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Messages By: sweet2u

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May 4, 2006, 9:50 am CDT

LIVING WITH CHRONIC PAIN @ AGE 30

  

Hello,  

I have suffered with chronic pain since age 14, I am now 30.  I had herrington rods put in back at age 17 due to scoliosis and have been suffering more ever since.  I applied for disability 2 yrs ago and was luckily approved about 10 months later the first time.  I have 3 girls ages 11/8/4 and they suffer too beacuse I cant do much with them.  The reason I am disabled is I have digenerative Disk Disease and many other back problems.  I am supposed to have surgery sometime this year but, I am so scared. I remember the pain I had at 17 like it was yesterday.  My life consist of staying home most of the time because I cant go anywhere with out hubby cause legs give out alot from nerve damage.  I also stay depressed too, no meds seem to help the depression.  No meds help the pain either, I mean sometimes the edge is taken off but, for the most part I cry every day.  My surgeon says he will release me as a patient if I dont have the surgery cause he cant treat me with just pain meds, I have for over 1 yr been going to a pain clinic and I hate it.  They are nasty and full of crack heads abusing the system!  Very few people are legitimate. Fow those who are please take no offense as I must go too.  I only hope my life will soon better for the sake of my family and me.  I am too young to hate my life.  I wish I could just walk or sit without pain.  I feel for all those who suffer with chronic pain, I truley understand and I will pray for everyone.  Please feel free to email me @ sweet2u72875@yahoo.com  I enjoy meeting new people who understand how I feel.  YOU ARE ALL IN MY PRAYERS AND THOUGHTS.  GOOD LUCK WITH LIVING DAY TO DAY , thats how I do it day by day.  Mabe some of us can all meet one day for our own chronic pain convention!  That would be fun, lets think about it--DR PHIL'S PEOPLE THATS A GOOD IDEA TO HELP US GET TOGETHER!!!!!! HERES TO NEW FRIENDS!!!  

  

WENDY,  

LOUISIANA   

(yes I was a hurricane victim too-lost it all & adds to depression)  

 
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May 4, 2006, 11:44 am CDT

I understand you

Quote From: djmatt

I am in severe pain daily.  It feels like knives are stabbing in my spine, up and down.  The pain meds don't relieve this, not enough to make a difference.  I sometimes take 3 or 4 Ultram when I wake up still with no relief, also with the Duragsic Pain patch, Oxycodone, Neurontin and Tylenol.  

  

My employer has robbed me of my livelihood, my life, my hopes and dreams, and have lied to me, and will not return my calls.  They discontinued my benefits without warning, and after promising they would not.  I do not know my employment status, they will not tell me.  

  

They denied me permission to return to work on three different occasions with a release from my doctor each time.  I have contacted the local Untied Way, attempting to get some guidance, they advised me to call the consumer credit counseling service which is closed until Thursday.  

  

I have been receiving suspicious phone calls.  I have had people watching me.  For instance, recently someone in a suburban pulled into my driveway up about 100' from the road and about 30' from my house and was taking pictures.  When I walked out the front door to confront him, the man immediately jumped in his vehicle. backed down this long narrow gravel driveway hauling a@*.  Before I could grab my cam-corder to zoom in and capture his tag number and the vehicle, he had backed out onto a major highway giving no thought to this hill that is too steep to see over if traffic is coming, and raced North spinning tires and all.  And all I did was walk out the door.  

  

The almost exact thing happened on three or four different occasions when I was at the back of the property, and was in the vicinity of the road that is perpendicular to the major highway.   This person was in a Mustang, super fast because each time I spotted him he was looking directly at me, and as before, before I could get a tag number, he hauled asp burning rubber.  

  

The individual who promised me that the company would not discontinue my benefits is now denying this, he just finally contacted me.  He passed the buck back to HR and he said he had nothing to with it.  But he is the one who refused to allow me to return to work.  

  

The stigma of depression...that's what it is.  This is the man, who had the nerve to ask me if I was having sexual relations with a former employee.  He had no cause for this.  She never filed a complaint or I would have known.  She did file a complaint against someone in upper management, and I backed her up on this about sexual harassment.  I had to convince her that her job was safe if she did file the complaint.  Nothing was done but a slap on the wrist and an apology (admission) by the manager.  She later left on her own.    

