Messages By: ceildh1

Having worked in a convinience store, I have seen GAMBLERS, now the machines aren't in the stores in my area (in th bars, even better huh?), but LOTTO TICKETS and SCRATCH TICKETS can be just as bad.

I have seen people drop hundreds in one evening just on lotto and scratch tickets, and do you think they are making their money back, not even close.

I have seen PARENTS buy these things for their kids, telling them its just for fun, can't sell them to the kids, but there's really nothing that can be done if the parent is buying them, I wonder where they get the money, until one evening a man came in and BEGGED us not to sell any more to his wife, they were going into bankruptcy, you see she was going to the local bar as well.

Have I played the machines, sure I have, but having ADD has kept me from becoming addicted, I simply can't sit still that long, but I know if I let him, my husband could, that's why we avoid the bars and casinos, thank goodness he knows that about himself.

But I told him LONG ago, that would NOT be acceptable, and I say what I mean and mean what I say, I tend to be very blunt and up front about things like that, he respects that, thank goodness!

As for drinking, I have never hidden the fact that I like a cold beer in July, here in Canada, deck season dosen't last near long enough (sigh), or any other time of the year come to think of it, my kids know the beer is in the fridge, when it is, for us I suppose it was the way we approached these things, and they think just the SMELL is gross, or it might not be appealing, but we always said there has to be some rewards for growing up, but I've also seen kids grow up in very strict homes where drinking and such have been hidden, and they go WILD once they reach drinking age.  Who really knows the answer anyway ?

I think though it comes down to we can only CONTROL ourselves and our own actions, and when the chips come down (no pun intended) we are ultimitly responsible for our own actions, choose the action, choose the consequences.

So this teacher did what ?  Oh yeah, made a porn movie TEN YEARS AGO, she obviously turned her life around and became a professional, a teacher no less ( one of the most THANKLESS jobs out there I think ), so she obviously went to college, and from what a couple of posters from her area had said, she was a damn good teacher, so what's the problem, I don't get it, I mean come on, she was broke and homeless, and I'm sorry desparate people do desparate things, it dosen't make them evil or bad influences.

Is she showing the movie she made to the kids ? No, and did she share the story of her sordid past with her students, God I hope not, obviously a vindictive mean spirited person found out about it, and felt the need to ruin someone's life

So tell me this, would you change Doctors if you found out that during med school your doctor was stripping to make ends meet ?  Even if he/she was the BEST in your town, delivered your babies or even saved the life of one of your loved ones, I doubt that would matter much then, or would it ?

I truly think there are some people we hold to TOO high of a moral standard, problem is those same people are constantly  looking over their shoulders, and they can't relax because they have to be sure their past dosen't catch up with them.

I mean really people, we allow pedophiles to return to their communities, around children, because they did their time and DESERVE another chance ( and knowing that chances are they will re offend) this woman has done nothing it seems but her job since that sorry episode in her life, why does she deserve less than the pedophile ?

My sympathies to you and your family.

You helped care for your mother to the end, and it sounds as though you were very close to her, you know what, there is no set time for grieving, there's no magic switch that you can turn on and off to say , " okay, I'm done grieving now", and your anger, that's normal.

Have you ever considered a Bereavment Group in your area ? That might help, to be able to speak to people going through the same thing you are, and to gain support from others who understand.

Did your parents die close together ? Sometimes that has a lot to do with it as well.

If you don't feel comfortable with the group thing, look into individual grief counselling it might help you more than you think.

But the worst thing you could do is isolate yourself from life, ask yourself, "would mom want me to do this, or would she want me to go out in the world and be happy ?" Only you can answer that, but I would think like most mothers, she would want you to be happy.

Again my sympathies, and I really hope this helps a bit.

You sound like a great friend to have, and I would be willing to bet NO ONE would drink and drive on your watch either, sometimes it's much more fun to watch the others act like idiots than to be one of them yourself (hehe).

I have been known to drink and yes in front of my kids, BUT never more than two beer, and they know the car keys are well away, my husband dosen't, and that's fine by me.  I have friends who smoke POT, all I've asked of them is not in my home or in front of my kids, otherwise, its their life, I haven't done that for almost twenty years, and have no intention of starting now.

I do smoke (gasp) cigarettes, but my kids don't, funny thing there.  They think it's disgusting, hey, I won't argue with them, besides I've always said to them, until YOU can buy it for yourself ( you have to be 19 to get tobacco or liquor legally) then you have no business using it, there is a reason it is for grownups only. 

Funny though, it dosen't seem to stop the ones who REALLY want to do it.

In defense of the kids these days, they have much more to deal with, usually, starting at home.

Have you ever read some of these childcare books ? "Don't trust your instincts " seems to be a big thing, trust the book, whichever one happens to appeal to you the most, so unlike even my parents in the seventies and eighties who depended on their instincts and parented  us, this days we are told that is WRONG, and the book will tell all, parents become confused about what top do and the conflicting advice and "evidence" we are innundated with is incredible.

Children are told as early as kindergarten that if Mommy or Daddy touches you in a way you don't like, tell us and we will have CPS or Social Services come see what's going on, even a teacher can get in trouble for patting a student on the back for a "Good Job".

Parents have given their power away, why I don't know, but we did.

Kids are coming from more broken homes now than EVER, Mom and Dad are BOTH working to make ends meet, it's NOT always a CHOICE whether or not to stay home now, and it makes it even harder for parents to keep a close eye on their kids, now kids being kids, especially teens, think back to that time, if you don't keep on top of things well we can a figure out where that can go.

