Message Boards

Messages By: indichuck

User Mood
Sad

Message Emote
blank
May 1, 2006, 6:11 pm CDT

Sex desire 180 degrees apart

I agree that I could not imagine having sex with a woman that did not want to have sex. Totally degrading to her and a huge turn off for me. AND.... what to do when you love/want/desire/lust after your spouse and she has zero interest in any physically intimate activity? She says she is totally in love with me and yet we have arrived at a static friendship. We've been celibate for a year and a half and probably had sex a total of 5 times in the year before we stopped completely. We've been to marriage counseling, the ob/gyn, done the hormone thing, the anti-depressant thing, the testosterone shot/cream. Nothing works. And I love how these women talk about how 'if their man would do some housework they would be all over them...nothing is sexier than a man doing dishes or running the washing machine." Well, I've been all over that stuff for years...if she cooks a meal, I clean, and vice versa. I do most of the laundry, take out the trash, cut the grass, get the cars serviced. And she says it isn't me...she wouldn't want sex if Tom Selleck were in bed with her. So i sleep next to her every night (wanting her) get dressed each morning (loving her and getting excited by how she looks in the morning) and get the quick kiss good bye as we head for work..... What a life!
 
User Mood
Sad

Message Emote
sad
May 2, 2006, 7:50 am CDT

re: more

Quote From: purplepain

I would steer clear of stereo types when it comes to you own personal relationship. You shouldn't need stereotypes to figure out the kind of woman you wife is.

Not all women find doing dishes sexy...I certainly don't. I could care less. I find my husbands brain sexy. I literally get turned on when he starts talking about physics or evolution or history or computer programming. My husband is incredibly brainy and brainy turns me on bad.

What EXACTLY has she said to you about her sex drive? She sounds like she's not going to be fixed by doing something specific to turn her on. She sounds like she doesn't want to be "fixed"...a person has to be willing to fix the problem.

She has said that she WANTS to want to have sex...she just doesn't.  I simply added the part about doing things around the house not to sound sexy, but to illustrate that I'm not drinking beer on the couch, ignoring her and letting her do all the work and then expecting fireworks in the bedroom.  

We have had an amazing sexual relationship in the past, which is why a complete halt in any sexual touching,  french kissing, etc is so hard to take.  I am not saying that what I did turned her on then...or that whatever that was I have stopped doing.  I really have no idea at this point.  

It has just become such a very sore subject that communication about our sex life is fraught with peril...and to bring it up shows just how dissatisified I am with the marriage, which works against my goal of having a joyful, connected and loving marriage (for both of us.)  

Dr. Phil hits it right on the head when he says: "If you have a great sex life in your marriage, it accounts for about 10% of your happiness.  If you do not, then it accounts for 90% of your unhappiness."  

 
User Mood
Sad

Message Emote
blank
May 5, 2006, 3:59 am CDT

05/05 When Sexual Styles Don't Match

Quote From: ses_anne

What am I supposed to do when I just can't stand ANY sexual contact? My hubby sulks everytime I say no, yet he knows what I'm going to say. How can my marriage work when I just won't have any sexual contact? I thought we were meant to love each other because of WHO we were, and work together as a team, and love and raise our kids. I didn't realise that sex was the main priority and nothing else would work if he didn't 'get it' on a regualr basis. I want a team-mate in my man. I am just not willing to have sex. I don't EVER want sex again. What am I meant to do?
Sex isn't the MAIN priority in a marriage...yet it is a vital component. You say you want a team mate...but YOU won't play along! So you aren't willing to have sex? and you think he should be fine with that...what if he said "I'm just not willing to communicate with you about our finances, hopes and dreams" "I'm just not willing to raise the kids with you" "I'm just not willing to stay up all night supporting you when you are sick and throwing up" "I'm not willing to........Fill in the blank" Get the idea? You would probably end up sulking too!
 
User Mood
Sad

Message Emote
blank
May 5, 2006, 3:53 pm CDT

you are right to think that

Quote From: mschristal

 Here is my problem.  I am the wife and i am the one that wants sex.  Before my husband and I were married we had a great sex life!!!  We have been married for 6 months and for these months our sex life has been almost non-existant.  We used to have sex at least 10 times a week and now we might have sex 3-4 times a month.  I have talked with him about it and I have even told him that it makes me sad.  I have been turned down so many times that I don't even try and I even fantasize about having sex with other men.    We have talked about this SEVERAL times and he says "well, I hate that you feel bad.  it is not you .  not at all.  I just don't feel like it"  Unfortunately, that does not make me feel better. We are two young professionals in our 20's. It is not like were old and we don't even have kids so that is no excuse.   One of the things that really gets me is that there is such a stereotype that women are the ones that withhold sex and that is totally not the case in my house.  I can't help but think that other men would love to have a wife that would want to have sex.
Please don't put yourself down....YES there are other men that would love to have a wife like you! Trust me!
 
User Mood
Sad

Message Emote
blank
May 6, 2006, 7:47 pm CDT

05/05 When Sexual Styles Don't Match

Quote From: indigo77

Purplepain,  

   

Are you serious?   

   

Marriage is rape hell for women! Men have no mercy, compassion or sensitivity. Where is a man who cares if a woman wants sex or not. Sex is expected, demanded and forced on women. I honestly don;t see hiow men can even hold their heads up or look at themselves in the mirror!  

I hope there is not a man in your life.....he would have a tough row to how with your views.
 
User Mood
Sad

Message Emote
blank
May 6, 2006, 7:58 pm CDT

Sex or closeness?

Quote From: lryhvr

my name is larry, i"m 37 my wife laura is 43 a bbw and already in menopause . well it sucks i cant even ask for sex because she doesnt want it. well what can i do? i want it all the time, but instead i have to masterbate constantly just to get satisfied . and there"s been a discusion that if i want it go get some but be safe. that blew my mind! what can i do?  despretaly wanting sex
I hear you, buddy. The problem is, masturbation doesn't satisify the longing for closeness and intimacy with the one you hold most dear. Neither will having a lover or sex-buddy on the side. What you want (which, I assume, is a loving and vital physical relationship with Laura) may indeed be impossible.
 
User Mood
Sad

Message Emote
blank
May 6, 2006, 8:06 pm CDT

Annie Hall!

Quote From: jackie33

My husband and I are very different.  I have no sex drive but he is in high gear.  We used to fight about sex all the time.  We even went to  counceling with our pastor.  Every time my husband would say "we never do it", and I would say "yes we did".  It was a never ending battle.  Finally I bought my husband a pocket calander and some gold star stickers.  I told him he had to mark his calander each day that we did do it so that he could in fact look back and see that we did.  And I also peek at his calander to see if maybe it has been a while.  This way he sees that he is getting some and I can see when I might need to step it up.  We also try to give each other 'advance warning'.  If we tell each other the day before that we might be interested then we know what to expect.  We don't just spring it on each other at the end of the day when we might be too exhasted.  He has stopped begging and I do not feel presured into it.  The fighting has stopped and now we can just enjoy each other.    

Your counseling with your pastor reminds me of my favorite scene from one of my favorite movies: Annie Hall. In a split screen scene, Alvey and Annie are (separately) at their therapist's office in a session. The two therapists ask the question simultaneoulsy "How often do you two have sex?" Annie (Diane Keaton) answers" Constantly!! It must be 2 or 3 times a week!" Alvey (Woody Allen) answers "Hardly ever! It must be 2 or 3 times a week!" ROTFLMAO!
 

First Page | Previous Page | 1 | Next Page | Last Page
Return to Message Board