  

I emailed the CEO and V/P out of France, the home base for this company prior to my medical leave expressing my concerns about this very thing.  I emailed him last Friday and have not heard back from him.  I still have not heard from HR.  She is avoiding me.  She led me to believe that I would continue receiving benefits, but at a lower rate last week, and that I would have my answer by Friday 5:00 pm EDT.  She has not returned any of my calls.  I called the Atlanta area office and left a message, they told me she would be there by noon EDT, and they would give her the message to call me as soon as she walked in the door.    

  

No matter who I contact, I cannot get any kind of immediate assistance.  

  

What do I need?  

  • A doctor who can find the source of my pains and treat them effectively.
  • The Vagus Nerve Stimulator implant procedure.
  • A way to stay a float financially while these are being done.
  • A job with a company that is honest and humane, and built on trust, with an income comparable to what I was making with the benefits or
  • The means to start my own business, as I have mentioned I have some tools, a dilapidated shop, a few pieces of lumber.  I just need advice and a push getting it going.  Or
  • Any kind of home based business, computer related would be great.  Dealing with people would be great. 
  • If I could feel better and see a brighter future I would have the will to quit smoking and to exercise and eat healthier.
  • And if I could get to this point I will push my campaign for the fight against child abuse.

This is physical and mental and emotional TORTURE  And years of this is just too much.  There has to be a way out, some answers, a glimmer of hope somewhere.  I just need some help getting there.  I did not choose to be in this situation.  

  

It is a know fact that animals and people prey on those weaker than them.  And although Depression is not a personal weakness, it appears that way to others and they take advantage.  I can get a list of people who will tell you how hateful, mean and selfish my supervisor has been.  Even from years past.   

  

It just feels hopeless when I feel I have contacted everyone in the book, and I am still no closer than I was a year ago to having a normal life.  

  

Can some one please, please help me?  

  

Just imagine going through every day with the feeling of knives jabbed in your spine, up and down. And people just walking all over you because you cannot defend yourself.  Not just employers, but all kinds of people.  

  

Imagine being so depressed that you just cry and cry, feel guilt, anxieties, pressure in your head like it's going to explode.  

  

I have been to numerous doctors, and here I am, still sitting here in this sinking boat without a life raft and no land in sight.   

  

No, I do not intend to commit suicide, I would not do that to my family, but it doesn't stop the thought from crossing my mind almost every day for 16+ years.  Imagine feeling that worthless as a human being.  That defeated, and I have so much I could offer to this world, to our society and to my community, if I could just have my life back.  

  

Losing this home, again, only a 100,000.00 dollar home. That's one hundred thousand dollar home.  This is very modest with ten acres of land, so that I can, if and when I am well enough, walk into the woods and talk to GOD.  That's what I did when I was young.    

  

It's like I am asking too much out of life.  And had it not been for my illnesses and mistreatment by my employer(s), my life would be fantastic!  

  

  

 

I am sorry you r in pain, I live with it daily too. I would definitly get an atty.  and he will help u go over things and find out about the ppl watching u.  He can set up his own ppl to watch the ppl watching u and find out who they r.  (I am abbreviating to save space and time) An atty can also even just send out a letter representing u and they may get scared and settle things with u, even if its workers comp or giving u ins again.  I think that is a great idea, some attys work out a pymt plan and some pro bono for ppl who really need it like u.  This is a real problem & it is not good to have strangers watching u.  PUT A NO TRESSING SIGN OUT AND CALL POLICE TO PASS BY MORE.  I read ur story & all others on here and cry, it is so sad what we go through.  I  have had so many jobs as a medical assistant that it isnt funny, they got tired of me missing work b/c sometimes i couldnt function that day & i had too many dr appts so they would always let me go due to missing work-didnt care if i had docs note either. Left me no choice but to get on dissability-luckily i was accepted 1st time--not that it pays me all i deserve but, at least it covers my pain mgnt doc & meds, yep my whole ck of $642 every month is toward medical for me, which leaves stress on my hubby cause he has to pay all the bills & it is very very hard living pay ck to pay ck.  My kids suffer too b/c we cant spend $ on ativities w/ them as we should be able to do.   Sad thing is i tried to commit suicide in 2004 and alit did was get me 1 night in the pycho ward for nothing---the pills didnt even make me sleepy cause my body so used to the meds i take---the ER was shocked, they couldnt believe that after swallowing 30 tranzene & 30 percocet i was ok--truely no syntoms. Actually its sad cause i was still in pain!   Anyway, I could go on & on but, I will stop.  Please email me if u would like to, I dont mind. 

