Message Boards

Messages By: rtrouble

User Mood
Good

Message Emote
upset
March 31, 2006, 8:00 am CST

Both Teens Responsible For Death

 When I saw this show, it made me very upset that the mother of the boy who died became a victim of the prosecution's "Devil's Advocate" techniques. Face reality!! First of all, both of the teens involved were abusing each other in a stubborn, mental way to be in the predicament of a game of "chicken". He obviously thought she would stop the car, she thought he would jump out of the way. Yes, it was tragic, but she chose to leave him and he chose not to move. And how does it benefit you as a mother to hold onto all of this resentment and anger? You have a family who needs encouragement and positive motivation- not bitterness and self-justification for what was God's will. Yes, your son died, but you need to realize that every minute that girl is in prison, she is suffering too. People do dumb, ignorant things and one mistake doesn't have to ruin somebody's life just so you feel better out of your insecurity over your son being dead. He's in a better place anyway, she got years of misery ahead of her by being in prison, why are you causing yourself such grief? Why are you so hateful towards her parents? It's not their fault that the kids decided to play chicken, just like it's not your fault either. Quit playing the blame game and recognize that your son wouldn't want you to be such a vindictive person. Be better because of him, not worse because he's gone. Let go and forgive them both for what happened. I guarantee you'll feel a whole lot less guilty and burdened. You don't have to like them, you don't have to even be friends, but you need to let go because it will hurt you the same way that it's hurting her mother. And how would you feel as a mother if your son was the one who ran her daughter over and the roles were reversed? I can't imagine the hole in your life, but you're the one who can choose to fill it with love or fill it with hate. 

 To the cheerleader's mom- I know how it feels to have someone you love in prison, but it wasn't your fault they decided to play chicken. It's hard to accept that she's there and not able to do all of the things you and her wanted. But you should be proud of all of the things she is doing in prison for others and glad that she has become the woman she is now. I can see that she is a gift. Don't let what happened ruin your health. By being proactive and talking about what she goes through and went through you can change lives and save lives. You are stronger than the pain and you need to use that pain to grow and make a difference. Your daughter needs you and your family to succeed, no matter where she's at. People in prison are no different than people on the outside. The only difference is that the law is dealing with them. There is no justice in the justice system, in my opinion. And your daughter deserves to have you around when she does get out, so take care of yourself better and try not to use drugs unless it's necessary. You need to focus your energy on living healthy and being well for your family. The best thing you can do is focus on what you can do for your son and husband so they can cope with you. You are not alone and I know what it's like to go visit someone. I always tried to connect with the "family" that was there every week visiting by talking. It really helped me to help them sometimes by listening. It made my situation seem smaller and it made me feel better to just realize that there are worse things and made it easier to accept what we had to deal with. 

Even now, I miss the "family" I was a part of for two years. Connecting with other people helped me to get through the time a lot easier. I have little kids, but if I didn't and I had the ability to be there every week, I would. Sometimes people just need a hug and to know others understand how it feels to have someone they love in prison. Giving of yourself makes a huge difference to you and to them. Make a difference and God bless you. 

 
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
blank
April 19, 2006, 1:35 pm CDT

Reply

Quote From: cablekidz

Why are you so hateful towards her parents?  

She was hateful towards his parents because of all the things you typed in your post that you apparently believe about Daniel and his family.  Why do you think those things?  Because Brandi's parents went on the Dr. Phil show with some unsubstantiated allegations and you bought it hook, line and sinker.  Why else would you assume that what happened that night was a game of chicken?   

  

I know how it feels to have someone you love in prison.  There is no justice in the justice system, in my opinion.  Sometimes people just need a hug and to know others understand how it feels to have someone they love in prison.  

If Brandi's parents had remained focused on what it's like to have someone in prison and the injustice of the justice system, Daniel's family probably wouldn't have been so angry.  I think a line was crossed when they chose to blame the victim and attempt to retry the case on TV without presenting all the facts.   

She shouldn't be hateful is the entire point and she should turn that hate into an understanding that they have opinions regarding her son's behaviors toward Brandi and they are entitled to their thoughts. And I understand a lot about stubborn, young kids in relationships being mentally belligerent to one another. Daniel's Mom was said to have bothered Brandi and her parents before this ever happened because of Dan and Brandi's problems. The parents were ununited from the get go. It's a shame that they couldn't keep them apart. If they both had, this wouldn't ever have happened.   

