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Messages By: kwindshawn

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April 8, 2006, 11:59 am CDT

Sick of it all

I agree with braveheart-lost her post when I logged in.  After one failed marriage (which I am glad) and one 2 1/2 year relationship that went bad, I am through as well.  I am tired of going years without dates and then finally getting one and investing so much time only to see that they never cared about me to begin with.  The last one was with a widower who couldn't let go of the deceased.  Sorry Dr. Phil, I do not agree with you that there is someone for everyone.  I am 40 years old and am no closer to finding him than I was when i was younger.  I believe my so called "soulmate" either married someone else, or is no longer with the living.
 
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April 8, 2006, 6:36 pm CDT

lost hope

Quote From: buddhagurl

I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL- MAYBE WE CAN HELP EACH OTHER HEAL OUR HEARTS? 

I AM 41 MYSELF AND I WONDER IF HE IS OUT THERE- SOMEWHERE- 

PLEASE WRITE ME - WE CAN 'HEAL' 'SUFFER' AND BE HAPPY TOGETHER-AND NOT HAVE TO DO IT ALONE-  MISS, YOU ARE NOT ALONE- SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE-BUT I KNOW I AM NOT- YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE- FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF AND KEEP WORKING ON YOURSELF AND YOUR TRUE HAPPINESS- WE LIVE IN A VERY SHALLOW WORLD- I DO NOT HAVE REALLY ANY FRIENDS-BUT LET US BE HERE FOR EACH OTHER- YOU ARE NOT ALONE- 

HOPE YOU SEE THIS -MA'AM 

ALISON 

Thanks for the encouragement.  I am really angry right now about the way men are.  I have done the online dating thing, and you know what?  As soon as you send a pic, they disappear.  So that tells me a lot about men in general.  You men who rely on looks only, deserve to be alone.  Unfortunately, it seems to me 95% of them think that way and the other 5% are married.  Not much to look forward to for the rest of us huh? After crying the first few weeks, I am now extremely angry about the cards I have been dealt.  I am wishing to be proven wrong someday, however I have lost almost all hope. It would be nice to find that special relationship, but I think it is a myth..... 

  

By the way, I have read the love smart book, and maybe I'm stupid, but I just don't get it..... 

 
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April 9, 2006, 4:52 pm CDT

Tired of Being Single

Quote From: kesler1982

Is their a book to teach guys how to date becusea i know nothing about dating? 

I don't know.  The only ones Ihave seen are dr. phil's book, and the other dating for dummies.  I haven't read the latter, so I don't know about it.  I haven't had much success either way.
 
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April 14, 2006, 4:51 pm CDT

Hell with it

Just recently I have decided to give it up.  I have resigned myself to staying alone and have just purchased a smaller house.  After reading all these messages and seeing how unhappy everyone is, it just makes it clear to me the whole dating thing is a waste of time.  From here on, life is on my terms-no more feeling sad about it-since I am 40 and "out of the game", so be it.
 
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April 14, 2006, 7:30 pm CDT

Dating sucks

Quote From: buddhagurl

I do not know your name-  I  am 41 years old myself-  Let us help each other- if you give me your private email- we can help each other NOT give up- I wanted to give up so many times myself-  but the desire to meet my  soul mate won't allow me to-

DON'T YOU DARE GIVE UP ON ME!!!!!!  smile-  it is tough out there and I know that better than anybody- so you ARE NOT TO GIVE UP-OK?

Email me?!

Alison

It's just not worth the effort to me.  I have spent a lot of time wondering what I did, and agonizing over why I am unable to catch him.  I really don't think there is one for me.  I would really like to find a good one, but it is too much to ask for.  I have lots of animals and a house to concentrate on now, and I have just decided to focus on that.  I'm tired of investing the time and emotion to have it turn to &%$# everytime.  So this is what I have decided to do to take care of me.  Friends are fine, but the serious stuff can wait for another lifetime.  Besides, the few postings I have read from the Canadian assure me I am doing the right thing for me.

Kiki

 
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April 15, 2006, 5:08 am CDT

Tired of Being Single

Quote From: buddhagurl

Hope you get this- Kiki- I know EXACTLY how you feel about the time and emotion-it takes a whole lotta hell outta me too-  BUT- YOU did NOT do anything wrong-  Did that help-

Take care of the animals and enjoy your new house-

Feel free to write me hear anytime-If you like - click on Buddhagurl and email me- We should write a book-  I totally agree that it is frustrating-But remember- wouldn't you rather be by yourself than with some one treats like*&%#**? 

Sadly- I can not give up - my desire is too damn strong- but I am taking care of myself and focusing on my life-

Enjoy your new home- be proud of it! 

If you want to email me to keep me updated- please do so- we can help each other!!!!!   SMILE!!!   Pet all your animals for me-  And if you by ANY chance meet a good catch- please share!   Most likely you will meet some one before I do!!  Just trying to cheer you up!!!  Kiki is a pretty name.

Alison

Thanks for the kind words.  I am ok with this whole thing.  With summer coming and all, there is plenty to keep me busy.  now is the time to have fun!!!!
 