 

Wendy 

AKA sweet2u 

 
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May 4, 2006, 12:10 pm CDT

I have read & understand

Quote From: sudonia

I was so glad to see this on the topics. I was hit by a truck going 50 mph almost 5 years ago. It herniated a disc and then the disc below it started collapsing. The MRI suggests that degenerative disc disease could be there as well, probably started by the initial injury. I went to a doctor and they said it was facet joint problems and gave me injections which did not work. That was when the MRI was ordered and the disc problems were found. I had other procedures, and nothing helped. I started taking medication because the pain was so bad I literally could not get out of bed. At least now I can get up and do things. I hate that a lot of negetive attention is addressed about prescription pain meds. It seems that doctors are getting scared to prescribe, because the media has only shown these addicts who do not take their meds like they should. I just moved to the Memphis area, and am having a terrible time finding a doctor that will take me on and prescribe what I have been taking successfully for years. (Or maybe actually fix the problem if at all possible, but I think I have scar tissue in there where ligaments and tendons were torn, as my doctor back home thinks has happened as well) One place wants to do facet joint injections even though my records show all the disc problems and the previous injections didn't help. I do not take more than I should, even when the pain seems extra bad, because I know I only have a 30 day supply and if I use it more there will be none left, and it controls the daily pain I live with. It bothers me that shows do not discuss the people who really need it and do what they are supposed to. There are a whole lot of us out here, but all you hear about is the people who abuse and it gets the country in an uproar and doctors getting scared.  

  I just do not know what I am going to do. The pain is there all of the time. I do not want surgery, because so many say it makes it worse and I am terribly scared of going under anesthesia and dying. I have read some of these posts, and it IS a lonely experience that only others with constant pain can know. When I was in the last doctor's office I went to, a man in his 60's and I got to talking and he said that his pain is so bad most times and he has thought of suicide. The doctor there just wouldn't prescribe what it takes. ( I personally think it is a result of the whole Elvis ordeal) I really felt bad for him and he had tears in his eyes. A few others in the room jumped in with their stories, and even though we were all strangers, we all got teary and understood what we were each going through. I will probably never see any of them again, but for an instance, we were all close in the soul. I am glad this topic is here so at least we can come here and now know that we are not alone. It is hard to handle it alone, because even my family gets tired of hearing about my pain, and tired of the times I have to take to my bed. I quit talking about it as much, because they don't really understand and it is going on 5 years. It IS an effort to just do the things that have to be done around here on some days. I do not have a helping husband like some of you. :(  He will help with our daughter's homework when his work schedule is on the week where he is home at night, but nothing else. I try my darndest to keep everything done, but it can be a struggle.  

  Anyways, I am just glad to express my feelings, even if no one reads this. Blessings to all who are living with pain everyday. 

 

I take the time to read all entries b/c i embarrasingly dont have much to do b/c i make my children pitch in and hubby too.  I know what u are feeling b/c I feel it too.  I am so sorry u r in pain and I will pray for u too.  My family gets aggiated with me alot b/c they have to do so much around here and I cant always help--my hubby doesnt know if he will come home to a home cooked meal every day b/c if i am hurting too bad I cant stand up to cook long.  We cant go may places or stay to long b/c i never know when my legs will give out.  It is truely a miserable life.  My kids sometimes hate me cause I cant do things w/ them or go where they wanna go so, my ex and his wife do alot of things with them that I wish i could do.  That makes me very sad.  They have never been to disney world & if & when we go I will be in a motorized wheelchair or hub around---that scares me to death.  I wont be able to enjoy it with them.  Yet the man who cheated on me cause of my condition will be able too.  THAT MAKES ME REALLY PISSED OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Anyway, I do understand u along with many ppl here. 

