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Messages By: kobesnana

kobesnana

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March 21, 2006, 12:42 pm PST

Friend vs. Discipline

Quote From: goinggray

My ex-husband will not discipline our oldest daughter, who is 12.  He lets her get away with whatever she wants and when I discpline her, he tries to get me to cave in!!!   He is being too much of a friend and not a parent.  He even goes so far to tell her to try to talk me into letting her do what she wants........what can I do?????
I would like to say to you and all others who think that they are trying to be their kids' friend. What kind of a friend, teacher, employer, etc. wants to put up with bad behavior? It amazes me how so many parents don't seem to have a clue as to why they are raising delinquents. As the old saying goes - kids need boundaries. All kids do. Being their best friend would mean setting limits and having all in the household do the same. They will respect you forever and live much more productive and happier lives.
 
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kobesnana

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March 21, 2006, 12:56 pm PST

Just venting...

Quote From: goinggray

I am trying to set boundaries and have certain rules.  I know that letting her run foot loose and fancy free isn't doing her any favors.  I keep telling my ex that even though we are no longer married that we need to co-parent our children.  He cannot see that he's not hurting anyone but his children when he lets them do whatever.  He wants to be the 'good guy' and not the disciplinarian.  He doesn't want his kids mad at him.  I've talked till I'm blue in the face and all he manages to do is get angry with me!  

My response to your issue was a mistake. I did not mean to refer to you at all. I was really venting about your ex and probably didn't speak my mind to the correct issue. It must be so frustrating to have rules and boundaries only to be overidden by an ex-partner who is a current parent. If he is willing to discuss it with you I would try to meet with him and discuss just how important it is to co-raise your daughter. If one or both of you were raised with boundaries you can use that as an example to follow if the opposite is true you can probably point out the downfalls of that. I sure hope you can convince him of how important it is to raise well-intentioned adults.
 
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kobesnana

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May 8, 2006, 10:36 pm PDT

Awesome kids...

Quote From: nc_teacher

WOW, those kids were awesome!!!  HOW could they be so articulate, intelligent, considerate of others and at the same time, be so sweet and innocent under the circumstances they were brought up in???
They are awesome because they are too scared to be anything else. When you are constantly abused you are constantly fearful. Notice how they both wanted to talk and talk to someone they thought would help them?
 
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kobesnana

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May 8, 2006, 10:42 pm PDT

Promises

Quote From: glynne64

That the proper authorities have been contacted.  That makes me feel a little better, but not a whole lot.  I have to agree with some of the other posts.  Where were the neighbors?  Surely they heard all the screaming & yelling.  Where were the teachers?  I'm sure that the kids are having struggles in school.  

Lastly, Jim, the husband/step-father...he knew a hellova lot more then he was letting on.  He's an abusive parent as well.  Just cause your parents did it to you & you "turned out okay", do not make it right!  I could feel the terror when Brandon & Shayna had to tell the truth.  You know darned good & well that they didn't tell all either.  And you can't blame them!  I wouldn't if I thought that I'd be hit with a stick or kicked with steel-toed boots!  "Oh, but I've only done it a few times..."  Yeah, right!  I have a bridge I want to sell ya!  I ain't buying that load of BS for a plug nickle!!  

   

I honestly & truely hope that Dr. Phil does an up-date on these kids soon.  I'm personally worried about them.  I really don't want to hear about them ending up in the hospital or worse.  I hope that neighbors, school personnel, the authorities & the Dr. Phil Show keep a very, very close eye on those kids.  Yes, I said the Dr. Phil Show...you brought this out into the light, you put it on national tv, you made promises to these kids & you audience is going to make darned sure you keep it.  

   

SAVE THE KIDS!!!    SAVE THE KIDS!!!   SAVE THE KIDS!!!   SAVE THE KIDS!!!   

I too am worried about the promises that Dr. Phil made. Who's to say they won't pay the price for telling all on their Mom and Dad? Who's to say they won't get a new stick or even a belt (that was my Dad's weapon of choice). I sure hope they stay safe.
 
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kobesnana

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May 8, 2006, 10:57 pm PDT

Vigilence

I think this is a huge wake up call not only to parents who abuse but to anyone who witnesses it or knows about it. It is our duty to do what we can to help poor innocent kids and abused spouses. If we don't speak up who will? Unfortunatey it will just continue. We are all strong voices that should be heard and should take action. Many of us posting have been abused and would have given anything to be rescued. We need to take over where no one would for us.
 
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kobesnana

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anxious
May 11, 2007, 10:28 pm PDT

Loony Tunes

Jeffrey seems to have gotten so used to his growing anxiety that he doesn't realize his own boundaries any more. There is definitely a father-daughter type relationship going on here. I personally read between the lines about the photo sharing and the other man in the bedroom thing that he talked her into having another join them and have been exploring. That can be a real marriage breaker. There is no trust after that. I think she is just extremely dependent and confused at this point. She definitely needs saving and so do the kids. If she did nothing but got away from him to save the kids the torture it would be worth it. They don't have a voice.
 
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kobesnana

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confused
May 11, 2007, 10:32 pm PDT

Wow

Quote From: notstupid1

Come on Dr. Phil, I have never seen anyone pull the wool over your eyes like this woman has. You noticed I did not put her in the class with a lady. Do you not wonder just a little what part she plays in this mess? Don't get me wrong this guy is nuts no doubt, but why did the pictures surface when she was at her mothers, on the internet. She did this to push him over the edge and land his backside in jail and it worked. You have not ask her one question about her part in all of this. Do you really think she is so innocent? I and a lot of other people don't think she is!!! So wipe the "fuzzies" out of your eyes and get to the bottom of this, expose her for what she is doing. He deserves everything he is getting, but please be fair, I think you could look at both sides here, not just one.

                                                      Concerned

You must not know what goes on in an abusive psychotic relationship. I doubt she has had a thought of her own for years and years. How anyone can say that she could do anything to deserve to be treated like that is beyond me. I am "concerned" for you.
 
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kobesnana

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September 27, 2007, 7:06 pm PDT

James

It appeared to me that James was a very pained person. He looked insecure and unable to form any emotional or intelligent responses to Dr. Phil or his wife. I wanted Dr. Phil to ask him HOW MUCH FUN HE THOUGHT HE WAS TO LIVE WITH??? If ever there was a person to ask James is it! I am more concerned with the children more than anything. I cannot figure out what his wife saw in him in the first place but then to subject any child to this tyrant of a man is inexcusable. THAT is horrific. What is he hoping to accomplish? These children need nurturing Mr. Mao Tse Tung!!
 
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kobesnana

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September 27, 2007, 7:10 pm PDT

Nose Jobs or Any Jobs for that matter!

I disagree with anyone who says they are changing their face to change their race - even if it is more western. When in the west do as the westerns do - if you want. Basically if you are against changing anything surgically you are adjusting your race? Nonsense! If you don't like something and you want to change it more power to you. Especially if you have been teased a lot and want a more pleasing (to you) appearance.
 
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kobesnana

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September 27, 2007, 7:17 pm PDT

Justice . . .

Unfortunately justice happens when a judge rules. People are getting away with murder and people are getting life for rape. I say all punishment needs to increase according to the crime. I am more upset with people constantly rotating in and out of jail. We need protection from criminals. When you hear about someone having been arrested 10 times - I always ask - why didn't they just keep them? I don't want to hear about overcrowding either. If your jails or prisons are too full just send them to Sheriff Joe in Phoenix. He'll leave the light on for ya!
 
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