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Messages By: kramos


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worried
September 4, 2007, 9:19 am CDT

I have a 9 & 11 year old with bipolar disorder

My son is 9 years old and has been hospitalized twice for suicide attempts and does have "black out" rages.  He started with "night terrors" when he was 9 months old.  Trust me there is nothing worse than holding a child for anywhere from 45 minutes to 4 hrs with that child in a complete rage and sound asleep and you can't do anything but wait for that child to wake up and pray he doesn't remember the dream that threw him into that state.  With the research that I have done on night terrors in bipolar children they actually go through the entire nightmare that the average person would wake up from, knowing that makes it all the more scary to know that they are watching themselves die in a brutal fashion and there is nothing you can do but wait.  I don't mean to get so graffic, but it is reality.  I have lost friends and family members because of the ignorance of thinking it is bad parenting when it's not.  My son was diganosed with bipolar/ADHD at the age of 5 and my daughter was diagnosed with bipolar/ADD at the age of 6 and even with the diagnoses those family and friends told me that I was just looking for a reason to explain my parenting and I just wasn't strict enough. 

 

I married a man of which I knew nothing about his family mental history and my mom was bipolar and sick my whole life, and my children are paying for my bad choices.  Having said that, we have used any and every resource we could find (my current husband and I) and now my son is almost finally leveled off between meds,wrap around programs, hospitalization and intense therepy with some of the best child psychologists in the US (Demetri Popolos in New York, the man that discovered childhood onset bipolar disorder, is friends with and has been consulted by our couselor regarding my children, so when I say the best I mean the best) and hopefully my son will be able to return to a real public school in about 2 years.  My daughter got off much easier she has been under control with meds for 4 years.  However, if I really was a bad parent I would not have two honor roll students and making progress and strides we thought they would never make.

 

I guess the point I am trying to make is don't be so quick to judge the parents, I have seen so many kids struggle just because the parents can't handle the truth and just say "oh they'll grow out of it".  If more parents of kids with problems would just get past their own feelings and concentrate on their children maybe our jails wouldn't be so full.  Yes it is a lot of work to get through raising a child with any types of diabilities or problems and trying to deal with your own feelings too, but if you decide to have children then you need to do anything you can do to ensure that that child or children have the best quality of life they can have no matter what it takes or what you as a parent have to sacrafice.  There has been times where my husband and I have discussed selling our dream home to move to a smaller house so I can stay home with my kids to make sure they are in a consistant environment and this isn't even the childrens biological father.  As it was we pushed up our wedding date a year and just eloped so I could take a job from home that did not include medical benefits.  I know this is getting long, but my point is you do what ever it takes to do for your kids. 

 

What helped me get through my feelings with the situation I was dealt came after I read Dr. Phil's Family First and  Robin's book and decided to quit feeling sorry for myself and put what I have learned into a group of people that all have children with some kind of disability whether it be mental or physical, this has helped so much and now I can say I am very proud of the strides my children have made in working their individual programs and thriving in them. 

 

This group of people have started progams for the kids in our area that cater to their disability.  We have a baseball team, soccer team, bowling leagues, special olympics and music lessons.  We also have massage therapists, chiroprators, and beauticians and barbers that all specialize in dealing with "Special Kids".  I volunteer as a coach for my kids soccer team and I also hope to get more involved with the baseball team this year.  There is also one special lady in this group who is trying to get a center built in our area to act as a total resource center for both our kids and ourselves for what ever we need whether it be legal advice on dealing with the school district to respite care for parents who just need an hour to themselves to animal therapy, she is hoping to have both dogs and horses for the kids to enjoy.

 

So I guess in a nut shell it is better to get involved with your kids then just hope they grow out of it, you just have to know and use your resources around you and if you can't find them, start your own.  Your children will appreciate it so much.  Even if it gets worse before it gets better there is light at the end of the tunnel and you have to hang in for the long haul for your childrens sake, NO MATTER WHAT!

