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Messages By: bluedane2

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April 27, 2006, 4:29 pm CDT

04/26 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Quote From: chrisr

I am ashamed to hear so many women encouraging Michele to leave her husband.   No one said marriage was going to be “a walk in the park!"  Marriage requires work to make it through the roller coaster ride of "life", and this couple is now taking those necessary steps to get over this obstacle.  Instead of discouraging Michelle, we need to encourage her, as well as, her husband so they can get through these difficult times.  Analyzing Michele's husband’s physical attributes is evidently not an issue for her, so we should stop talking about him.   Michele probably didn't marry him because of his looks anyways.  Men and women are attracted to one another for various reasons.  Some women may cherish a man with a good income and humor over looks.   While some men may choose looks over a women’s earning potential because money is not an issue for them.  Love and attraction is two separate things, and unfortunately the masses of folks around here can not distinguish between the two.  I assure you regardless of any disappointment I may feel due to the physical changes my wife may go through, I will gladly lay down my life for her in a second  because I love her.  Wake up people!   Dr. Phil truly needs to do a show on true love not this mess that some women watch on TV and read in romance novels. 

Michelle seems to have a privileged life.  She's a stay at home mom.  If they can afford surgery, they can afford for her to go to a gym and work out.  Thats all she needs is to really work out.  Not sit on her stationary bike reading a book and peddling at the speed of snail...  

   

If that's something that she knows it bothers him, then why not try and make it better?  Men are very physical, visual and sexual beings.  Women are all about emotions.  So if she wants to keep her husband happy, instead of divorcing him, she should WORK OUT.  

 
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April 27, 2006, 4:31 pm CDT

04/26 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Quote From: lillskr

Husband can accept my natural beauty, but if I ever get fat (Anything above my BMI- the ideal weight of what my doctor gives me) and I accept myself that way, he'll leave (He's a health nut- he hasn't always been though, but it makes me learn to control what I eat and eat healthy and since I got an ok from the doc- which I didn't have before, but now I do, i'm going to start working out).   

You have two choices.  Work out and stay in shape or leave him. 
 
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April 28, 2006, 1:57 pm CDT

04/26 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Quote From: jettav

I actually agree with you to a certain ppoint as I do believe we need to have the desire to pleaseo ur mates and that goes for men AND women, but there is absolutely NO excuse to be abusive towards your mate and putting one down, demeaning them and denying them as their partner is abuse for it can caause a great bit of damage ot ones spirit. Also just because one stays home and takes care of the home, the kids, cooks and makes, take the kids to the doctors, stay up all night with a sick child, wakes in the night to nurse to comfort a child, and sooooooooooo much more (which describes a stay at home mom, does not mean they have a priveleged life. Now, as a stay at home mom myself, I am proud to say that I love my job and the fact that I have it in me to be the main source of care and love for my children, it is I who am meeting the needs of my home and family and though to me, it is a priveleg and and an honor it is also a never ending job and believe it or not, it can be stressful as there re basically no breaks, unless one is fortuante enough to have a loving and supportive spouse who loves, respects and appreciates his wife which I am one of those blessed wives. As I have often posted, husbands and wives need to love, respect and honor each other and then life would be so much better for people like those on these shows, for when there is disrespect, demeaning and conflict and all, the marriage will never be happy and fullfilling therefore it will be doomed in the end. Respect from both sides is what it takes. I agree that if wives want to make their husbands happy then they should do things that they know will please him (all in reality of course) and at the same time, husbands need to do do the same thing and be a support system for their wives, beleive me, it works both ways, gotta be a team!

I totally agree with you, there is NO EXCUSE for him to treat her that way, don't get me wrong.  NONE.    You said it beautifully! 

 
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April 28, 2006, 2:02 pm CDT

04/26 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Quote From: juliebgg

From your postings I would wager that you are a male.  No concern about feelings, just about LOOKS. I suppose you compare all women to airbrushed, made up and image-enhanced actresses and models-get a clue-they don't look like their pictures either! You side with him.  I suppose you also think his mean comments are okay. 

If by chance you are a female, I would say you are not a very compassionate or well-informed one. 

You are also unrealistic and naive about saying that all she needs to do is work out.  If you had more knowledge you would understand that "just working out" doesn't help in all cases.  She seems to be at a good weight so she obviously is doing some positive things in the weight control area.   

No I am female.  And NO, his comments were not ok at all.  Yes, it does, working out helps a LOT.  I have two beautiful daughters and no, I did not gain 100 lbs at pregnancy.  I have a very loving, and supportive husband as well who would never, ever talk to me like that, EVER!  I take care of myself, I work out because I want to look good for him and most importantly feel good about myself.  And I sure do. 

  

She is a beautiful woman, and her problem is not losing weight, its just getting in shape.  And why spend money with surgery with her bleeding history?  when a good workout program would do wonders for her body?   

 
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April 28, 2006, 2:03 pm CDT

04/26 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Quote From: chrisr

True love means doing what is necessary to please the one you love, even if that means stop looking at soap operas and getting on the treadmill to workout.   The very problem that they are experiencing can be fixed by simply eating right and exercising at least 30 mins a day!   Yes this maybe hard at first, but the benefits from this change in life style will go way beyond than fulfilling her husband’s needs.  Too many people are making excuses for those who are overweight and out of shape, and this is why America is facing the many health issues that it is today.   Children and adults are rapidly becoming obese for lack of exercise and poor dieting.   This attitude of making excuses for this poor behavior needs to stop. 

