Messages By: vlwc57

I'm a SAHM who's husband makes a 6 figure salary.  He's asked for reciepts and if I ask for even $10  cash for the month I had to totally justify the $10 with reciepts AND an explaination. NO DEBT.  Just a very small mortgage that will be paid off 20 years early.  He wants to retire when he's 50 so he justifies being "stingy" with HIS money.  I had to fight (with the marital counselor) to get my name on the bank accounts.  So, he started hiding money in a SECRET account.    We live well below our means.  No one would even guess that we're worth 1/2 million dollars in our 30s.    We have only 1 child who is not in the least bit "spoiled." 

I am interested in seeing how this wife is with the money.  I am a thrifty person and quite good with managing money.  I'm not a spender.   I dont' wear jewelry or designer clothes.  I don't have a closet full of clothes (I've got 10 hangers in the closet).  My husband says that he has to keep a tight fist on the finances or I'd spend it all.  Its a totally unjustified opinion since I've ALWAYS kept within a budget and have never tried to keep up with the jones'.   

 For years he would tell me to stop spending...we couldn't afford it.  I, of course, couldn't understand what in the h--- he was talking about since I don't spend anything!)   He's made me justify taking my son to the doctors because of the cost (we have EXCELLENT insurance). There have even been emergencies that our son, or I, needed to go to ER and he's argued with me about going.  Now, I simply take my son if he needs to go and deal with the consequences.  Unfortunately, I have a non curable chronic illness which, after insurance, costs us about $1000 a year because of MRI's, CAT scan's,  therapy and medication.  This, again, is another reason why I should be greatful for everything I get...according to my husband.  

We have been on the brink of divorce for 2 years now mostly because of the financial control he exerts on me. .  People think that couples wouldn't fight about money if they had money.  That's just not true.   I made 1 late payment on my student loan 10 years ago.  I was single, struggling to get established after college.  Because of that, I'll be hearing I'm "bad with money" for my entire lifetime.    

I can really sympathize with you on this subject.  My husband complains that he pays ALL the household bills, etc.  and that I am "using him".  I have worked for 20 years in a "joint" business that we had for no pay at all!!!  That was untile we sold it 3 years ago.  He horded the profits and "hid" money from the sale of the business.  I found some cash that he had hidden in his glove box at one time.  It had come from his parents safe where they had "hidden" part of the "cash" for him.  I never had the guts to confront him of this.  As he would deny it anyway!!!  He would buy things and I would ask him where he got "that" kind of money and he said one time "I worked it out"!   Well, where was MY "working out" cash for all them years.    

When he got bent out two weeks ago about him paying for all the bills, etc. I reminded him of how I have always worked, but never got paid for doing it.  I iron, wash, cook good meals, keep the house clean, etc.  His answer was, "then stop, I can take care of myself!" 

I just am not sure what to do at this point.  I cannot get over this situation.  It eats at me night and day!  I wish I had the means to go to college and take some classes.  I tried that one time and took ONE course, and was told to stop.  That I had had enough of that!   

We have been married almost 32 years, and since I stayed at home with the kids when they were little, and then worked in our business for 20 years, I have not had much education.  I am just not sure what to do or how to handle this craziness.