 

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ecstatic
September 4, 2007, 9:46 am CDT

I originally put this in the wrong place...sorry

Quote From: graciemay34

I can't believe Dr Phil didnt say anything about ODD ( Oppositional Defiant Disorder)

 

You know, I had problems getting help for my daughter and I heard some of the same BS that I am reading here. "It's the way she was raised", or " She's just a BAD kid". "You should take a belt to her"..This coming from other parents as well as her school. NOBODY would help me. (I too wrote Dr Phil) Out of desperation I started searching the net for a summer camp for kids with behavioral problems, hoping this would help.   While I was searching I  found a web site on ODD. The signs and symptoms of this disorder fit my daughter to a T.  During her freshman yr of High School, I finally found a principal who listened to me. I gave him the print-outs I had on ODD and he researched it on his own. FINALLY I found someone to help me and my daughter. My child is a totally differenty person now. 

 

Dr Phil , this little boy acts like a child with ODD. If not treated the behavior becomes worse. I wouldn't dare claim to be smarter than you, BUT I AM a mom who has been there done that.

 

Google it folks.

 

 

 

I am happy to see that you stuck with your child with determination, there needs to be more moms like us in this world.

 

Way to go Mom...Children first!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

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blank
September 4, 2007, 10:02 am CDT

09/04 Violent Kids

Quote From: fyre98

For the offenses Cole has committed against the animals alone he should be thrown in a detention centre....That behavior is inexcusable.
Oh yeah, he'll get a lot of help there...ignorance is bliss
 

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blank
September 4, 2007, 10:07 am CDT

09/04 Violent Kids

Quote From: ceildh1

I think all parents have heard our three year old, and sixteen year old say "I hate you, "  "you're Mean", "I'm never talking to you again", "I'm going to run away " whatever, few of us get death threats loged against us by our own children.  The above statements are normal (I swear if I don't hear one of the above once a week, I feel like I'm failing them somehow ).

"I want to die", "I'm going to F****** kill you ", NOT NORMAL, these are not the normal cries of a kid angry with his/her parents, teachers, friends or siblings.

I agree, but for the grace of God (and I'm agnostic, go figure) go I, both of my sons were diagnosed with ADHD and my youngest has it coupled with other learning problems, the boy I work closely with at the school has a whole host of disorders, along with parental rejection and he has threatened to kill his Mother's boyfriend for splitting the family, not to mention the violent outburst that had him almost expelled from school, why ? He almost throttled another child for "Looking at him".

We'll see tommorrow, but I am willing to bet my rent, that these children feel terrible and guilty for these outbursts, could be wrong, but the kids I know (and they are all different, I know ) have the ability to KNOW what they do is upsetting and hurts others, but when it happens, that part of their brain seems to switch off momentarily, this is what makes them a danger to themselves and others, in the heat of the moment they don't seem capable of turning off the rage, and sometimes by the time they do, its too late, someone gets hurt, and then the other centres kick in and so does the guilt.

The Doc will get them the help they need, and I do hope these parents know that they will be getting a gift, their child with intensive treatment will probably be able to have a healthy life, free of the rage that binds him.  See in these cases I am an optimist, I can never see a child as a lost cause.

 

I always like to read someone who "Gets It"...from a parent with children with bipolar ADD/ADHD it is nice to not see ignorance not failing the children
 

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blank
September 11, 2007, 1:11 pm CDT

I have a 9 & 11 year old with bipolar disorder

 

My son is 9 years old and has been hospitalized twice for suicide attempts and does have "black out" rages.  He started with "night terrors" when he was 9 months old.  Trust me there is nothing worse than holding a child for anywhere from 45 minutes to 4 hrs with that child in a complete rage and sound asleep and you can't do anything but wait for that child to wake up and pray he doesn't remember the dream that threw him into that state.  With the research that I have done on night terrors in bipolar children they actually go through the entire nightmare that the average person would wake up from, knowing that makes it all the more scary to know that they are watching themselves die in a brutal fashion and there is nothing you can do but wait.  I don't mean to get so graffic, but it is reality.  I have lost friends and family members because of the ignorance of thinking it is bad parenting when it's not.  My son was diganosed with bipolar/ADHD at the age of 5 and my daughter was diagnosed with bipolar/ADD at the age of 6 and even with the diagnoses those family and friends told me that I was just looking for a reason to explain my parenting and I just wasn't strict enough. 

 

I married a man of which I knew nothing about his family mental history and my mom was bipolar and sick my whole life, and my children are paying for my bad choices.  Having said that, we have used any and every resource we could find (my current husband and I) and now my son is almost leveled off between meds,wrap around programs, hospitalization and intense therepy with some of the best child psychologists in the US (Demetri Popolos in New York, the man that discovered childhood onset bipolar disorder, is friends with and has been consulted by our couselor regarding my children, so when I say the best I mean the best) and hopefully my son will be able to return to a real public school in about 2 years.  My daughter got off much easier she has been under control with meds for 4 years.  However, if I really was a bad parent I would not have two honor roll students and making progress and strides we thought they would never make.