  

Wendy 

AKA SWEET2U  

 
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May 4, 2006, 12:28 pm CDT

BOTH YOUNG MOMS

Quote From: munchkin73

Hello all....I'm new here.  I just wanted to post and introduce myself.  I've read through a lot of the posts....and can I relate!  I'm 33 y/o, mother of 2 boys.  Married 2 years to my 2nd husband.  I've been living with chronic pain for over 3 years now.  I have a condition called pseudotumor cerebri, otherwise known as idiopathic intracranial hypertension.  It's kind of like the babies that have that have too much spinal fluid and their heads get huge....only as an adult, your head can't expand, so it puts pressure on your brain and nerves causing intense pain, depending on how high the pressure gets.  I also get migraines, but nothing compares to a high pressure headache.  My head hurts every day of my life.  Some days are better than others.  But my bad headaches can last for a week or more before the pressure goes back down.  It's hell.   

I've had these high pressure headaches as long as I can remember, but I never knew what they were.  They are so unbearable that nothing, and I mean nothing makes them go away, pain meds can help make them somewhat bearable, but if I let it get too bad before taking anything, then it's too late and nothing will help.  Then, in February of 2003, I woke up with one of these headaches and it never went away.  Bending over, coughing, sneezing, going to the bathroom all make it hurt worse.  I can't lay flat on my back or put my head down at all or it gets worse.  Beyond this, this disorder causes memory problems, problems with balance, numbness and tingling in the extremities, vision problems (some people lose their site), hearing problems (I've lost a lot of my hearing already), loud ringing in the ears, constant fullness in the ears like being in an airplane, among other things.  It's a somewhat rare, though underdiagnosed disorder.   

And like I've seen others mention, because nobody can see the pain and because I'm so young, I've had people accuse me of not wanting to work, being lazy, trying to get attention, drug seeking, etc, etc.  It's so miserable.  I've *always* been a positive person....somebody who goes after her dreams....somebody who works hard for what she wants....somebody who has more self-discipline than the average person.  I earned a masters degree in my 20's in less than 2 years!  I'm used to working hard, 60-70 hours per week in the medical profession!  So, to go from tliving my dreams and having my whole life in front of me to now unemployed, possibly facing disibility and trying to live with daily pain not knowing when or if this will ever go into remission is HUGE for me.  I don't want to live the rest of my life in pain!  I'm young!  I still have hopes and dreams I want to accomplish!!!  And to have loved ones accuse me of just not wanting to work when I'm having my dreams *crushed* by physical limitations is just devastating.   I've been putting off disability....that's not what I want.  I'm wanting desperately to work again....and to be 'normal' again.  But I don't know where life will take me.   

I know from reading other posts that I'm not alone.  It's not that I like other people having to go through this....but it is comforting to know that it's not just me.  I've often thought that there must be something wrong with me.  I guess because it can't be seen or measured, especially with something like headaches (though they've measured my intracranial pressure, which you *think* would be enough!).   

Thanks for listening to me whine.    

 

Hi, I  AM A 30 YR OLD MOTHER OF 3 YOUNG GIRLS AND I COMPLETLY UNDERSTAND YOU.  ALONG WITH DEGENERATIVE DISK DISEASE AND OTHER BACK PROBLEMS I HAVE A PROBLEM DOC S CANT FIGURE OUT AND IN TURN IT MAKES ME LOOK STUPID.  I GET REAL DIZZY AND FEEL LIKE I AN FLOATING AROUND, MY HEARING GETS IMPAIRED AND MY HEAD THROBS AND I JUST DONT FEEL THE SAME AS I DID BEFORE THIS SET IN.  ITS A FEELING I CANT EVEN DISCRIBE RIGHT.  THEY HAVE DONE AN MRI OF MY HEAD AND ITS NORMAL.  THE DOCS LOOK AT ME LIKE I AM CRAZY.  I THINK I AM GONNA END UP CRAZY IF PPL KEEP TREATING ME LIKE I AM CRAZY!  I TOO HAVE BEEN ACCUSED OF BEING LAZY, NOT WANTING  TO WORK, & THAT I AM ADDICTED TO PAIN MEDS.  I MAY NOW BE ADDICTED TO THEM CAUSE I BEEN ON THEM FOR YRS NOW BUT, I WASNT WHEN THEY WERE FIRST TELLING ME THESE THINGS.  I KNOW IT MAKES YOU FEEL BAD AND THINK POORLY OF YOURSELF BUT, THEY ARE NOT IN OUR SITUATION AND ARE IGNORANT TO HOW WE FEEL AND WHAT WE ARE GOING THROUGH.  SAD TO SAY BUT,  SOONER OR LATER THEY WILL BE SICK WITH SOMETHING AND UNDERSTAND, SAD THAT PPL MUST GET SICK TO UNDERSTAND US. YOU ARE IN MY PAYERS. 

