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Messages By: alleyg

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March 31, 2006, 8:24 am CST

Lost after college

I guess I should just start at the begining. I had my first son the week I turned 17. I finished high school and went to college. I have always gotten very good grades. I graduated college with a BS inbiology and chemistry. 

  

I had started off as a pre-med, but realized that I don't want to go to medical school. In the meantime, I have student loans to pay off and children to support. SO, I have had a series of secretarial and factory type jobs. I always go to work with a positive attitude and I try to never even let people I wok with know how educated I am. But it always comes out. And then people act like Everything I say is an insult and I end up being fired. 

  

Entry-level positions for a biologist are few and far between. I am working on teacher certification and subing a few days a month, but that won't pay all my bills.  

  

I guess I just want to hear thought on why people are so threatened by me?  I may have a degree, but then when I ask how a particular peice of equipment works, or how to do something, they get snotty.  

  

my way of dealing with bed co-workers is to basically kill them with kindness and to not be a complainer, but then I get told that "People" have complained about me and called me rude. 

  

How is a person supposed to modify their behavoir if they are not told it is bad until they are beign shown the door? How am Isupposed to support my children if theis keeps happening? 

 
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April 5, 2006, 6:47 am CDT

no such thing as perfect

I dated a guy like that once. He was into weight lifting and was always telling me that I was too fat and not pretty enough. I look back and realize that he was putting his own insecurities off on me. I am glad I got out of th erelationship, now I have a wonderful fiance who actually likes my curves.
 
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April 8, 2006, 9:23 am CDT

Zombies but with rules

When I get up at night, which happens pretty often between the kids and my bladder, part of me is absolutly convinced that there are Zombies hiding in all the dark corners.  

  

Now, I could turn on the lights, but then the zombies would know that I know that they are there. These zombies only attack if you notice them. 

  

 So, I have to go about my 'business' in the dark, absolutly convinced that a zombie is there, just out of sight. 

  

I know this is absolutly delusional, but I also absolutly believe it.  

  

Weird, huh? 

 
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April 11, 2006, 8:34 am CDT

I laugh TOO

Quote From: trevindale

Okay, I can laugh at this because I think the 'zombie' thing is silly, but deep down I have the same irrational fear. For me, it's the vague 'thing' that wants to hurt me. I blame it on reading too much Stephen King at a young age, but it's really not his fault. I have this crazy 'If you think about it too much it'll get you' mentality, and it truely freaks me out sometimes. For example, when I'm blow-drying my hair, I'm constantly (a) looking in the mirror (for the ghosts behind me that I can ONLY see in the mirror), (b) checking the bathroom door for the evil comiong to get me, (c) eyeballing the sink drain for the 'finger from hell' and god forbid I've left the toilet seat up. Let's not even talk about what's behind the shower door... thank goodness for the semi-see-thru plastic! When my heart begins to race, I tell myself that if I freak out, they will come. The bad things only get you if you let them, after all. I know this is completely irrational, yet it still gets my adrenaline flowing. And the strangest thing? My guy goes out of town EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND and *gasp* I have absolutely NO PROBLEM going to sleep in my dark (and spooky) bedroom when he's gone! I can totally sympathize with your 'rationale' that if you turn on the lights the zombies will be visible and therefore able to attack. And all I've got to say is... what's WRONG with us? :)  

-Sympathetic and there with ya! 

It used to be this amouphous thing, disimbodied, slimey clawed hands form under the bed.  

  

But then my now ex-boyfriend dragged me to see the new DAWN OF THE DEAD, it was so disturbing that ever since then, it has been zombies that freak me out. I;ve even tried to desesitize my self by watching zombie movies, it doesn't work. 

  

I do sleep better with my guy there, but id I get up at night, they follow me. 

  

Also, if I move or spend the night at a different place, it takes them a few days to find me.  