 

I guess the point I am trying to make is don't be so quick to judge the parents, I have seen so many kids struggle just because the parents can't handle the truth and just say "oh they'll grow out of it".  If more parents of kids with problems would just get past their own feelings and concentrate on their children maybe our jails wouldn't be so full.  Yes it is a lot of work to get through raising a child with any types of diabilities or problems and trying to deal with your own feelings too, but if you decide to have children then you need to do anything you can do to ensure that that child or children have the best quality of life they can have no matter what it takes or what you as a parent have to sacrafice.  There has been times where my husband and I have discussed selling our dream home to move to a smaller house so I can stay home with my kids to make sure they are in a consistant environment and this isn't even the childrens biological father.  As it was we pushed up our wedding date a year and just eloped so I could take a job from home that did not include medical benefits.  I know this is getting long, but my point is you do what ever it takes to do for your kids. 

 

What helped me get through my feelings with the situation I was dealt came after I read Dr. Phil's Family First and  Robin's book and decided to quit feeling sorry for myself and put what I have learned into a group of people that all have children with some kind of disability whether it be mental or physical, this has helped so much and now I can say I am very proud of the strides my children have made in working their individual programs and thriving in them. 

 

This group of people have started progams for the kids in our area that cater to their disability.  We have a baseball team, soccer team, bowling leagues, special olympics and music lessons.  We also have massage therapists, chiroprators, and beauticians and barbers that all specialize in dealing with "Special Kids".  I volunteer as a coach for my kids soccer team and I also hope to get more involved with the baseball team this year.  There is also one special lady in this group who is trying to get a center built in our area to act as a total resource center for both our kids and ourselves for what ever we need whether it be legal advice on dealing with the school district to respite care for parents who just need an hour to themselves to animal therapy, she is hoping to have both dogs and horses for the kids to enjoy.

 

So I guess in a nut shell it is better to get involved with your kids then just hope they grow out of it, you just have to know and use your resources around you and if you can't find them, start your own.  Your children will appreciate it so much.  Even if it gets worse before it gets better there is light at the end of the tunnel and you have to hang in for the long haul for your childrens sake, NO MATTER WHAT!

 

I know this is the second time I have posted this, but I hope that this will enspire someone or help them in a desperate situation

 

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blank
September 11, 2007, 1:26 pm CDT

I Love My Kids No Matter What!!!

My son is 9 years old and has been hospitalized twice for suicide attempts and does have "black out" rages.  He started with "night terrors" when he was 9 months old.  Trust me there is nothing worse than holding a child for anywhere from 45 minutes to 4 hrs with that child in a complete rage and sound asleep and you can't do anything but wait for that child to wake up and pray he doesn't remember the dream that threw him into that state.  With the research that I have done on night terrors in bipolar children they actually go through the entire nightmare that the average person would wake up from, knowing that makes it all the more scary to know that they are watching themselves die in a brutal fashion and there is nothing you can do but wait.  I don't mean to get so graphic, but it is reality.  I have lost friends and family members because of the ignorance of thinking it is bad parenting when it's not.  My son was diagnosed with bipolar/ADHD at the age of 5 and my daughter was diagnosed with bipolar/ADD at the age of 6 and even with the diagnoses those family and friends told me that I was just looking for a reason to explain my parenting and I just wasn't strict enough. 

 

I married a man of whom I knew nothing about his family mental history and my mom was bipolar and sick my whole life and my children are paying for my bad choices.  Having said that, we have used any and every resource we could find (my current husband and I) and now my son is almost leveled off between meds, wrap around programs, hospitalization and intense therapy with some of the best child psychologists in the US (Demetri Popolos in New York, the man that discovered childhood onset bipolar disorder, is friends with and has been consulted by our counselor regarding my children, so when I say the best I mean the best) and hopefully my son will be able to return to a real public school in about 2 years.  My daughter got off much easier she has been under control with meds for 4 years.  However, if I really was a bad parent I would not have two honor roll students and making progress and strides we thought they would never make.

