Messages By: lisa0801

I don't quite understand the point in debating religion. A person's religion is simply their belief. It doesn't matter if some body else doesn't agree with it. It is like debating one's belief in ghosts and werewolves or Area 51 and the Moon landing.
People believe what they choose to believe. It works for them at some level, and as long as they aren't hurting any one else, who cares what their beliefs are? I think every one is entitled to have faith in whoever or whatever they choose.

I believe that I am just now waking up to the fact that  I have toxic people in my family. I may not have realized it yet, had it not been for my fiancee.
I have always lived with my Mother, who will be the subject of this post. She has been disabled since she was a young teenager. She left an abusive husband, with kids in tow, when I was about 10. I had a happy childhood, despite my Mother's financial difficulties.
I dropped out of school to get a job at age 17 to help my Mom with the financial burden. At the time, my older sister and her 1 yr old daughter were still living with us, as well as my younger brother.
Four years or so later, My Mom and I decided to move out of the house, because we couldn't stand living with my sister's new boyfriend. She had moved him in, and he was a bit of a tyrant. She had had another baby, a boy, and was pregnant with her third. My Mom, my brother, and myself moved into a 2 bedroom apt. and lived there for five years.
Fast forward to the present. A lot of other stuff in between, but the problem at hand is this...
My Mother has five children. I have been the only one of the five to take care of this woman for about 24 years. Her mobility has declined, slowly through the years, and she now requires care round-the clock. About 3 yrs ago, my boyfriend (soon to be husband), and I bought a house together. He accepted the idea of my Mom living with us, and so that's what we did.
Shortly before settlement on the house was over, my niece asked if she could live with us, too, because she was having trouble with her Mom. We discussed it, and at my Mother's prompting, said ok. I  offered her free board until she could get her job etc. going. She asked my fiancee and I if her boyfriend could stay with her, because his family was moving to another state, and he had no place to live. We stupidly agreed, but did ask for board from him. After we moved in, my younger brother, who was having marriage troubles, came to stay, too. Unfortunately, he had developed a severe problem with alcohol, and smoked quite a bit of marijuana. he was about to be divorced. We asked him to pay board, and to refrain from drinking or bringing illegal drugs into our home.
Things quickly spiraled out of control, needless to say. My nieces' boyfriend became my brother's "party buddy". Now I had two alcoholics in my house, as neither of them refrained from drinking in my house. Neither of them payed board, because neither of them bothered to work. My brother had a job for about three weeks at first, but then decided why work when other people can pay for me?
One day, I told my Mom that I couldn't take it any more, and it had to stop. Her response was, "But they have no place to go." She told me it would be mean to kick them out. So, I decided to try to reason with them. My niece's boyfriend told me point blank that he had no intention of ever working IN HIS LIFE because he could just live with other people. My fiancee told him he had to leave shortly thereafter. My niece threw a fit, saying that we were horrible, etc. and went to see her Mom. I talked to my sister about it, and she told my niece that she was no longer welcome at my house, and she should come home. That's what she did, and then my Mom told me how mean we were.
My brother moved into the room where my niece used to be. I guess he figured since it was more private there, he could smoke pot in there, and not be caught. Well, the smell of pot began permeating the house. When I came home from work one day, my house smelled like "Cheech and Chong's Up in Smoke". I threw a fit, and my Mom told me I was over-reacting.
A year after my brother moved in, I had three cars in front of my house that did not run, as a direct result of drunken driving. I could not keep him off the road, I could not stop his drinking or smoking. I talked to him repeatedly about it, all to no avail. At the end of our ropes, my fiancee and I asked him to leave, My Mom went off the deep end.
How dare we do that to him? He was having trouble, and we should help him. We are selfish. I am mean.
He let my Mom and me stay at his house before. (To which I replied, "Yes, but I went out of my way NOT to cause trouble for him or his wife.") She told me over and over how mean and selfish I was.
Finally, after being berated for about a week, I said to her, "Well, I think my brother was being mean and selfish to me. How come you didn't lay into him for it?" He was having trouble, was her reply. I should help him. My Mother is mad to this day that I threw him out.
Since that time, my niece and that boyfriend have split, she is going to college, now. I hate to admit it, but she is staying with us again, free of charge. My Mom pulled that one on me, too.
I have stopped working outside the home, as my Mom now requires round- the-clock assistance. I am basically on call 24-7 to her. My niece is 25 yrs old. The most she will do to help her Grandmother is get her a drink. I have had back problems on and off for about 5 years. About 2 months ago, my back went out. It made it very difficult to help my Mother in and out of bed, onto the toilet, etc. (she is a big woman) My niece never offered to help, nor did any of my siblings.
One day, it grabbed me so hard, I yelled in pain. My Mother reprimanded me like a child! "Do you have to yell like that!?" I said, "Yes, I do!" as I fell to the floor. My niece just sat on the sofa, as I laid on the floor, crying for 1 hr until my fiancee came home and helped me up. Needless to say, he wasn't too happy with them.
My Mom was on me to go to the Dr. for my back, so I went. He told me not to lift anything for 7 days, Ha,ha. As if that would happen. I told everyone what the Dr. said, but what was I doing one hr later? Lifting a 300 lb woman out of her chair as my niece watched me, telling me, "You're not supposed to lift stuff, you should call someone to come help you, or get JJ (my fiancee) to help you." The only person to come and help me was my older brother, who stopped by one day at 11:00 pm to help me get her to bed.
My Mom tells me every day that I need to get more exercise because I am out of shape. I need to strengthen my back, she says. She tells me what a terrible housekeeper I am. She calls my ideas for home decorating "stupid". If I am watching a television program that she doesn't like, she will talk through it, all about how stupid it is. I am getting married in October, and she even told me that I would look fat and ugly in my wedding pictures. 
My fiancee says that it disgusts him the way that my family treats me, especially my Mom. I have to say, I never really saw how bad it was until recently. I signed her up for for help with a home health aide. The home health aide is only at my house for 4 hrs a day, but my Mom still resists it. First, she tried getting up extra early, so that I would have to get her up before the lady arrived. Now, she's trying sleeping late, so the health aide and I sit around chatting for two of the four hours. All because she wants ME to do it. She won't let her put her on the toilet. If I say that I am going out, to the store, or what have you, she shoots me the dirtiest look. How dare I. But if my brother, or my niece want me to go somewhere with them, she doesn't mind being alone for 3-4 hours!
She tried to cancel my bridal shower, according to my sister. Because she didn't want to "sit around looking at" my fiancee's family. That's because my fiancee's family feels that he and I are being used.
Basically, she wants me to do what she wants. She has told me with her own mouth that wanting to live my own life is not an option. When I say, "I just want to live my own life, I'm 40!" she will say "Yeah, well, I didn't get to have my own life." I don't see what sense that makes. Sometimes I think she is losing it.
I am trying very hard to make things work in the house, but the tension is so high, now. I don't know what to do. But at least I got to vent it! :)

