Messages By: missymomma

Quote From: kittyc

I agree with everyone who has a problem with the decisions made about having sex and the possibility of pregnancy, but we're not talking about PRE-conception rights here, only POST-conception rights.   

   

So let's lay the FACTS out and look at it logically:   

   

Pre-conception:   

Women - birth control or abstinence   

Men - condoms or abstinence   

   

Looks to me like the choices are pretty equal.......take responsibility or either keep your pants zipped or your legs together.   

   

Post-conception:   

Women - deliver and keep, deliver and put up for adoption, abortion, or abandon at a 'Safe Place'.   

Men - NONE   

   

When the feminists holler for equal rights, they better be willing to put their money where their mouth is.  Matt and his lawyers are absolutely right........there are NO choices for men with post-conception rights.  Often the ones who WANT to be fathers have that privelege taken away when a mother opts to abort, and others (like Matt) are forced to be fathers because they have no say in what happens after conception.   

   

This argument is ONLY about post-conception rights and it's obvious by the facts that men have NO rights whatsoever.  Which is exactly what I am teaching my boys.  My 17 y. o. is having a hard time understanding that, especially since he also understands that if a girl wants an abortion, she doesn't even have to tell him if she doesn't want to.  Out of the mouths of babes:  his biggest question is 'Why do they have all the say on what happens to the baby and I have none?'   

   

I hope and pray that Roe v. Wade for Men answers it for him.........   

   

And one more food for thought:   

   

If a mother can abandon her newborn at a 'Safe Places', why can't a father?  Concidering he is as much a parent to that child as the mother is, why not??   

Quote From: beertje

This kid is screaming for help.  You need to get him evaluated for possible sexual abuse... here's a site showing the list of signs that a child may have been sexually abused.  Your son, from what you're describing, is displaying multiple symptoms:

http://www.protectkids.com/abuse/abusesigns.htm

I would contact cps or a child psychologist immediately  to investigate the causes and the source of his behaviors as they hopefully can get him to open up.  He's most likely wanting to remain dirty to try to keep his predator away.  Make sure that you provide the emotional and physical support he is searching for, hugging him loads and reassuring him that it's ok to talk about what he's feeling and what he knows, if he remembers.  You son is not the problem, it's whomever is hurting him that is the problem.  He's just displaying the symptoms to give you the red flags that something's not right.  I wish you all the best in this most likely traumatic phase.

Quote From: bfulk555

I don't even know where to start.  I was this woman 14 years ago.  My husband was 20 when we met, I was 24.  We had been dating 3 weeks when he took me to meet his parents one Easter Sunday afternoon.  I was looked up and down, judged(unknown to me at the time).  There was no reason for his parents to "not" like me.  But, their disapproval was that he was dating someone older than him who was not his high school girlfriend. (his relationship with his H.S. girlfriend had ended 3 years prior to my meeting him)  They believe that it is traditional for one to marry their high school girlfriend, have a good job, live in your hometown, have 2 children (boy first, then a girl) a house and a dog.  He had already enlisted in the military before we had met and was awaiting time to leave for boot camp. They didn't give approval for that either, so they weren't happy before they met me.    They did a lot of unethical things while we dated.  He left for bootcamp and his mother was constantly calling me to see if he had called me.  She was very cold.  PLEASE KEEP IN MIND I HAD NEVER AND HAVE NEVER DISRESPECTED THESES PEOPLE in any way, shape or form.  He asked me to marry him 7 months after we met.  I said yes.  He wrote his parents a letter from boot camp telling them.  We planned to marry the day after Christmas 1992.  2 days before Christmas we were at their home and his father pulled him aside and was trying to talk him out of it.  His mother wore black to the wedding and didn't speak to me during the reception or the day after when we were leaving for our new home (he was stationed in Florida-we were in Indiana)   For the first 3 months they called every other day.  They visited every 3 months for the first 2 years. While visiting they treated me like I was some outcast in my own home.  They were angry when we started a family.  They invited themselves to be at our home when my husband arrived back from his first tour of sea duty....after he had told them to wait a week or two to visit.  After 6 months without him, and a new baby to care for, the night before he arrived home, his father told me flat out that they did not want him to marry me but "maybe everything will work out".  I was dumbfounded that someone would say such a thing.  I've been nothing but hospitable to these people year after year.  14 years later....we have the boy, the girl, a house, a dog and my husband has a terrific job that he loves and makes nearly $200k a year.  We are very happy.  It's been a whirlwind 14 years. We've traveled the world, experienced so many things together......we're living what we both have always dreamed of.    I have made a point to raise my children to NOT JUDGE PEOPLE. And I make sure they know how important it is, NOT TO JUDGE because of what my in-laws have done and continue to do.    My husband's relationship with his parents is all but nil.  He feels they do not respect him (even though he is 35 and more than deserves their respect--they should be the proudest parents in the world regarding what a wonderful man, husband and father their son has turned out to be)  

   

I'm sorry to go on and on.  But, I can not express enough, how hurtful it can be when parents try to manipulate what their children are doing.  My in-laws can (and have) said anything they want to me, without any ramifications from me. (I just smile and turn the other cheek)  But, it breaks my heart to see my husband being hurt by their trying to manipulate him and disrepect him.    

   

To answer your question: Don't say anything to your son.  He isn't asking you to "approve" her. That is not your place.  You don't have to invite them to dinner or anything.  If he says he would like you to meet her at some point, that doesn't mean that he wants your approval.  It means he is inviting you to meet someone that he likes. Someone that makes him happy. Someone important to him. The worse thing you can do, is show disapproval.  And he wants her to meet his parents:also people who are important to him.  She won't come to dinner with the preconceived notion of : "I think I'll see if I APPROVE of his parents"!    

Your son is 21. Old enough to make his own choices and live with them.  If you want to always have a relationship with your son, I would suggest not alleinating him.  Smile and be supportive.  Give advice when asked.  Don't pass judgement.  If you state your disapproval regarding this woman.....you are saying to your son..." We don't like your choice", "You don't know what you're doing".  You are judging HIM as well as the woman.  Keep in mind, she didn't start dating him because she knew he had parents who would disapprove of her. She met someone she apparently likes. The son you've raised, apparently with a good character who doesn't judge a book by it's cover or AGE.    

   

My son is 12.  I know exactly how I plan to greet anyone he will bring home to meet his parents. With kindness and respect.  The same way I would hope any parent would treat HIM when he gets invited to meet someone's parents.