Messages By: grinny71

  just a couple lines to say hello from pa. i'm a mother of three. 11, 12, 13and my husband 40. i'm not sure how to do this so just saying hello 

 thanx 

       hello my first time in this area. i am 34 and you'd think i would be over this by now but when you were never helped with it. it just kinda lingers. i was 7 when my mothers boyfriend started  molesting me. when i would go to be he would make sure he tucked me in. he drank as well as my mother. i have 2older sisters ans an older brother; i am the baby.  it started as a simple kiss, them it was a french kiss, by the time i was eight; he was touching my private parts. in between touching me he was beating my mother and me. i had told my mother what he was doing she would say, "i'll talk to him." by the time i was 9 i had started my period, and was not a virgin anymore. i remember him saying, "now we are going to have to becareful. you could become pregnant." i missed alot of school in the third grade and ended up repeating it. i told my mom again and she said the same thing, "i'll talk to him." the fighting was getting worse. i had no one to help me. i told my sister, she just shook her head. he just kept telling me, " this is what people in love do. " i beleived him. my mother never talked to him. i remember in high school, i finally told the police i was in 9th grade. they gave my mom 2 options...1. get him out. 2. we get out. so my mother and i got out. i was devestated; it was her house. we moved into a trailer. but after work she went over to him. i was left by myself. since the 6th grade my friends and i would get drunk. soooooooo drunk. i was very sexually active. i did things that i regret so much.. i wish i could turn back time.  i began cutting myself. alot. a couple close calls. but who cares. he finally died. seroscous of the liver. (sp?) i went to his funeral. and smiled the whole time. i hope he likes hell. i  don't know how to let go. how do i overcome this? will i ever? i still cut myself. i think about it everyday. i have 3 kids and a husband. my husband still thinks its funny that i was a nonvirgin so young. i wish i could laugh about it. please help 

                       grinny 

                         youknow i have never received counsling for anything that  happened in my life. i've never talked to anyone. i've just dealt with it. when i was raped he kept telling me thats what people in love do. i've heard from dr. phils show about his web page and gave it a chance just to say something makes a difference. just to talk about it. it sounds stupid but it helps. i keep telling my husband i need some kind of counsling. we can't afford it. i deal my pain through music.  i love music. so i listen to music alot. i'm sorry you had to go through this. i'm sorry anyone has to go through this. its a terrible thing, and i'm glad theres people out there who will listen.... 

                                thank you again, 

                                             grinny 

  its me grinny...well i've been really good about working out. but i'm stuck at 163...i did start at 174. but 11 pounds in a month that is terrible.  i haven't been doing my cardio to the fullest extent, but i work up a sweat. i work out for about 1 and a half hours. any sugg.? i did have a couple sweets over the weekend. but i didn't gain any more weight.  well maybe this week i'll show some progress...thanx 

          grinny 

      me grinny again, i'm 34 years old. been a cutter since high school..still am do it all the time. nobody notices so i'm not hurting anyone. i cut myself for many reasons; angry with myself, angry at my husband, my family, or i'll eat alot. i'm not sure what i'm supposed to be doing with my life, i talk and teach my kids what i know, but have never told them what has happened to me growing up. i just keep telling them how lucky they are for what they have, and are blessed with how much i love them.  what is our purpose? i'm lost and confused...help! 

thanx for replying... no i'm not in therapy. we can't afford it. i do work out to relieve some stress. i was molested and raped for many years of my life..i've never really talked about it though; maybe just mentioned it and then put it aside. nobody has the time , or wants to hear me go on about my stupid life.i'm cool with that. i'm very protective about my kids, and i catch every little thing...i just need to do this to myself to get through some days. its not bad. is it? and tama i'm here for you if you need someone. i know i'm tired of feeling like nothing..thanx for listening 

 grinny 

i love maya angelou- she has that poem phenomenal woman..its very insperational...   

         i wish you weren't in ppin. i wish i was there helping you. i'm sorry you feel this way..but i've been there....we all have . just keep talking to us and we are at least here...to hear you 

    i'm praying for you.. 

       grinny 

  ok here it goes. i've been married for almost 10 years but we've been together for 15.we have 3 beautiful children together. we don't have a sex life...i'm 34; i was sexually, physically, and emotionally abused as a child. i've put on about 30lbs in about 2 years. we fight all the time. we are financially stressed to the limit. he sleeps on the sofa, i sleep in bed alone every night. i think about sex with him... but i don't know how to ask. or to make a move.. 

  i don't want him to think i can't live without him or i'll die if we don't jave sex..am i allowed to talk about this on here? i need advice...please help. i personally don't think he loves me anymore. i think  we are only together for the kids. 

 and i need help,    grinny