  

  

  

 
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April 11, 2006, 8:40 am CDT

Go For It

Quote From: mariam42

i had a dream to be a writer since my childhood, i wrote a short story but my friend said that is not so good, it was my only dream that i have in my life, but after my friend's opinion i do not write anymore. i'm afraid that someday i will die without realizing that dream, i'm afraid that i will never be successful as my two brothers and sisters, i'm afraid of being a burden to my family

Don't let one person's opinion stop you, it was your first try. I took some writing classes in college, one of my proffesors had a saying "revise, revise, revise" 

  

Ask your friend what wasn't so good. Maybe the genra just wasn't her thing. Maybe you just need some polish or some more detail, maybe you need less detail.  

  

IF all else fails, try again. Take a writting clinic at the local comunity college.  

  

As to being a burden, writters have to have something to write about. Get a job that isn't too demanding and then use the oppotunity to watch people, listen to the way they talk, and then apply that to the dialog in your novel.   

  

Try short storied and then submitt them. 

  

Good luck, and don't let one poor opinion get you so down. 

 
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April 13, 2006, 10:25 am CDT

Two Arguments here

I think the issue isn't purly one of age difference, although I look at Chuck and think "EWE". The first issue is that she is so young. If the couple were both ten years older, Most people wouldn't bat an eye, trophey wives have been around for ages. 

  

The other issue is that he says he wants what is best for her, and to encourage her to sucseed, but he lets her remain out of school, he doesn't make her get up and go to GED classes, he doesn't even make her get a job. (Okay, the idea of one lover making another do anyhting is weird, but this is a weird case.) 

  

Sp, basically she is reduced to the level of a house-pet. SHe eats, she sleeps, when her owner feels like it, he comes around and strokes her a little. 

  

She might like it now, but in the long run her self image and self confidence will be damaged. Self worth is attained by doing things for yourself, weather that be dishes or school or a job at burger king. 

  

I have to say that I am terribly dissappointed with her parents. They are still her guardians. If my daughter was that out of control, I would move her to a state with a higher age of consent. I would find a residential counsiling program. If nothing else, my husband and I would take turns escorting her everywhere, I'd sit with her in class. I'd watch her at work. 

  

I WOULD NOT SIT ON MY PTTY POT AND SAY "OH, WHAT EVER SHALL I DO, MY CHILD WONT COOPERATE AND MY MARRIAGE IS FAILING, OH PLEASE KIND STRANGER, RAISE MY BABY" AND THEN BE SURPRISED WHEN THE "KIND STRANGER" TAKES ADVATANGE OF THE GIRL. 

 
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April 20, 2006, 12:36 pm CDT

Absolutly

Quote From: manofgoods

I think that Hilary's the one who's being controlling. I mean, children are children, and no child, I mean no child, deserves to be treated like that.

I agree, this step-mother is the driving engine in this problem. And what about the school and the fact that they don't include her. I would have an attitude problem if I was treated like that. I'm not saying that the girl was an angel, but I don't think she has some personality disorder.  

   

   

And I have a word or two for all of you discussing the  NPD, I grew up with mentally ill parents and  can tell you that they still know when they are hurting people. My mother would freak out for no reason, that isn't narcissistic to be pittied and understood, it was just her being mean and deciding that today she needed to start a fight with someone. There no recovery from that, there is no therapy that will ever make her driving my brothers away before they were ready to take of themselves, there is nothing that will change the fact that every holiday until she died was hell, there in nothing that can change the fact that she decided she want grandchildren ans took my BC and threw me at my BF to get them.  

   

One of my brothers can barely function, he doesn't have even a GED and can't get a job. My other brother is trying, but he can't make anything good last longer then 6-9 months.  

   

So quit making excuses for people who have issues, they make others miserable because they are miserable. And people who find more and more labels to justify it only enable it to continue.  

   

   

   

 
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April 20, 2006, 12:58 pm CDT

WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?

Sex is fun, and sex makes babies. If you are really opposed to having children, then you should not be having sex.   

