Messages By: jeepinacj5

I have been married to my wife for 4 years and 4 months and have watch her live in pain all that time from a back injury and 3 surgies that did not help she has gotten worse over time and has blaimed me for the last 3 years and now is blaiming our grand kids that if she did not have to raise them she would of probably recoverd from her injurys.  I work 3rd shift and have a sever sleep disorder called sleep apnea, and I suffer from insomnea and sever migrains.  I have been living on 2 to 3 hours sleep a day for the last year and a half and have not been able to give her the help with the kids and grand kids.  Now she wants out of our marriage with a devorce.  In the 90s I suverd a real bad injury to my arms shoulders to my fingers and sufferd real bad depression but I got help.  Now after she told me she dose not want me any more I have fallen back into a real bad depression I think of ending things every day, I have begged her to go to counseling with me and she said she did not need it she has to do this her way.  This is my 4th failed marriage every time I get with a women and fall in deep love I get hurt, and I am always the devoted husban that do not go out drinking or running around, I am there at home to help and do what I need for my family and my worst fear has come true, all I want to do is take all my sleeping pills and get it over.  But I keep hanging on hoping she will change her mind.  I am on anti depressent and see a counsler but Its not working.  is there some one that can help our marriage, I am so tired of crying ever day and I have to leave my office alot to go for walks because I start crying.

Thank You all for the great info,  I think I might make it through this, it's hard this was the 4th time for me and after falling in the depest Love with some one, I always get hurt at the end.  Now I know I cant be so open with how I feel about some one, So after this is done I plan on getting a Vett and put a new hipro engine in my Truck the beast master and finish building My Jeep that my boys and I have been working on for the last three years off and on.  I will keep putting how I feel here because after I did last time felt so much better.  once again thank you all.

Well last night we got an offer on our house, and yesterday I made an offer on a house for my kids and my self.  strang thing after we got the offer My soon to be ex-wife asked if I will fix the dents in the van, and I said if I have the time, I dont understand why she would ask me to do that knowing she is the one leaving me becouse she is having a hard time with her life, I keep praying the God will change things, I do Love this women with my whole heart and would do any thing for her,  But she got mad becouse I come home from work and hold her hand and say a prayer over our marriage, So I mouth offed and said you dont have worry anymore I will not pray holding your hand becouse there's not a god.  I said this out of being up set with what she said.  for some one to tell you they love you and your the only one they want to spend there life with and then all at once change there mind.  I do feel she needs counsling but she will never get it.  it's every one else that has the problem.  so I will just let thing go and I will keep trying to make things better for me, she has also said in 6 month to a year we will work on putting things back together.  (I just dont get it).  I signed the divorce papers yesterday, but I had some things add and we both signed them off I also had her change the date from 04/30/06 to 05/01/06 that way it would not be final on the month I we lost my father inlaw last july and it would not fall on the month of my birth, I felt I did not need to bad thing in that month.  well I have to go for now.

ya I don't know if she means what she says any more, she told me in six months to a year we will try to fix things. But I keeping thinking how will this happen because the love and trust I have for this women are being crushed by her.  I really dont get it.  Gotta go grand kids need me. 

well! she took the offer on our house and I put in an offer on a new house and they took it, I don't know why I feel like I am not good enough for my wife and why I am the one hurting so bad over what she wants,  after being put through this I don't know if I will ever trust any one again.  I have put my all into this marriage have been there for all her surgies and I felt so close to her and now I am so worried and scared and deprest over all this my mood keeps changing all the time, some times I cry at diffrent times and some times I have thoughts of ending thing but I keep thinking of my kids and grand kids.  well I have to go.  I do hope I can pull through this, and I hope she is telling me the truth about trying to fix this in 6 months to a year.

Hi all, I am doing a lot of thinking about all the stuff I feel and now I am crying again, I don't understand why this keeps happaning to me.  I fall in Love and become so devoted to my wife each time and then I get kicked right in the teeth by her asying she wants out, I don't go out drinking or partying and running around I work and I am home with my family.  I always tried to make sure we did things as a family and she told me that was part of the problem I did not do enough with my boys and I did not do enough with Erica my step doughter or my grand kids.  and did not do enough around the house.  I work 3rd shift and have a real bad time sleeping days I have been living on 2 to 3 hours sleep a day and getting about 5 to 6 hours on Friday nights and Saturday nights for the last year and a half, I have sleep apnea real bad and my cpap is at 15 psi the max is 17 psi, I suffer from sever migraines and insomnea after I was put on third shift,  and I just keep waking up all the time.  She started saying I was checking on her becouse I get up and down so much and I explained to her that my sleep Doctor told me if I am having trouble sleeping get up and get out of the bed so I don't start hateing my bed.  I just don't get how some can say they Love you and then turn and hurt you so bad like this.  She is now out looking for a place of her own and things will be done the end of this month, I don't want this I have asked her to go to counsling and all that does is make her mad and say I am pushing her and that is making her farther away I asked her to go to church and she said all that would do is give me fulse hope! I don't know what else I can do.  So I guess I will just give up on her and hope in time she will change her mind or will I be to up set or mad at her.  How can I Love her like this even after all she is putting through.  Well thats its for now.  getting sadder and sadder.

My wife has had 3 surgies on her lower back and is getting worse now she is going through the same thing but she has pushed me and boys and grand kids away and has filed for a divorce and is done, I have asked her to go to a counsler and she will not so I am asking you to please she a counsler, In the 90 I lost the use of both my arms and hands with out seeing a counsler I would of gave up but I did not I went back to school in my 30 and started a new job and I pushed to make my arms and hands work again it was hard work but I know you can do it.   always remember your children Love you and will always need you, that is the only thing keeping going now.  crying is good for the body it makes you feel better after its all out I know this for it 's been my best friend lately.  Please hang in there You have use to talk to.  Got go for now.

Well I got the news from my wife that she is planning on moving out around the 25th of this month and not staying till the end when the house is sold, but she said she needs to work out issues she has, like no self worth or no drive to do anything and no meaning to life and so on, this tells me she has depression going on but will not get help by a counlser but and she is moving farther away than what she led me to beleive and now I am not sure what to think.  she did say again she hopes we can work things out in 6 months to a year, but I feel a divorce means it final.  I wish I could do some thing to change her mind but I can't and it hurts real bad, I have watch her suffer with real bad back pain for the last 4 years, and then when the doctor told her she would never work again right after we lost my father inlaw (he was my good friend to and I miss him) things have stack up against us so bad.  she still is telling me I have to keep my grand kids and that I should move closer to where my boys live. 

I really hate my life, every time things start to go right I loose again, I keep asking my self and others why! when do I get to be happy and have some one love me for me and not want to change me.  I love my wife so much and and my family and thats still not good enough to keep us togeather.  I just want to give up now on every thing.  why can't the women I love Love me back the same.  I have to go for now I can't see the key board from crying.  Sorry.

You know I keep praying to the higher power and I am not getting any responce.  I just am having a real hard time with life right now, every thing I loved about life is going away, becouse she will not get help.  Thank You for being there.