Quote From: kahtikei
While watching today's show I experienced emotions I thought were long gone.
I was in an abusive marriage years ago. My then-husband was an alcoholic, spit in my face, man-handled me, threatened me, called me horrible names, was controlling and cruel. My self-esteem was shattered. I don't know why it took me so long to get out of that unhealthy relationship...but get out I did.
There is life beyond abuse. I've been married to my husband now for 30 years. He is my best and dearest friend, not only a wonderful husband but a terrific father. He is kind, gentle, listens, gives consideration to me, my thoughts and dreams.
For women planning to leave an abusive relationship, here are important steps to keep in mind. Following information is from Advocates to End Domestic Violence, Carson City, Nevada:
Step I - Plan for Safety if a Violent Incident Occurs
Plan to keep your purse and car keys ready. Put them in a place that you can grab them and leave quickly.
Tell a friend, neighbor or family member about the violence and ask them to call the police if they hear suspicious noises coming from the house.
Teach your children how to dial 911 to contact the police.
Decide now where you would go if you have to leave your home.
If you believe an argument is going to occur, move to a lower risk place in your home. Avoid bathrooms, the kitchen, garage, rooms where weapons are stored, or rooms without access to an outside door.
If the situation is serious, give your partner what he/she wants to calm him down. Protect your self until you are out of danger.
Step 2 - Plan for Safety When You Are Preparing to Leave
Leave money and an extra set of keys, and copies of important documents with a neighbor, nearby friend or family member so that you can leave quickly.
Leave extra clothes with a nearby friend of neighbor in case you must leave quickly. Open a bank or savings account in your name to increase your independence.
Memorize the domestic violence hotline number (775-883-7654). Use this number if you need to seek shelter from domestic violence.
Keep a change for phone calls, a phone calling card, or a cell phone at all times.
Avoid making calls from your home phone that would display the numbers you have called.
Decide on an escape plan and rehearse this plan. If you have children, practice with your children.
Step 3 - Plan for Safety with a Protection Order
Note: Many batterers will obey a protective order, but you can not be sure which violent partner will obey the order and which will violate the order. Plan for your safety by seeking shelter from the batterer. Be prepared to ask the police or the courts to enforce your protective order.
Keep your protection order with you at all times. Make copies and keep them in your car, your home, at your job or anywhere else you might spend time regularly.
Inform your employer, your minister, your friends, your babysitters, your children's school, and anyone else you or your children regularly spend time with.
If your partner violates the protection order and you feel you are in danger, CALL THE POLICE. You should also plan on contacting your attorney, calling the court and advise them of the violation.
If your partner is contacting your place of work repeatedly, you can ask a coworker to screen your calls.
Consider your daily habits. Do you frequent the same grocery store or shopping center regularly and at the same times? If so, consider varying where and when you carry out your daily activities so they are different from your habits when you resided with your battering partner.
Consider changing to a different bank or financial institution. It is also a good idea to vary the times you do your banking to different hours than when you were with your partner.
Step 4 - Items to Take When Leaving
If you decide to leave your partner, it is important to take certain items with you. You could also copy these papers and leave them, along with some extra clothing with a trusted friend or family member in the event you must leave in a hurry.
The following is a list of items that should be taken. It is best to leave them in one location so that if you have to leave in a hurry you can take them quickly.
When You Leave: You Should Take:
Your identification
Your children's birth certificates
Social Security Cards
School and vaccination records
Money
Checkbook, ATM Cards
Credit Cards
Keys - House/car/office
Drivers license and registration for your vehicle.
Medications
Welfare Identification
Work permits, green cards, passports
Divorce Papers
Medical Records for yourself and your children
Insurance papers
Address Book
Pictures
Jewelry
Children's Favorite toys and/or blankets
Items of special sentimental value
You have probably helped many women with your post, this would be a great list to have, because when you leave in a hurry like many of these women have to, there are things one might forget.
The BEST point was a separate savings account, even if you have to save the emties and cash them in, DO IT,Sorry ladies, but I do NOT belive any woman should be COMPLETELY DEPENDANT ON ANYONE, in an abusive relationship or NOT.
But one point I would like to make to single women, TRUST your GUT, if this guy seems way to charming, HE IS, many of these guys start out as PRINCE CHARMING , but turn into a TOAD as soon as the ring is firmly attached, they HAVE YOU.
If he drinks way too much, or becomes a jerk after a couple of drinks, RUN
How does he treat people he perceives as below him eg. wait staff cashiers
Does he RESPECT YOU, that means no nasty names, no slapping, or pushing, no yelling when you "PRESS HIS BUTTONS"
There is much more to it, but you get my drift, YOUR HEART CAN STEER YOU WRONG, and YOU WILL NOT CHANGE HIM, Please ladies , USE YOUR HEADS< GUT whatever you choose to call it, if it dosen't feel right , then it probably isn't and ALL of us are worth much more than a LIFETIME of torture at the hands of someone who CLAIMS to love you, LOVE DOES NOT HURT!!!