Daniel's parents were pissed because it was brought out about Dan's behavior and their own behavior. That's why they denied it and were pissed. Dan's parents immediately tried to yell at Brandi's Mom- that shows me they can't handle some facts. I however, do agree that the show should not have been used as a tool to try the case again and the facts the prosecution mostly relies on are really hearsay and a little forensic work. Truthfully, the lawyer for Brandi didn't consider the "chicken" defense because he/she must not be very streetwise or have much common sense. This entire deal is orbital, not flat like a map. Every angle should've been looked at, not just the fact she got mad and he stood there and he got hit. I agree that she is paying the price, but a victim don't just become a victim by mere circumstance in a situation like this one. She wanted to go and he didn't want to let her, so he stood in her way. She should've handled it differently, but if she did, what would he have done? Would she have been beaten or dead as a result? We'll never know.  

Her misplaced fear and anger led her to hit the gas that night. And his anger and being unable to let her go led him to stand there, thinking she'd stop. That's the truth and the truth got her jailtime.  

Her parents need a lot of money and to hire a great lawyer, then maybe she'd get paroled or a sentence reduction. Dr. Phil was a lawyer, he should know better than to let them advertise on tv for that. He might get sued by Daniel's family or get disbarred for that. And Brandi's Mom wasn't blaming the victim, she agreed it was Brandi's fault, but like me, she agrees it wasn't entirely on her since the problems Brandi and Dan were having were what catapulted this disaster into effect. That's the point. Brandi is learning a lot of lessons being in jail young and I do believe if she was to get out early, she'd be ok in society. She had a temper flare up and so did Dan. One mistake don't make you useless and unworthy of love, no matter what that mistake may be since there is not one sin that is worse than any other in God's eyes. I use God's eyes a lot and see what others don't and my saying is " I wasn't born yesterday, I was born tomorrow". Dan's parents need to lay themselves down at the foot of the cross and lay all their resentments down also. Then they need to recognize it is a new day.  

   

 
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
worried
April 22, 2006, 3:44 pm CDT

It's everyone's fault

The reason why so many people are morbidly obese is because some are genetically predisposed to being large, but then there are the ones who don't take responsibility for their own well being and health and turn into gluttons, boo-hooing about how it's not their fault they can't even barely move, let alone breathe. And the family members add to the problem by tolerating the person's over indulgence instead of saying no, or go get it yourself. Maybe she wouldn't be 700 lbs. and nobody else in the world would become this way if people learned how to be stubborn in a good way and not encourage such bad habits. You can't make a person active, but you can create a lethargic existence by yielding to their desires, thus making them inactive, ineffective and adding to their low self esteem. My advice for people who are in the position of being so overweight they can't do anything is to just start focusing on doing anything you are interested in and start to do it, other than eating mass quantities of food. It makes me sick that people in families don't care enough to motivate someone by neglecting to feed their obesity, not offering any alternatives of activity, even if it's spending time w/ them  and  not allowing them to make excuses for such a poor lifestyle. I'm sure that something made her shut herself down in a room and nobody came to rescue her from her situation and they just fed her to shut her up instead of make her get it out in the open and refuse to over feed her and help her cope. She has issues, but the family hasn't done anything until she's 700 lbs.? Why didn't they help when she was 300 lbs.? It's a sad situation when food= love.
 
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
happy
April 24, 2006, 10:09 am CDT

Law degree

Quote From: kstwin64

"Dr. Phil was a lawyer, he should know better than to let them advertise on tv for that. He might get sued by Daniel's family or get disbarred for that."   

  

"I use God's eyes a lot and see what others don't and my saying is " I wasn't born yesterday, I was born tomorrow". 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

As you looked through God's eyes did you see when or where Dr. Phil got a law degree?  

Yes, I do believe since he claims he is the cofounder of "Courtroom Sciences, Inc."- the world's leading litigation consulting firm, that he is in fact a graduate of law with a degree. It's right in his books; he talks about what he did before the show. Look it up if you want proof, or ask him to fax you a copy of his degree LOL :) 

 
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
hopeful
April 24, 2006, 10:29 am CDT

Being large to begin with don't help at all!!

