I know this sounds like something out of Humpty Dumpty where he is put back together again.... Truth is, that could happen to all of us of childhood abuse, sexual child abuse, or any other type of abuse. Standing strong in the person, or as Dr. Phil will refer to as the core being that God created, is all just a moment of time away. Reaching for the truth beckoning the past to come clean with us as victims is a bit more intense than just finding the core. One has to walk down each road that the core was unable to. In so saying, we became less of the core that God created and became the real troupers. The real back bone to the life of the one in question. Us, you, and me! Meaning, we all gotta go back there,.....there to the pain, the hurt, the disgust, the humiliation. Life has some really strange turns to it huh? Fact is as for myself, I've been there done that and felt<------- really good about my trials and tribulations. Got over them, past them and then some. Now that the rest of my 8 brothers and sisters are dealing with the same hurtful truth, I'm back to square one! Square one for me is going back to the place I've already been and then trying to help my family get through it too!! Not a nice place to be put in.....exhausting even!!! My dilemma is simply this....As stated, I've been there and done that with physiological help for four years, My family and I do mean all of my family, thought I was the worst person, and trouble maker ever!!!! Who the He(( did I think I was to bring my family into such an ugly, horrible place? "oh just me" was my reply . I didn't want to involve everyone else, but did need conformation from time to time and only from a few grown-up (older) adults. That was a major backfire! Long story short here. I'm in a place in my life where I'm OK with the idea of being a happy person. All the sudden I'm reliving my brothers and sisters pain that are younger than me. Truly by their rendition of how they took their own personal abuse and pain. I cannot emphasis enough what i mean by their pain and my being able to feel it. I'm looking at this situation as...OK, I'm good now folks....you are not....sorry and good luck! Leave me the heck out of it!! Deal with your pain and don't even try to bring me down during or any time in my life while I'm doing well and moving on with life. Don't bring me down folks! Just don't!!!....oh shoot, here comes guilt!!! Look out!!!!, the mess has hit the fan and I'm in the line of fire here!!!! Darn it all.....I tried so hard to keep from being in this place and danged if that isn't exactly where I've ended up! Any of this sounding familuar folks?
I have to say something for all of those who are in the same place as me..........be cautious!! be aware of where you might get slung or thrown, or trashed.......no kidding! Protect yourselves and be happy with where you are and are going. Do not loose site of your direction for your life! Pray a lot for your family, as I did knowing this day had the potential of showing its face. As for protection from the enemy. What ever enemy that might be according to your life's experience. I think all in all, I'm tired......just really tired. The pain, the hurt, the emotional, and physical of it all. Don't think I kid myself about the reality here. I know that I'll always nurture my inner child. I know that I'll always have a child to bring to the surfface and say "I love you and care about you and I sooooo appreciate your courage when I had none of my own". But now I am an adult and I can take care of me without your help. God is good to see me through this with your help and without your help. Let me be the strong one now and you rest for a while". Humpty has been glued up!
god bless you all who hurt and are angry. God bless those of us who are ok regardless of anyone else's oppinion! We are strong folks and we are survivors! I'm just sounding off. Thanks to all who have a clue, and God bless those that don't...or just can't....or just won't! You are loved!
