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Messages By: philfan46

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May 7, 2006, 7:15 pm CDT

my experience's..on line!

I met some one on line, and he has turned out to be the most "special guy "that I have ever met in my life! He was evey bit of"what he said" on his profile. We talked on the phone for a month before we ever met in person. We hit it off right away, from that very first time that we talked on the phone! We fit like a"ball in a mitt"? It's almost.."I don't even know" how to explain it. It's a"gut feeling" that I have never had before? We are so much alike & have so much in common. Some how"I knew" when I met him, he was gonna be exactly like I thought he would be? I met him "two weeks ago" and he was exactly like I thought!!! He said the same thing about me? It is just...I can't put it into words? All we do is laugh, he is my"bestfriend". I respect him so deeply, it just gets better and better. And "I met him on line"!!!
 
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May 24, 2006, 6:41 pm CDT

Online Dating

Quote From: wildmoon

Right now I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of 8 months. I actually met him on a phone chat line and that is an interesting story all by itself. I only get to see him about 3 days a month. It is very tough but we both appreciate and cherish the time we do have and count the days til the next trip. For me I found it gave me a chance to really get to know him because we would make up for our lack of seeing each other by talking. I hope everything works out well for you.
Yes...I agree that...long distance relationships can be very promising:) I met some one on line who lives apprx three hr's from me. Yes it gets a bit hard, because he gets the weekends off...and I don't too often! It's going on three monthes that we have been seeing one another, we have only seen each other once since we met on the 'internet'. But we talk on the phone every single night for...no less then an hour:) It's amazing how much you can get to know some one on the phone??? We have gotten to be very close and it  keeps getting better:):)
 
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May 24, 2006, 6:55 pm CDT

Communication

Quote From: sublime40s

I have a major crush on my coworker. I know he likes me too, but I don't know if it's the same way I've come to feel about him. People...I am a 45 year old mother, I own my home, I've been divorced, I've LIVED.....and when I'm around him I feel like a 12 year old. When he makes a flirtatious joke, I can't even speak my heart is beating so hard. He's so adorable and cute [and 57...lol. We are both single BUT we work together closely, almost every day [so if we get involved it could be difficult at work. Do I feel this way just because of the atmosphere [our group is like family and we joke and flirt a lot and seeing him every day..or is it more? The few times I've been able to talk with just me and him, we have so much in common. I dream about this man! HELP .... Dr. Phil, could you give Billy a note for me saying "Do you like me, check yes or no" [ya'll do know I'm joking about that...right? 

Hey..I think that is so cute!! Nothing wrong with you..girlfriend:):) 

I'd say..GO FOR IT!! But you'll just have to find a way to"keep things in check"!! Cause.. conflict of interest can get to the best of us??? SO.....you go girl!!! 

 
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June 1, 2006, 6:18 pm CDT

Good For You!!

Quote From: sublime40s

I think I will! Where else am I going to meet a man who's proven to be a decent guy AND we have a lot of the same interest!
Hey...good to hear that you are gonna go for it!!!! Please keep me informed of...how things are going? I will be looking forward to hearing about it...you go girl:):):)
 
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July 2, 2006, 6:40 pm CDT

Friendships

One of the most important things that I'm learning in this relationship that I'm currently in, is the importance of the friendship involved. I never even new what that meant till..recently. You can have the chemistry still and the feelings that go along with it, but the getting to know each other is so important. People tend to wanna jump clear to third base, and not bother.. getting to first:)  

There are necessary steps, that I found to be beneficial..in not being in a hurry! At times I wanna just throw in the towel and say...screw it:) Timing.. is so of thee essence! One of the biggest draw backs in my situation is, that he lives 2& half hr's from me:( So we don't get alot of time together. We are working on..four monthes in to a relationship. We are so much on the same page, have alot in common & so incredibly compatible, sexually. We are so in sinc when we are together, it's almost uncanny? Dr Phil has taught me so much. I know what he means when he say's," you have to get real & honest with yourself?". Changing from the inside out? It's a full time job making all these changes..but its so worth it! I'm 47 yrs old and I have never been in love or ever in a healthy relationship, looking back in retrospect! I owe it all to Dr. Phil!!  

   

   This relationship that I am in now. I have learned so much, being patient , having fun together and laughing. Being yourself is number one! If this is what love is like...WOW. I need to pinch myself!  

 
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July 3, 2006, 8:29 pm CDT

Communication

Quote From: sunnywulf

He is right, when he says that you want to change his personality! The burden is all on your shoulder! The one who has to change is you, not him. And if you can't handle and accept this then he is not the right man for you. If you don't change, he will sooner or later break-up with you.

I betcha that this is a huge problem in your realtionship, BUT the problem is not that he hangs out with other women, the real problem is that  you don't trust him and are very controlling and possesive!

You talk to him first and last thing each day in a LD relationship??? Gee, you act as if you own him! Give him some space and learn to share him with others. But what really shocks me is that you even go to the extreme to snoop through his stuff! And after finding any evidence, you are still suspicious. You have serious trust issues, my dear!! BTW, if I were your BF and found out about it, I would instantly break-up with you, because snooping through my email and pphone is the biggest offense and sign of mistrust. If a GF does not trust me, there is no solid basis for a relationship. The funny thing is that people are so offended when the government intrudes your privacy, but people have no scruple to do it on a much smaller scale with their spouses each day!

