Messages By: marcoblue

This is my first time writing and need other people's help.  I know in my heart of hearts that I need to quit smoking.  And I'm scared to death.  I've already given up almost everything else that is really bad for me, so I am really scared to give up this last one.  I have been "practicing" for the last few weeks of going without, but always have the comfort of knowing it is still there.  I can't believe all the people who have written on these boards about doing it.  I don't know how they have actually been doing it.  I know I'm not ready mentally, I'm about at 50%, which is further than I've been in the last couple of years.  I just don't know how to let go of it.  My husband was laid off about a month ago and there might not be a choice for either of us.  (He wants to quit too)  We may not be able to afford it anymore.  Any one with any words of support or anything.  I would love to hear from you.  Thank you.    I just don't know what to do anymore. 

I am extremely proud of myself.  Something I never am.  I am always one to beat the crap out of myself, so this has really made me feel really good about myself.  I have cut back to one pack or less a day.  I haven't smoked in the house in two weeks with really is cool.  And I'm working my way up to quitting.  I am in all or nothing person and for me have discipline and practice when cravings come up is preparing me for when I actually do it.   

 

I have been almost if not sometimes a 2 pack a day smoker.  That is a hell of an accomplishement and it is working for me.  I also have the habit of chain smoking during certain situation and that's been an accomplishment.  I will sit and smoke for any reason, at any time, I always had an excuse.   

 

I never thought that I could ever quit, I mean ever, I didn't know how to live without cigarettes, how I could ever function.  And now I am gaining more confidence that I can actually quit.  I feel like I will be successful in doing so.   

 

I don't know if this will work for anyone else, everything has been at the right place at the right time in my life, but this is so cool and it is working for me.   

 

And I have been successful at cutting back this time, when I might make it a day or so.  Just having to go outside to smoke and most of the time not smoking in the car, has been such an accomplishment for me.  I am serious and committed about this.  It has made such a difference. 

 

This is just so cool and it is working for me at this time....I feel like I'm going to make it!! 

I had a stepchild that lived with us for 3 years, from ages 12-16.  He lived here against his, his mother's choice and with a father he had hardly known, except for all of the outrageous lies his mother and her family had told him about his father. 

 

We had all the hope in the world that we could help him and thought he was there because he wanted to be.  How wrong we were.  It turned out to be a nightmare.  Watching those tapes on the show was just like how it used to be.  I don't know how I ever made it through.  Living in fear everyday, afraid of what may happen next, and never knowing what they may be. 

 

Counseling wasn't doing anything and our only other option was an In-care patient facility.  We were at a total loss as to what to do.  This kid hated every minute he was here and everything was our fault.  He had always run his own life with his mom and was able to do anything he wanted, with anyone, where ever.  Then he came here with rules, discpline, chores, and he was not in control. 

 

He tried every which way for that control.  And it was easier to give in eventually, because of all of the heartache and stress that came with every fight.  And we had to worry about our safety. 

 

A year ago he made the choice to go back to his mom's for good.  I think we were all relieved.  It wasn't going to last much longer the way it was, someone was going to get hurt. 

 

I know it wasn't the right decision for him, but it was the right one for us.  Living this way was like living with my family and all the abuse.  My mental state couldn't take much more.  If the courts say he is old enough to choose where he wants to live, then he's old enough to make the decision and live with it. 

 

Of course what teenager wouldn't want to live where he can do anything he wants and get away with it.  Thank God those days are over.