 

I guess the point I am trying to make is don't be so quick to judge the parents, I have seen so many kids struggle just because the parents can't handle the truth and just say "oh they'll grow out of it".  If more parents of kids with problems would just get past their own feelings and concentrate on their children maybe our jails wouldn't be so full.  Yes it is a lot of work to get through raising a child with any types of disabilities or problems and trying to deal with your own feelings too, but if you decide to have children then you need to do anything you can do to ensure that that child or children have the best quality of life they can have no matter what it takes or what you as a parent have to sacrifice.  There have been times where my husband and I have discussed selling our dream home to move to a smaller house so I can stay home with my kids to make sure they are in a consistent environment and this isn't even the children’s biological father.  As it was we pushed up our wedding date a year and just eloped so I could take a job from home that did not include medical benefits.  I know this is getting long, but my point is you do what ever it takes to do for your kids. 

 

What helped me get through my feelings with the situation I was dealt came after I read Dr. Phil's Family First and Robin’s book and decided to quit feeling sorry for myself and put what I have learned into a group of people that all have children with some kind of disability whether it be mental or physical, this has helped so much and now I can say I am very proud of the strides my children have made in working their individual programs and thriving in them. 

 

This group of people has started programs for the kids in our area that cater to their disability.  We have a baseball team, soccer team, bowling leagues, Special Olympics and music lessons.  We also have massage therapists, chiropractors, and beauticians and barbers that all specialize in dealing with "Special Kids".  I volunteer as a coach for my kid’s soccer team and I also hope to get more involved with the baseball team this year.  There is also one special lady in this group who is trying to get a center built in our area to act as a total resource center for both our kids and ourselves for what ever we need whether it be legal advice on dealing with the school district to respite care for parents who just need an hour to themselves to animal therapy, she is hoping to have both dogs and horses for the kids to enjoy.

 

So I guess in a nut shell it is better to get involved with your kids then just hope they grow out of it, you just have to know and use your resources around you and if you can't find them, start your own.  Your children will appreciate it so much.  Even if it gets worse before it gets better there is light at the end of the tunnel and you have to hang in for the long haul for your children’s sake, NO MATTER WHAT!

 

 

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blank
October 19, 2007, 10:36 am CDT

You just described my life

Quote From: shawnylou

My lil 8 year old boy has the best smile on earth and the most precious face. He has been talking steadily since he was born making all sorts of sounds and babble ,he has the imagination of a future author to be and can go to any world in his mind. His large motor skills are beyong those of his age, his small motor skills are behind by at least 2-3 years and he is just starting to learn to read. He has just learned to hold a pencil.

This is his DX: He is BI-POLAR, Attachment disorder, ODD, and possibly early on-set shizophrenia. Is there a possibility if border line autism? Maybe. He has a high IQ and is cunning.

He has serious asthma and is on madications for that is advair, albuteral zyrtac and a nose spray nasennex.[ he has a nebulizer when things get too bad  In psychiatric meds, he has lamictal ,clonidine  Seroquel and when he gets so violent he will kill you and anyone he comes in contact with, we do GIVE HIM ketamine *K*  as the physicians call this hard medication. He is alergic to everything as  is his brother. he is an active kid and loves the outdoors and bike and rides and runs around and screams and plays harder than most. His older brother age 13 is not violent and is calm and .

The 8 year old is in a special school with a room if he acts up that is padded for the school staff to put him into so he does not hurt himself or anyone else.

Remember he is a precious child when not inflamed with hate and anger fear.

he has beat me and kicked me so hard I had bruises on my legs for weeks and at times I am scared to pieces of him. I am unable to take him to church because of his un-predictability and he would scare the lil ones to pieces. He has hardly any friends in the neighborhood. He never has anyone show up to his birthday party. He will fight just about anyone and threaten them with their lives.

My husband and I cannot leave him with a regular sitter, we have to have professioanl sitters who know how to handle this kid and NOT hurt him and know how to restrain him accordingly.  WE had CPS called on us at a lab one time because we had to restrain him for a blood draw and the lab tecnician refised to draw blood from the child because he was afraid of the child and so I threatened his job and he came back at me. CPS came in and knew about the child and said " Oh this lil guy"  I get the bruises and the child is fine. For all blood draws now they sedate him. For teeth fillings they use anesthesia and for me they use " Oh honey we admire you" really?