Quote From: purplepain

Being "genetically predisposed to being large" cannot CANNOT cause morbid obesity. Fat doesn't just appear from no where. Fat is physical material. It is physically impossible for fat just appear. Physics doesn't allow that. Fat is from eating too much food. PERIOD.

Other then that I agree with pretty much everything else you said. :)

If a person is 200-300 lbs. to begin with, it don't take long to become 400-600 lbs. since they are already hereditarily obese. Fat don't appear from nowhere, it appears from all the fattening food we stuff our faces with everyday!! And their metabolism don't allow it to be burned (plus they have a hard time moving effectively to begin with), so they become morbidly obese from the combination. 

I personally am 5'3" and weigh 130 lbs. I am considered overweight according to the "health experts". When I weighed 120-125 lbs. everyone thought I looked anorexic!! The epidemic we have going on is fat vs. thin and it should be healthy vs. unhealthy. Being over 300 lbs. is just totally astonishing to me. As people get older, they gain so many lbs. per year, it's a proven fact. These morbidly obese people just do it faster and need some hypno-therapy to refocus their thoughts so they can lead good, healthy lives instead of lay in a bed and become like beached whales. Occasionally I do see people who weigh over 300 lbs. out and about and I at least give them some credit for getting up and out of bed everyday. Their problem is that they binge eat and are addicted to food. I hope Dr. Phil can help more people who are suffering from this disorder. 

 
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
blank
April 24, 2006, 10:53 am CDT

The father is a non-emotional dud

Quote From: yourtroubl

I was just watching her Daddy  and her in the pool yesterday and thinking how much he loves her.  She has him wrapped around her little finger.  I can not imagine a father letting this happen.  I have no empathy for cheaters either.  He chose this woman over his family when he cheated.  I hope someone calls CPS and the family that now has her can keep her and she can forget all about her biological dad.  He does not deserve her and should not be trusted with her.  And I dont think you can even that that thing with him a Woman.  She does not deserve that title.  She should be put into jail.

If this "thing" called a "Dad" (i'll refer to him as "Dud"), wasn't pouring his negative disposition onto his new wife and family, she would feel more stable and would probably be a better stepmom. I looked into Dud's eyes and couldn't see a spark of compassion for any of them. Dud acts like his daughter is an animal he can just deal with temporarily and I give some credit to the stepmom for asking for help, he certainly don't give her any, let alone his daughter. So that's why she grew to have the attitude she has toward Ambreah, because he has it. Obviously, a 6 yr.old child who is violent is getting it from somewhere. They both acted like they were hiding more and seeing Dud playing with Ambreah looked like it was for show. 

I just wonder what the other girls go through and I hope that this don't get to the point where anyone goes to jail and they go to foster care, which is way worse. It feels awful when a guy don't take responsibility and you are forced to be more than you are capable of being. And I'm sure Ambreah deserves better from everyone; why are these other people offering to care for Ambreah? If they cared, they would refuse and agree to help only if her Dud moved in also, so that they could see what the problem is, or are they the problem? Who knows what this child is being exposed to? That's the problem.  

 
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
sad
April 24, 2006, 11:03 am CDT

Ed and Barb are both responsible

Quote From: nerak1962

I think Ambreah should kick them both to the curb.  She needs to stay where she is, with a family who wants her.  Step-Monster needs to be arrested for threating this little girl.  Ed needs to quit thinking with the head with one eye and try thinking with the one that has two eyes.  If he did this he would see what a horrible person he married.
I think that Ed and Barb never were good people to begin with and when Ambreah came to live with them, they took all of their problems out on her and she became what they called her to be, instead of being in a safe, loving environment. Two people got married that  shouldn't have and they both resent having Ambreah to remind them of their shortcomings as human beings. It's a shame that Ed ignores life and Barb exploits it with her belligerence. Barb was undoubtedly brought up wrong and Ed is no better.
 