 

WENDY 

AKA SWEET2U 

 
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May 4, 2006, 3:18 pm CDT

HEY, I AM NEAR YOU!

Quote From: cstand1

Hope you're ok after the 2nd hurricane. I'm not in Lake Charles, but I am in Denham Springs (Baton Rouge). If you're still looking for a buddy...drop an e-mail. cstand1@lsu.edu

HEY THERE, I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM NEAR YOU ON THE GONZALES-PORT ALLEN BORDER.  I WOULD LOVE TO TALK AND FIND OUT MORE ABOUT YOU.  EMAIL ME @  SWEET2U72875@YAHOO.COM 

 

WENDY 

 
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May 4, 2006, 3:24 pm CDT

WE ARE IN THE SAME CITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quote From: brailie

 I live in Gonzales La, not to far from you , and I too am strugling , I wish I could say my Butt off, but no its still there.LOL I need to loose a good 100 lbs and its the hardist thing in the world. In 1999 i had lost 90 lbs and was feeling great about myself, and then my dad took his life and mine went  right along with it. I am married with 4 step kids (that i have raised fo 14 years) and we have a 5 year old together.   I became a stay at home mom a year ago to be here more for the kids, and i thought OOOO i will get up every morning and exercise and i will look hot again in about a year.. NOT!! My two best freinds were also very overweight but they both had gastric bypass.. and now they are looking greeat. My ins will not pay for it.....They understand how I feel, but.... I am sure they want to leave the fat drama behind them, so i dont talk much about it to them anymore.  I would love someone to share the fat drama with.LOL   email me if interested  kymie01@eatel.net

 

HELLO!   

 

GUESS WHAT WE ARE REALLY  CLOSE TO EACH OTHER, WOULDNT IT BE FUNNY IF WE WERE NEIGHBORS--LOL--I HAVE STARTED WEIGHT WATCHERS AND I NEED HELP AND I CAN HELP YOU TOO.  I HAVE 60-65LBS TO LOOSE.  I KNOW HOW U FEEL TRUST ME.  I ALSO HAVE A KIDS  ALL GIRLS AGES 10, 8, 4--I KNOW LORD HELP ME!  ANYWAY PLEASE CONTACT ME:) 

 

WENDY 

 
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May 4, 2006, 3:29 pm CDT

I AM HERE!

Quote From: amber785

im in baton rouge louisiana near denham springs looking for female weight loss buddy

 

HELLO MY NAME IS WENDY AND I LIVE IN GONZALES.  I AM ALSO LOOKING FOR A FRIEND AND DIET BUDDY.   I WOULD BE HAPPY TO TALK TO YOU AND LEARN MORE ABOUT EACH OTHER.  EMAIL ME SWEET2U72875@YAHOO.COM 

 

LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU, 

WENDY 

 
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May 4, 2006, 4:31 pm CDT

AM I BI-POLAR???