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April 15, 2006, 5:09 am CDT

Tired of Being Single

Quote From: joshuaobas

at 40 u cant be out of the game. Life begins at 40 remember? keep in touch
Out of the dating game at least-there's still plenty of fun to be found!
 
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April 17, 2006, 3:22 am CDT

Tired of Being Single

Quote From: jadedman

I'm a 38 year old single man who has never been married. I've been looking and waiting TWENTY YEARS for the right woman and haven't found her yet. For all of you out there who are wondering, I can say from experience that online dating and dating services in general are a big SCAM. You send them your pic, profile, and money, then you NEVER GET PICKED. If we Americans had any sense, we'd put some of these abandoned business suites to good use, by turning them into "free neighborhood singles' centers", so we single people wouldn't have to figure out how to play a bunch of stupid games. Please don't feel sorry for me if you read this. I'll be glad if I steered just one person away from falling for these crooked cash mill dating services that prey on lonely people. I might still be lucky enough to meet my soulmate someday, but if I do, I can say straight out that it's not going to be the healthiest relationship possible. Too much trust has been destroyed for me to ever have a truly normal, loving relationship with a partner.

It's a shame you are this angry-I was there a few days ago and I still get that way from time to time.  No, this country doesn't care about it's lonely people or anything else for that matter.  All anyone here cares about is money. We live in a shallow world, and I have just decided to do the best with it.  I have been taken from those dating things too, but I have just decided to concentrate on the things I find important-my family, my animals, and making my corner a better place.  I do think that at our age it is a lot harder, but you know what?  Having been in a miserable marriage in the past, you're really not missing anything.  It's better to be single than put up with that crap. I know very few marriages that are truly happy-and they have times where they want to kill each other.  The fairy tale marriage of being happy does not exist.  How can two genders who are so different ever get along and live together?  That is one question I still don't get.  Dr. Phil's book has a lot of good pointers in it, but for me, it's just not that important anymore.  Concentrate on the friends and maybe sometime there will be a special someone who will come into your life.  But, don't take it out on her-she is just as confused and angry as you are-that is what I have learned from this site.  Making her "suffer" could destroy something potentially beautiful

By the way, I used to live in Cali myself-what part are you from?

 
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April 17, 2006, 5:58 pm CDT

Tired of Being Single

Quote From: nahmi2005

You sound so resigned to fail and sad, that doesn't seem like eternal optimism to me.  I just came out of a 3 week whirlwind online romance but was able to step off the track before the on-coming train turned me into pink mist mainly because of Dr. Phil's book, Love Smart.  I can't do anything about the other guy and his intentions, good or bad, but I am starting to listen to my gut instinct when it says 'this is going to hurt if you do this' or 'this feels okay."  When I'm not sure, I ask for help, something else I would never do before, people will help me.  People can only do to you what you let them do-it's been hard for me to learn to set healthy boundaries believe me.   I'll be the first to tell you that learning self-care and self-love is difficult if your parents didn't know the first thing about teaching their children that.   After 12 years of isolation and fear and at age 52, I've just stepped into the dating scene and the first two experiences have not been good-for them, both men convinced me that neither one deserves me.   I joined Match.com a month ago, and yeah like you say ideally I'd like to meet  a quality guy  face to face, but this is 2006, not 1806, and I'm glad cause women didn't have it all that great back in the day.  We have choices now that even our mothers didn't have.  So romance, honesty, trust, integrity, yeah those are good things to be optimistic about.   I'm about to buy a motorcycle and join some clubs and travel around the country because I can.  Buck up sweetheart you can do this.         
Sounds like a winner to me.  Who needs a man to be happy anyway?
 
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April 17, 2006, 6:00 pm CDT

Tired of Being Single

Quote From: nahmi2005

You sound so resigned to fail and sad, that doesn't seem like eternal optimism to me.  I just came out of a 3 week whirlwind online romance but was able to step off the track before the on-coming train turned me into pink mist mainly because of Dr. Phil's book, Love Smart.  I can't do anything about the other guy and his intentions, good or bad, but I am starting to listen to my gut instinct when it says 'this is going to hurt if you do this' or 'this feels okay."  When I'm not sure, I ask for help, something else I would never do before, people will help me.  People can only do to you what you let them do-it's been hard for me to learn to set healthy boundaries believe me.   I'll be the first to tell you that learning self-care and self-love is difficult if your parents didn't know the first thing about teaching their children that.   After 12 years of isolation and fear and at age 52, I've just stepped into the dating scene and the first two experiences have not been good-for them, both men convinced me that neither one deserves me.   I joined Match.com a month ago, and yeah like you say ideally I'd like to meet  a quality guy  face to face, but this is 2006, not 1806, and I'm glad cause women didn't have it all that great back in the day.  We have choices now that even our mothers didn't have.  So romance, honesty, trust, integrity, yeah those are good things to be optimistic about.   I'm about to buy a motorcycle and join some clubs and travel around the country because I can.  Buck up sweetheart you can do this.         
I also agree computers are teaching everyone to "forget" how to socialize one on one. It's only going to get worse.  At least this way, the rejection is not as bad....
 

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