Another thing... In Europe it is perfectly normal to have friends from the opposite sex. However, here in the US many girls have big issues with that. I stopped seeing quite a number of girls, because they had the exact same mindset as you. And platonic female friends withdrew because they felt it is not appropriate to hang out when they have a boyfriend. A friend is a friend, no matter if it the same or the opposite sex.

If you want to make this realtionship work, YOU have to change.
I have to agree with you on that issue. I used to be the same way. You have to give them their space and allow them to be...themself? Holding on too tightly will only push them away, it's being..clingy, men don't want a women like that. You each need your own time away from each other to allow individuality...much needed! Trust is something you either have..or don't have? Insecurities will take a toll of the relationship, so I would take the advice...cuz I have been their..done that. I learned the hard way.   Good luck to you!
 
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September 11, 2006, 8:35 am CDT

Forty something

Quote From: marihop60

I'm smarter now about what to do and not do. I know what I want, although I am settling for less right now. At least at this age I KNOW I'm settling!!

Yeah...I know more now than ever before. I had to go through hell to get here..tho:) I have been single for almost four yr's.. now. I had a relationship for about four monthes, with some one that I met on line. Well..I thought that I had met my soul mate? Turns out that he was living with some one the whole entire time!! It has been the only relationship that I've had.

I would really like to meet "my soulmate", it seems that they don't exist? All the men on line seem to just want to.."get laid"??? I'm so sick of it.

  Why can't I just find someone who is genuine? ..where is he?:):)

 
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September 11, 2006, 7:16 pm CDT

Been their..done that!

Quote From: lucycunning

I am 51 years old, divorced twice.  First time after a 25 year marriage, second time after a 1 year marriage.  I am currently living with my boyfriend of 1 year.  During this year together, we have been through a lot and have survived pretty well.  We seem to have been able to work things out and stay on track.  The one issue that will not go away is his lying to me and I am at my wits end over it.  He is an alcoholic.  He says he knows it and says he can conquer it without help from anyone or any organization.  He did go to a couple of counseling sessions with me, but has now told me that he won't go to any more because it's always just the same thing over and over and he gets nothing out of it.  He says he has quit drinking completely, but has said this before and I eventually found out that he was sneaking drinks every chance he got.  i was out of state for the summer and we made a deal that I would only return home if he got help and quit for real.  He agreed to quit but not get help.  The whole time I was away, he swore he never took a drink.  I was suspicious a couple of times during phone conversations, but he adamantely denied drinking.  Since I have returned home, I have discovered that he was indeed drinking on those occasions (and probably more).  When i confront him about it, he denies denies denies.  He will not come clean.  I don't know what to do about the lying.  I am willing to help him kick the alcohol habit, and was totally committed to that until I caught him lying about it once again.  Now I don't know if I'm just being a fool to stay around when I know he lies to me.  Would sure love some good advice.

My advice to you would be...tell him to leave!

I was with an alcoholic for ten years. It almost ruined my life! He isn't gonna change. He needs to be on his own..or he won't get help. You are being his enabler!! He can quit drinking if he really wants to? I always say"..when there's a will..there's a way!!

In the time that I was with mine, I became an alcoholic, too. My whole life was a night mare, I moved away and got my life together..thank's to Dr. Phil's books. I'm more together now than ever!!

The more you try to help him..the worse it will get. He has to do this on his own, trust me? You need to use "tough love"..and stick to your guns!! You can do it:):)

Good luck to you..my friend!

 
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January 8, 2007, 6:18 pm CST

Dating, in this day and age

 Here's my  scenerio..
Been doing the on line dating for about a year now. I'm 47 years old, very young at heart. Been told that I could pass for late thirties. I have a great sense of humor and have been told that I'm a lot of fun to be with:)...so, whats my problem? Well, I don't understand men these days! A majority of all the men that I chat with on line?...it's all about getting ..laid! Are their any men that want you for more than just...SEX? Am I missing some thing..here?. And.."Yes" I'm a very attractive lady to go along with it..too:) But..I can't seem to even get a date, let alone finding "Mr Right"!!.
It is getting rather discourging, if I might say!  Also, men don't seem to wanna make the first move..in asking you to go out!! It seems to be.."you ask".them out!. I don't like to be the chaser...I want to be the one who is chased? Any helpful hints..on what I my need to change?..damn..any kinda advice will be welcomed!
 
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March 11, 2007, 12:17 pm CDT

Dating after 40

 I'm 47 and have been on Yahoo Personals for awhile. It seems that most of the men my age want  some one who is way younger..like in their 20's!  Nothing wrong with that I guess, if you don't mind being on a childs level..lol. They must be going through menapause?..lol. I'm not having the best of luck as yet, but I'm not gonna settle , I'm too valuable and want what I want. I might have to wait awhile but I'm learning as I wait! I'm reading Love smart..again. It is amazing how much you miss..the second time around? I'm learning from it again!  I feel at this age amazingly great, knowledge, wisdom & understanding are so much in my life, than ever before! I like who I have become at this age, it just gets better and better:)
 

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