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
blank
April 24, 2006, 11:33 am CDT

There are no typical men or women

Quote From: boardgames

I MET A MAN THAT I HATED. HE WAS A JERK. I TOLD HIM ABOUT HOW I FELT. HE WAS JUST ANOTHER TYPICAL MAN. HE SAID IT WAS BECAUSE HE WAS MISERABLE IN HIS MARRIAGE. WE TALKED FOR 12 HOURS A DAY OR MORE AND I FOUND HIS GOOD SIDE. HA HA. HE MOVED IN WITH ME AND MY 3 KIDS SO I COULD MAKE SURE HE WOULD LOVE THEM. HE DID OH HE DID, HE PLAYED WITH THEM TOOK THEM PLACES BOUGHT THEM THINGS, UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY. THEN HE WANTED TO KNOW WHY THEY WERE THERE. HE MADE THEM FIND A PLACE TO STAY EVERY WEEKEND, HE MADE RULES FOR EATING, SLEEPING EVEN GOING TO THE BATHROOM. HE KEPT THEM COMPLETLY AWAY FROM ME AT ALL TIMES. I LOST MY KIDS. I CHOSE HIM OVER THEM. NOW THEY ARE GONE AND I HAVE FOUND THAT---I DONT LIKE HIM MUCH, HE IS A JERK. MY ADVICE TO THAT MAN IS TO KICK HER TO THE CURB, YESTERDAY WOULDNT BE TOO SOON!
We all make mistakes, we all yell or are abusive at times to an extent, whether we want to admit it or not. I almost made the mistake you did- I started being with someone with my 3 kids. At first he was interested in all of us until it became a monotony of his needs 24/7 being met and him being lethargic and making excuses for everything. I'm glad I woke up and left while I still could. My daughter is 8 and she wrote in her journal that she was sad I wasn't there for her. It got to the point that he yelled most of the time, yet he didn't want to be a disciplinarian. These men act as if they want to be leaders, but they don't .My advice for Barb and Ed is that they need a big time out and both of them are no good for anyone!!
 
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
blank
April 24, 2006, 3:28 pm CDT

People can change

Quote From: txwg_1

Im so sad right now. The reason why is because of what Ambreah is having to go through at such a young age. I have lived exactly what she is going through right now. My mom passed away when I was two from cancer. I dont even remember her at all. All I know is what my dad and grandparents have told me of her. At Six years old that is when I got the step mom from hell. She hated me with a passion. I was the only child who did anything wrong. Her daughter, who was two years younger than I was did no wrong. I was beaten everyday for eight years.  I was hit with a belt, a baseball bat in the head. I was slapped in the face,and once she chased me through the house trying to hit me with my dads belt buckle on the end of his belt. It was a glass bubble type buckle with a gold nugget inside just to let you know what it looked like. She locked me outside in the snow and ice with only my nightgown on and my socks. I thought I was going to freeze to death. She made me take asprin, and I am allergic to asprin. She made me say after that, that I wished my grandmother would die that night. She took away all pictures I had of my mom ,and I still dont know what happen to them. She made me call her momma, and if I didnt she'd kick me. She even tried to run over me with her car. i thank God that I was a fast runner, and that the football stadium we lived next to had the wooden post around that parking lot or she would have gotten me. She told me several times that she was going to put me in the ground next to my mom. Try living with that everyday. The school reported her to CPS, and she lied to them, and got out of it. My dad wasnt home much. She made him work all the time to make her some money. He only knew what she told him. She even hit me with a belt when I missed a mulitplication problem. She told me that if I didnt get them all correct there would be no Christmas presents. I got them right, but now I still have trouble remembering them. She also locked me in my room with no heat, and no way to use the bathroom.The only way I FINALLY got this woman out of my life was after she had chased me through the house again hitting me with the belt, was when I got under my bed, and made it out of my room. I ran all the way to where my dad worked, crying. He asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He saw all the welps, and marks all over me, and he asked me who did this. I told him, and then I asked him to divorce the B. Then we hugged and cried. That night I went to my grandparents, and he divorced her. ED HEAR ME NOW. SHES NOT GOING TO CHANGE. IT WOULD BE NICE IF SHE DID, BUT I DONT THINK SHE WILL. BARBARA NEEDS TO GO. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THERE TO PROTECT HER. DONT PUT YOUR DAUGHTER THROUGH WHAT IVE BEEN THROUGH. IT STILL HAUNTS ME, AND IT WILL HAUNT HER TOO IF YOU DONT DO SOMETHING NOW. FOR YOUR CHILDS SAKE, PLEASE BEFORE ITS TOO LATE. ONCE YOUR CHILDS GONE YOU CANT GET HER BACK. Thanks for reading my story. Have a great day.
I am sorry to hear that you went through such a horrible ordeal, however, I do give Barb a scant amount of credit for being the one to make them come on the show and to be honest about what she does and how she feels so she can get them help. She definitely has resentment issues with Ed and Ambreah that need taken care of and Ed don't know how to love obviously, let alone be responsible with Ambreah. I believe that Ed puts the brunt of "looking good" onto Barbara and there's more going on and more that went on between Ed and Barbara. I also believe that Barbara was brought up abusively because I sometimes overreact with my own kids, too. It's not right that she's creating this "monster" with her own attitude and she at least is attempting to get help for her anger issues. She needs a mental evaluation and to learn parenting skills. And until they all get counseling to undo the damage between them, it's a sad situation. It takes time to grow and some people don't and some people do. At least Barb is willing because she realizes how audacious she is and I hope she becomes a better mom for her other daughters and maybe if she and Ed were to really be figured out, then they could be good parents for Ambreah. I think Barb just don't know how to discipline without violence and if she were to get help, she will stop calling her names and hurting herself and Ambreah.
 
