helps when he is home but that isn't a lot.  She has a husband that is there for her and willing to help her.  Sometimes you just have to force yourself to work through the pain or it gets worse take it from who knows. 

You know my five year old niece heard about this mommy and started crying. When I asked her what was wrong she told me that she was sad. When I asked her why she was sad she replied because that little girls mommy and daddy don't love her. When I asked her why she thought they don't love her she told me because her daddy is mean to her mommy and her mommy only wants to drink and not be a mommy. Now to give you a little history. My five year old niece's father passed away last year from alcoholism. He was abusive and went to rehab several times. In her mind he didn't love her enough to stop drinking and being mean. So when she sees something like this she makes the decision that if that person really loved his/her family then they wouldn't want to drink.

If you know that there is abuse going on you are legally obligated to report it. This day in age there is hope for kids that go to foster care. I know from first hand experience that it's the hardest thing in the world to report abuse to a child that is close to you. Let me tell you this, my nephew from my husbands side and his wife moved to our area with their infant son. My husband and I let them live with us for a while but when the adults wouldn't take care of themselves or thier baby and when they wouldn't pick up after myself or try to support themselves my husband and I had no choice but to kick them out. The downside was that we couldn't keep the baby with us without the parents permission. Now fast forward just one mere month from us kicking them out ... I got a phone call saying there were cops and an ambulance at the motel room this family was staying at. My first thought was something happened to the baby. I got to the room and found that my nephew was being arrested for abuse, his wife was going to the hospital severely injured and we needed to take care of the baby. My husband and I got the baby and went to the hospital to see how his mom was doing and how long we would need to care for the baby. While we were sitting in the waiting room I noticed bruises on the babies face, neck and shoulders. Immediately I notified the police officers that were there and they replied that they knew about it because the mom told them and it would be in thier reports. It got late and we went to the motel room to get the baby some clean clothes and food and there was none to be found so we had to go buy some. Later that night mom was released and wanted her baby back with her. I asked her about the bruises on his face, etc and she stripped the baby to show me bruises on his stomach and back. I was sick mind you that the baby was only five months old. I called social services knowing that bad things happen in the system and I really didn't want the baby to be lost but I wanted him to be safe as well. Fast forward almost 7 months..... the babies mom is involuntarily committed for a number of issues to a psychiatric center and the dad is doing time. My husband and I are only a few days to a week shy of getting guardianship of the baby. It's not the easiest thing in the world to do but you have to do it. One thing though, your grandkids may not have to go to a foster parent even if they are removed from the home if a family member can step up and care for them. It's hard but for the sake of those kids you need to do it.

I have been a CASA volunteer for a year and half now.  I know that there are some volunteers out there that take the meaning to return the kids to their parents no matter what.  However, in response to that I also have to say that I have had to fight tooth and nail to get a social worker who is snowed under by tons of files to see that a particular child needs certain services that are not being provided.  In my state it is mandated that reunification be worked at for at least fifteen months if not longer.  I currently work six cases that have a total of 16 children between all six cases.  I have worked with the social workers and we have been able to successfully close two other cases that I worked on as well.  The social workers and I don't always see eye to eye but it is very rewarding when you work very hard at getting the services in place for these families.  I have felt very rewarded with my work.  The CASA program has also touched my life in a different way.  Over a year ago my nephew and his wife abused thier (then) five month old baby boy.  (He had bruises and a broken rib)  With the help of his CASA volunteer my husband and I were able to step up to the plate and take full custody of the baby who is now a very active, healthy and happy 19 month old. 

Of course if you look hard enough you can find fault with every program.  But CASA is a way to make sure that there are checks and balances in the welfare system for these kids who don't always have a voice.

I was appalled at the video with Davia and her mom.  But I think we all tend to forget that this is Davia's step-mom, not that it gives her an excuse.  But I also think that both this child and mother have gotten themselves into a rut and they can't get out of it.  I think that the look on Tammy's face when she was listening to herself was telling.  I don't think that she realizes what is going on.  I also think that before this over there will be a lot of changes made with that family.  We have to be upset because of how she behaved but at the same time we have to be thankful she let it show so easily.  What scares me is not Davia and her mom but the other parents that have not had thier outbursts yet.  You can't fix what you can't see.