There are kids who are going home to Mom or Dad passed out drunk or stoned on the couch, or Mom and Dad being "TOO BUSY" to talk give the kid some money and snd them on their way.

There are kids being badly abused at home, and lash out at ANY authority figure that they KNOW can't touch them.

Parents do have to take back their power with their kids, I agree, but where is the line ?  What constitutes abuse and what constitutes discipline, I've heard some saying that GROUNDING a kid is abusive, what is that all about ?

When Brittany Spears and Christina Aguleria  (?) have become our children's role models, or those horrid Bratz dolls that advocate being a fashionista instead of smarter than the boys, or how about the sports stars that have been charged for drug possetion or those rappers that glorify gun violence or the rock stars ( Marilyn Manson comes to mind) that glorify the evil in the world, we were in trouble.

Parents allowing their daughters  to go to school dressed like hookers in the name of fashion and freedom ? Give me a break. Or allowing their sons to walk around with their underwear hanging out, how about letting your teen get tattoos and body piercings whether you like it or not?

Did these parents LISTEN to that young woman last week ? She wanted to hear the word "NO" she wanted limits, children NEED them, so we as parents have to STEP UP and take our power back, I truly belive the really rotten kids are the MINORITY,lets start focussing on the MAJORITY of kids who might be just lost and confused, a lot like us parents at times.

Awsome idea, hope you don't mind if I use it at my Christmas party this year, could be fun ( evil grin).

By the way, if you are serious about drinking and driving, if someone gets abusive and insists on driving, a REAL FRIEND would call the police and let them deal with it, most of the time they are MORE THAN HAPPY to impound the vehicle, and let you pout in the drunk tank.

Imentioned childcare books because, and hey its only an opinion, they all offer conflicting advice as do people like Dr. Phil and others, I didn't realize I needed to cite these things, Dr. Phil dosen't belive in say co-sleeping, where another positivly SWEARS it is necessary to raise a well adjusted child, JUST AN OPINION!!!!!   Instincts have nothing to do with PARENTING, I beg to differ there. Like ALL animals we do respond to a child in distress without thinking twice (or at least I would hope we do), all mothers LEARN rather quickly the difference between the hunger cry and the change me cry, that is instinct.  We KNOW our own babies form another, from their cries, and yes that is INSTINCT, and getting to KNOW our own children and accepting them is instinctual behavior.  Morals and values are good don't get me wrong, but who is one person to say yours are right and mine are wrong ?

If your school is being SPECIFIC about good vs. Bad touching , GREAT that is a good step, but that has to be reinforced at home as well, By the way, Tickling can be seen as a form of abuse as well, just to let you know, and no I am not citing sources right now.

As for the pat on the back, it has happened in my local schools and I am sure it has happened in others.

As for NOT being a choice to stay home, I submit to you the single parent, Guess all single moms should just stay home on welfare huh ? Or how about the working poor ? Have you NOT been around the families who are working for FOOD, CLOTHING and SHELTER and have little if anything left over ?  Yes we should determine the budget, but you know sometimes there just ISN'T ENOUGH no matter how hard you crunch the numbers, I concur there are those that work only to get the bigger house or nicer car, but that dosen't reflect the majority of duo income families, at least I don't think so.

You only CONTROL what your children are exposed to around you and in YOUR home, when they go other places, while g-rated movies are all you allow, another parent may see nothing wrong with pg 13, see its all in the opinion of others I guess.

The city of Halifax had tried UNIFORMS, and guess what, the PARENTS were the ones that screamed about individuality and freedom, a lot, not all mind you of the kids thought it was a good idea, white t-shirt with the school logo and navy blue cargos, nothing painful to wear at all.

But as for citing sources, you know what, there are very few who would take the opinion of a person they have never met, and therefore would do it anyway, go to any bookstore, it seems the info is endless, and much of it conflicting.

Nice to see another from NS here, but we have our share of school troubles here as well, and our Young Offenders Act is a JOKE, and the kids know it.

However I do agree, Tericka's past should be LEFT THERE, she is OMG, a human being prone like the rest of us mere mortals to make mistakes, I am curious, if it is against the law in Kentucky for minors to posess Porn, or if it against the law to sell it to them, where did they get it ? And were there any consequnces for them ?

I agree about the convicted Felon part, What I mean is, why should this follow them forever, and as another poster pointed out. John .Q. Public will soon forget this whol;e sorry episode.

One thing does trouble me though,

If a teen is still considered a "child" and the parents still responsible for them, why can a fourteen year old consent to sexual relations?

Why is it a fourteen year old kid can refuse to come home at one in the morning, all the police can do is inform the parents of their whereabouts, but CANNOT compel them to come home?

Why is it, that a kid can be bailed out of jail 10 times into the custody of his parents who cannot control him, then while awaiting trial, can steal a car and kill a Teacher's Aid ?  Being from NS you know what case I am talking about.

And YET Dr. Phil has said it himself, their BRAINS are still growing and their reasoning centres are NOT fully developed, that is why we are not the same people at 25 that we were at sixteen, and yet we reason that despite that they are capable of making adult choices eg. having sex , staying out until whenever then when they get in trouble, we'll put them through Adult Court because they should KNOW BETTER, and yet we still call them CHILDREN, I wish we could make up our minds about that.

Love your Post

Because it's SOOOO true