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
worried
April 24, 2006, 3:51 pm CDT

Teach her better

Quote From: suchaqt3

 . . while I would never hurt my step-daughter the stress and anxiety that accomanies her visits on the weekends is awful.  My daughter (with my husband) who is only 9 months old can sense the tense and cries the whole weekend when my step-daughter is here.  Her mother has told her many untrue things about me. (My husband and her mother were never married)  I was not the reason that the are not together anymore,  the broke up 6 years before but my sd blames me.  She refuses to listen to anything that I say (like don't run into the street) and will do whatever I tell her not to do.  I am worried that our children will see her behavior and will not listen to me either.  While in an ideal world, all step-families would be the Brady Bunch but lets be realistic, being a step-parent is 100 times harder than being a parent. It is not an easy position for anyone and while Barbara's reaction is quite strong, on a basic level I can relate to not wanting the child around the house and around my children.

It isn't easy when parents degrade one another to a child, I am a step mom and have tried my best to do what I can to encourage positive remarks, even though I have been patronized and told I'm not " mother of the year ". Sometimes no matter how hard you try, other people hate you. And that hate is what causes these problems to spiral into violence. The problem is that the divorced spouse can't let go of the past and accept that their ex has moved on and deserves the best in life, just as they do. The kids get caught in the middle and it takes time for everyone to adjust. I've been married to my husband for 5 yrs and my stepson is 10 and his mom now seems finally somewhat ok with us LOL. I struggled with some resentments at first myself; it's not easy to blend families. It takes all parents to make rules and follow them, including punishments for bad behavior. I know I won't let my kids talk bad about others, so I follow the same rule. There's just some women who will not get over the fact that they had a kid, the guy didn't care or left for whatever reason and don't let go of the blame. My stepson is deaf in one ear and I relax a little and let my husband deal with him mostly (he's hard to understand, I really try!). The only thing that makes me upset w/ his ex is the fact she knew (I knew something was wrong when I met him and heard him talk) for a fact from the doctor when he was 7, that he had a lot of ear infections and had tubes and there was fluid in his ear and he was asymptomatic, thus it caused him to lose his hearing (probably gradually). It's called acute otitis media(the ear infection that don't go away). And she's blamed my husband for it many times. However, she knew she could get him a hearing aid and hasn't because it would require surgery and he was "scared", so she uses that as an excuse. Other than that, I think she's ok. It just makes me mad that she's so uneducated and ignorant of how this affects his future that she hasn't (and won't) do anything!! 

Kids will be kids and sometimes they get along and sometimes they don't, but your step-daughter needs to be set down by her Dad every time she comes over and every single rude thing she does should be nipped in the bud. And if her mom don't like it, she needs to correct her daughter!! 

Your step-daughter shouldn't be blaming anyone anymore and you all need to sit down and get that out of her head so she don't have relationship problems in the future and so you all can have some peace! 

 

First Page | Previous Page | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Next | Last
Return to Message Board