   

Yes, women have alot of power. We put out or not. We abort or not. I understand how that can seem terribly unfair. But here's the flip side. We carry the baby. We loose bone and blood for them We sit up at night while they cry. We take lesser jobs so we can spend time with them.   

   

Men do none of these things. I have been in a situation where I was on the pill and got pregnant anyhow. I chose to keep my son, how could i not, the creator himself chose me to raise him. I was young and poor and had to take state health insurance (medicaid).   

   

To get the medicaide,  I had to tell who the father was, even though he didn't want anything to do with us. I know for a fact that he has a support order against him that he isn't paying.   

   

BUT THAT ISN"T THE POINT  

   

The point is what is best for the baby. I have a child, that fact alters my life permanetly, If the guy has to pay a little child support, then so be it. But if he was so opposed to being a father, he should have gotten himself fixed. Its a quick and easy operation done in an out patient setting.  

 
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April 20, 2006, 1:03 pm CDT

MISS SHANNON

I am not going to tell you that the way you can be is good. You do have to treat people with some respect, even if you don't feel that respect.   

   

But I too would be upset if those things had happened to me. I think ther just comes a point when you have to decide to separate yourself from a bad situation. Get and keep your grades up. Look into moving into a house or apartmant with some roomates. Be nice to your dad, show up for birthdays and holidays, but you need to stat your life and not spend too much energy trying to make the situation work.  

   

alley_catharin@yahoo.com if you want to talk.  

 
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April 21, 2006, 12:58 pm CDT

NOT SO FAST

Quote From: southern1

Sorry, ladies, but I side with the man on this one.  He made it perfectly clear he didn't want to be a father.  The fact that she claimed to be on the Pill and unable to have children for other medical reasons sounds fishy to me.  I'm doubting both facts as being true.  I was on birth control for 10 years before my first pregnancy.  It works 99% of the time if used correctly.  Could she have been lax about taking the pill every day at the same time of day as the instructions say because she thought she had a medical condition preventing her from conceiving?  Smells a lot like fraud to me.  She wanted the baby, knew darn well he did not, so she should take full financial responsibility.  Sorry!

I have two "pill" babies to counterr that 99% figure that gets bandied about. The truth is that everyone is different ans has different body chemistries. After the second "pill" baby, I talked to a doctor who told me that the 99% thing is within women of a certain age and weight. The fact that I had always had heavy, irregular menstrual cycles indicated that the pill just wasn't effective for me.   

   

And whether or not she lied, which is unfair, we didn't hear her side, is not the point. A baby happened. A child that will grow into a person. I find it DEPLORABLE that anyone would stand up deny that child's right to exist.   

   

And as to these supposed "choices" Many women are opposed to abortion, they usually make that clear to their partners, I know that I did.    

   

Child support laws are not about punishing irresponsible men. They are not about awarding women. They are about making sure that the child's PARENTS support the child. Does Matt's having to pay $500/mo take a financial bite, I'm sure that it does. I know that he must make a hell of a lot, because I have never heard of child support that high.   

   

I really do not care how "fair" or "unfair" the issue is. It is about the child, that beautiful baby. I agree with the poster who asked about Matt's extended family. Does Gramma want to have contact with the baby??  

   

One of my children's father does not have contact. But his family does. I think that in this case it is a good thing, the bio-daddy is irresponsible and has proven the quality of his character many times since our very short relationship came to an end.  

   

I stand by my earlier post. If Matt was so violently opposed to fatherhood, he should have a vasectomy; they are easily reversible. He should have used condoms, but he didn't. And maybe she did lie, thats on her. But I don't see her finding crackpot lawyers to fight to the supreme court to avoid parenthood.  

   

IT ASTOUNDS ME THAT THE GREATEST RESPONSIBILITY IS SO OFTEN SHIRKED IN THE NAME OF "RIGHTS".   

   

MATT NEEDS TO GROW UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

 

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