I /we do not want to lose this child and we struggle daily to weekly to hold on tight to this human being who we know can turn out to be a bit different in many ways. he is very VERY violent and yet he can be a pussy cat too. We do not keep any guns in the house, we would be dead by now and knives are carefully maintained. We have 4 cats and one dog. When he gets angry we have taught him if he hurts an animal we call the police. We have called the police on hurting humans and have had to call them when he refused to take his meds when he tore the hosue apart from one end to the next. A piece of dust set him off. CPS is now looking into respite care for my husband and I so we can go out once a month.. maybe. I trust no one with him , he is hard to handle and if he got hurt I would come apart. OR for that matter if anyone else got hurt I would come apart.. hell this is hard...

I just want you to know that you are not alone, my 9 year old little precious child is exactly the same as what you describe your child to be.  I know how lonely it is not to mention frustrating and consuming.  I have written to Dr. Phil several times asking for his help and I pray every day that he answers me some day.  I would love to get my son into the hospital in Texas he talked about last night, but since I can't work (due to my son's condition and not being able to put him in daycare at all) money is very tight and we need our prayers answered to be able to get my baby the help he needs.

 

Hang in there and just love him as much as you can.  I know how hard it can be at times but when nothing else works that's all that is left as well as prayer.  So many people don't understand that majority of these kids that have these problems do come from loving, caring homes and not an abusive mess.  I have done everything I can between couseling, hospitalizations, police visits, wrap around programs, special schools, and run ins with CPS that I am at the end of my rope.  And not having family support due to ignorance is the worst.  I have one friend left and my husband, other than that I pretty much have no other interaction because everyone has disappeared because of my need to vent to people and they all got tired of hearing about it.

 

Yes it is hard!!!!!!!! 

 

 

 

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angry
October 23, 2007, 6:39 pm CDT

It is the worst

Quote From: lynnkimm

  I wish that the husband who wasn't with his wife after a miscarrage would wake up.

  My heart goes out to her.  Life is so short. WE all need to live for today!  However, learn to forgive one another is the greatest gift.

I gave birth to a 31 week old still born daughter in the hospital all by myself while my (now) ex husband was home calliing 976 #'s.  Then I had to fight with the hospital by myself that was accusing me of being a drug addict because the baby was deformed in so many ways and I have a high tolerance for pain medication.   I can totally relate to the abandonment issues related with such a tramatic experience.  My dad came and picked me up the next day after my stupid ex finally decided to call my family to let them know what was going on.  It took me a year to get over that one and acctually become a fully functioning person again.  That story is only the tip of the ice berg, my 8 years with a sex addict and a compulsive liar was a complete nightmare...he was so sociopathic it was unreal, he actually believed his own lies.  If I had thought to keep a journal I could have made a fortune selling the story to Lifetime, and his current (new) wife hasn't got a clue she thinks I'm the one that is nuts.
 

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frustrated
February 24, 2008, 8:35 pm CST

It Only Gets Worse

I was married to a man for 8 years and if he wasn't on the internet, phone, or movies he was cheating for real.  Guys like this never get enough and they will not stop no matter what the cost.  Him and I had 2 kid's together and that wasn't enough to stop anything.  We were averaging $1300.00 phone bills, $250.00 cable bills and I couldn't even turn my computer on when my kid's were around because of the pop ups.  The one thing I found out is this had absolutly nothing to do with sex it was adrenaline.  At one point he even told me to my face that he didn't care about the consiquences at the time he was doing this.  It was so bad we were evicted from two houses and lost 3 cars, phone in the house was few and far between (w/ 2 babies in the house).  I would steer clear of this guy, he will ruin you and your children's lives.

 

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naughty
March 7, 2008, 12:18 pm CST

What about procreation???

Quote From: sundeigo

Put them all on Alcatraz Island  with a shark tank in ocean like SeaWorld barbed wire extending 2 miles out surrounding the Island and let them have at it. The laws are in need of a overhaul. They get out in 2 years or less.  DO FOOD DROPS ! ! ! !  MILITARY STYLE ! ! ! PERKS THEY ARE ALL SEX OFFENDERS, LET THEM OFFEND EACH OTHER. ! ! !
There are just as many female offenders as there are male, you would have to have two islands to seperate them on or they would make more kids and start the circle over.  UNLESS...ha ha,  they are required to be steralized?!...that is something the government should take into consideration!!!
 

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