 

HI, 

 I AM WENDY AND I AM VERY CONFUSED BECAUSE BEFORE THE YR 2000 I WAS OK SO I THINK ANYWAY MY HUBBY CHEATED ON ME SEVERAL TIMES AND FROM THAT POINT ON I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH ISSUES I NOW HAVE.  I AM NOW DIVORCED AND REMARRIED, I HAVE 3 KIDS FROM 1ST MARRIAGE AND I HATE HOW I TREAT MY FAMILY.  I GO OFF YELLING AND HITTING AND THROWING THINGS, IT GETS UNCONTROLLABLE THEN I FEEL BAD AND GUILTY.  I DONT KNOW WHAT MAKES ME GO OFF.  I AM ALWAYS DEPRESSED AND I HAT EHOW I LOOK, FAT ,UGLY AND I DONT KNOW WHY MY PRESENT HUSBAND EVEN SEES IN ME.  WE WENT TO COUNSELING BUT STOPPED BECAUSE I DIDNT LIKE WHAT SHE WAS TELLING ME, SHE WAS PUTTING ALL THE BLAME ON ME AND I HATED THAT.    I HAVE A PROBLEM NO ONE CAN SEEM TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IT IS, I AM VERY DIZZY MY HEAD HURTS I HAVE A WIERD FEELING THAT IS HARD TO DESCRIBE IT IS LIKE I AM FLOATING AROUND ON A CLOUD LIKE A HAZYNESS IS AROUND ME.   I STAY DEPRESSED AND EVEN TRIED TO KILL MYSELF IN 2004, OBVIOSLY UNSUCCESSFUL.  I STILL DO THINK OF SUICIDE TIME TO TIME.  I SLEEP ALOT AND I HATE GOING IN PUBLIC, I USED TO BE IN PUBLIC ALL THE TIME.  I WAS ALWAYS AN OUTGOING PERSON AND WHEN I THINK BACK TO WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I WAS HAPPY, TRUELY HAPPY IT WAS BEFORE I FOUND OUT MY 1ST HUSBAND CHEATED ON ME WITH PROSTITUTES WHICH I HAD TO GO GET HIM OUT OF JAIL FOR IT.  I CANT SEEM TO LET GO OF THE PAST, WHY AM I CLINGING ON TO MY PAST? WHY CANT I MOVE ON AND BE HAPPY?  IF ANYONE CAN HELP ME PLEASE DO EMAIL ME SWEET2U72875@YAHOO.COM 

 

CONFUSED & SAD, 

 

WENDY 

 
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May 5, 2006, 3:04 am CDT

Tried to email you but......

Quote From: cstand1

Hope you're ok after the 2nd hurricane. I'm not in Lake Charles, but I am in Denham Springs (Baton Rouge). If you're still looking for a buddy...drop an e-mail. cstand1@lsu.edu

 

Hey!  I just tried to email you and it would not go through, said email add not known.  Please email me at  sweet2u72875@yahoo.com   I am in the Gonzales area and too am looking for a wl buddy and friend. 

 

Wendy 

 
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August 15, 2006, 6:02 pm CDT

Gastric Bypass 7 yrs ago

I had gastric bypass 7 yrs ago, 1999. I was 24 yrs old and weighed 300lbs standing 5'7. I was miserable and could not do alot of things that people take for granted. My family was against the whole surgery even my husband, he liked me fat. I decided if insurance paid for it I would have it done if not then I wouldnt. Well, ins did pay, 100% in fact. I took it as a sign from God to do it. I stayed in the hospital for 7 days had 1 small complication, developed some fluid in my lungs, they fixed me up and I went home fine. In the hosp I had already lost 20lbs, of course I was excited. I kept losing fast and by the first 8 months I had lost 100lbs. I was 180lbs. I still was not at my goal of 150 but, I had stopped losing weight. I was very disappointed because other ppl lost more than me but, I just figured that was where my body wanted to be. In 2001 I had a tummy tuck to remove the sagging fat hanging on my legs from my stomach, It was bad. The tummy tuck was painless, I was surprised. I am overall happy with the surgery and weight loss however, it is only a quick fix. You still must learn how to eat right and less cause as I know you will/can fall into old habbits and the weight can be gained back. I had another child in 2001 before the tummy tuck and I gained 50 lbs with that pregnancy, I still have to lose it and we are in 2006 now. It is hard and I feel horrible about it. Anyway, if anyone has any questions feel free to contact me at sweet2u72875@yahoo.com

Good Luck, Wendy

 

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