That is because we have a democratic system, and the majority vote changes laws. More people need to push for that to get it passed in their state. I know people who are not religious at all that oppose gay marriage, their belief is not faith-based, but still anti-gay marriage. In that case, it is another's belief, but not necessarily a religious belief.

I think that the government should address the issue by first, closing our borders until the immigrants that are already here are dealt with. Secondly, by expediting the process of becoming citizens for any illegals that wish to do so. Thirdly, by deporting any illegals that do not wish to become legal citizens, or are fugitives of justice.
While these things are being dealt with, perhaps they could come up with a more efficient way to process those coming in at the borders (legally), and re-open the borders then.

I don't think the majority would vote for that, lol.  Just as I don't think the majority would vote in Polygamy, either. But some people believe in that, too.

 Most laws are changed via majority vote in the Governing Body, not necessarily "popular" majority. One person doesn't make or change all the laws, that would be a Dictatorship. People vote in the candidates that support their views.

Also, many people are using the bible, as well as other religious texts,  to support the acceptance of all people, and to live peacefully together.

I din't say that gay marriage leads to polygamy, I said some people believe in it. I was actually responding to a comment about racism at the time...

I agree completely.

Thank you very much for your advice, and kind words. I am trying, now, not to fall for the usual guilt trips, etc. It is hard sometimes, to break out of a role I've been playing for years. I am going to assert myself more, and go do some things I haven't done in a while, (like read a book).
My Mother, I know isn't going to like it at first, but she will simply have to adapt and learn that I have my own life, too. I think in the end, we will all be better off... if I survive it, lol

I think that perhaps some people like to blame social injustices on religion because  there are no other "socially acceptable" groups to pin it on. You can't blame it on any other group, because that would be socially taboo. Religious groups are different. It is socially acceptable to attack and blame them for everything from politics to personal choice. I wonder who or what we will blame everything on when it becomes taboo to attack religion? I doubt it will be ourselves, as people always seem to need some kind of scapegoat.