  

 

 

  

 

 

  

 

Back on true love again......

  

 

I agree with you 100% that true love is unconditional, but just because a husband is not sexually attractive to his wife doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her.  This is unless, you feel love is directly correlated to sex!   Love is more than just sex, it is the attitude that you will sacrifice your all, be there emotionally, spiritually, and physically to help uplift and provide for ones needs.   Yes, Michele's husband said some distasteful things, but those words came from years of frustration and continuous disappointments.   Those words didn't just come out of the blue, I'm sure there were times in the beginning when he brought those issues up in hopes of them being rectified.   I'm also sure that Michele told him that she would take care of it and do what it takes to achieve the end result.  Well after years of waiting and seeing very little improvement, frustration began to set in.  Believe it or not, his frustration is directly connected to the love he has for Michele.  If he didn't love her he wouldn’t care if she lost the weight, nor would he have brought his problems to the television sets for the whole nation to judge.   He could just simply leave, but he didn’t because he truly loves his wife! 

  

 

  

EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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April 28, 2006, 2:08 pm CDT

04/26 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Quote From: groovy

then hubby should quit the constant harping about Michelle's appearance & stop hurting her FEELINGS.  I don't care how physical, visual, & sexual men are, they have no business being abusive.  All your advice/criticism is directed at Michelle, as if Carl is totally in the right to be doing what he's doing.  BTW, you ASSUME Michelle's not working out appropriately.  You don't have enough knowledge to know that.  

I agree that Carl is being a total jerk about it.  She should have put him in his place a long time ago.  He has no right to be condescending!  She doesn't deserve that.  Unfortunately Michelle is NOT working out properly because if she were we wouldn't be here talking about it.
 
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April 28, 2006, 5:06 pm CDT

04/26 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Quote From: juliebgg

I am happy to hear that you agree that his comments were not okay at all. From your original posting, it wasn't clear to me. I imagined you to not be a very feeling person. Goes to show you how we often don't get enough info about a person from computer messages (LOL!!) 

I feel that surgery is a last resort.  I don't know how much Michelle has worked out-if she hasn't it may be a good idea to do that before jumping into surgery. And I'm obviously not talking about trying a little exercise for 2 weeks and then saying it doesn't work.  If it is going to work for her (or for anyone else) it will take time to see results.   If she does work out for a considerable length of time and by chance doesn't get results, then and only then should she consider surgery under the guidance of good physicians that know her complete medical history. 

Agree with you there. 
 
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April 28, 2006, 5:18 pm CDT

04/26 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Quote From: lmish728

Are you kidding?  Did you notice how skinny she was?  The point -  this is not her fault.  She can't help it.  The same thing with wrinkles.  You can't help it.  How do you know that all she needs to do is work out?  Her husbands attitude towards her is breaking her spirit.  What a shame.  She is beautiful.  If he loves her than he needs to help her not have looks of disgust.  God help you if you have a problem with your body that you can't help some day.   

Yes, I agree with you she is beautiful, inside and out.  Carl obviously went about it the wrong way.  Instead of motivating her, he degraded her and this is certainly not right.  However, "marriage" is not "carte blanche" for people to relax, let themselves go and gain weight with the excuse that your partner is supposed to love you no matter what.  She should have put him in his place a long time ago, no doubt about it. 

  

Michelle has the benefit of being a stay a home mom with a husband who can easily support her.  So instead of taking the easy way out and opting for surgery, like he wants, Michelle should join a health club or even consider hiring a personal trainer and she would see immediate results.  I have two daughters, I have a loving husband and a full-time job.  I find the time to work out and keep in shape because I want to live a healthy life, I do it for ME.  And it pays off big time! 

  

"God help you if you have a problem with your body that you can't help some day".  This, thank God, is not a problem Michelle has.  She can improve immensily through a good exercise program.   

  

  

 
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April 28, 2006, 5:24 pm CDT

04/26 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Quote From: naturesgir

Obviously people can't help getting older, but people can help what they can help...  It kind of bugs me when men are vilified for objecting when their women let themselves go in one way or another.  The fact, however politically incorrect, is that men are visual.  They're hard-wired that way.  Looks matter to them, more than to women.  That doesn't make them "shallow," necessarily -- just men.  And if a man marries a reasonably thin woman, I think he has reason to complain if she blows up after the wedding.  Likewise, a woman would have reason to complain if her man suddenly quit showering or brushing his teeth, and I don't think the audience would be hissing and booing if she did.  The guy's telling her "I'm not attracted to you; danger!"  Should he just have an affair instead? 

I totally and completely agree with you.  Carl went about it the wrong way, he should have never, ever been so condescending towards his lovely wife.  He should have been supportive of her and motivated her.  And its not too late for that. 

  

I saw Michelle's legs like everybody else did and I am convinced that through a good exercise program, Michelle's legs would be hugely improved.  I wish she would consider that instead of surgery.   

 
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April 28, 2006, 5:39 pm CDT

04/26 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Quote From: swan7368

Wanting your spouse to look the best they can is one thing.....but calling your spouse names and making them feel like crap about themselves is another......that is verbal and emotional abuse!  If you make a person hate who they are they will just hate themselves and not care what they look like even more. 
Well said!
 

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