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Messages By: davis33

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May 4, 2006, 12:10 am CDT

I hear you...

Quote From: dominolove

Except I'm fairly sure our stations in life are somewhat different.   

   

I'm in my early 20's, super energetic with a great sex drive and a pretty adventurous spirit (I worked in a adult novelty store for many years in what's considered the 'gay/bi/les district of our city, there's NOT MUCH that would shock me, or gross me out. I figure, you only live once, right?) and, not to toot my own horn here or anything, but I know I'm very attractive to both men AND women.   

   

My husband is eight years older than me, and as he has said and I quote "I've never been with a woman with a high sex drive, to be honest, sex was a chore in past relationships and I've never really been with someone who I felt wanted ME". My husband is the sweetest, smartest, sexiest man I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, let alone falling in love with so at first I was in shock - how could they just not want him? how could he live without sex altogther? I mean, not to go into graphic detail but he's definitly the only man I'd ever met not to recieve oral sex until the age of 28. I guess for the most part I understand, as he is a real gentleman and treats EVERY woman he comes across with absolute respect (one of the reasons I love him.) If he says his ex's just weren't that into sex I BELIEVE HIM. They seem for lack of a better word, like prudes, and seem to think that men can/should live without sex in a relationship. I'm sorry, but I can't live without sex in a relationship, so for me, this man putting up with all he has and not going crazy? He's a saint! I would have snapped a long time ago!  

   

MY PROBLEM? Our sex schedules totally clash. He's not very good at intiating sex, and while I took up the brunt of this for a long time and didn't mind, lately I am wishing he'd just pick me up and scoop me into that bedroom already! I mean, he tells me a million times a day how sexy he thinks I am - we can't walk down the street without him telling me this man and that man are checking me out - but we don't have sex! When we began dating we were like rabbits, and now, it's hardly once a week. He's told me it's not me and he's seeking help from his doctor, but I am extremley discouraged. I feel unwanted and absolutely alone. I used to love when he'd come home from work and now it's a time I dread because I know we'll just sit there like roomates or something, completley non-sexual. I feel as if I am stuck in a sexless marriage already - to be honest, i expected something like this maybe when kids come along, but hey, this is crazy! I wish I could just smack him upside the head. How is it a man can acknowledge and get crazy jealous over others looking at you etc. etc. but when it comes to 'getting down to business' there's nothing at all?   

   

....I'm afraid. I'm working so hard to keep myself having 'those feelings' for him and trying to keep this little family we've just begun building together. I feel as if I'm trying alone though, and part of me has begun to self talk, I'm young, hot and have my whole life waiting for me. What am I doing?!  

I am 22 yrs old, my boyfriend is 23 yr old. He is diabetic...which I think is related to his low sex drive. We are also is a loving, healthy committed relationship. We have been together for 5 year and we live together . This has been a problem that I discussed with him for over a year now...Nothing has changed! I  know he loves me but I get so sexual frustrated. I feel rejected..unwanted...SO...I feel like i crave attention from the opposite sex. I would never cheat on him....but I am getting to the point where I don't know whether the relationship is going to sustain this. I asked him to talk to his doctor...he was reluctant...said he would...but he hasn't made the appointment yet. Should I give him an ultimatatum to talk to his doctor or I am leaving? How long should I wait for him to get around to making this appointment? I am very anger at the situation because I feel like he is ignoring me and hoping I will just get over it. Obviously it isn't that important to him, because if it was....It would already been dealt with. I am not willing to give up sex...is there a happy medium?
 
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May 5, 2006, 1:38 pm CDT

05/05 When Sexual Styles Don't Match

Quote From: lh2000

It is possible he is not going to the DR because he is afraid the DR will tell him there is nothing he can do and that will leave him.  So he keeps putting it off not to frustrate you but to keep you just a bit longer.   

  

Unless you can assure him that what ever the DR says you love him and are commited to him then I cannot imagine he has any incentive to give you bad news.   

  

Also the man has a medical problem that affects his sex drive and your are feeling rejected and unwanted?  Would you be happy with non-sexual attention?  The more presure you put on men the more they avoid it.  Fear of failure can make little peter very limp if you know what I mean.  You need a non sexual physical relationship and try to be happy with that.  Take off the presure and you will probaby hit a happy medium faster then with ultimatatums. 

The problem isn't impotence....There is no problem with that...It is just getting in the mood...Initiating sex. I am happy with a nonsexual attention...but at some point what is the difference between lovers and a good friendship? I really appreciate your input on this subject. I think he is worried it is going to be one more thing he is going to have to take.(insulin and thyroid medicine)THANK YOU
 
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May 5, 2006, 1:41 pm CDT

I completely understand...

Quote From: mschristal

 Here is my problem.  I am the wife and i am the one that wants sex.  Before my husband and I were married we had a great sex life!!!  We have been married for 6 months and for these months our sex life has been almost non-existant.  We used to have sex at least 10 times a week and now we might have sex 3-4 times a month.  I have talked with him about it and I have even told him that it makes me sad.  I have been turned down so many times that I don't even try and I even fantasize about having sex with other men.    We have talked about this SEVERAL times and he says "well, I hate that you feel bad.  it is not you .  not at all.  I just don't feel like it"  Unfortunately, that does not make me feel better. We are two young professionals in our 20's. It is not like were old and we don't even have kids so that is no excuse.   One of the things that really gets me is that there is such a stereotype that women are the ones that withhold sex and that is totally not the case in my house.  I can't help but think that other men would love to have a wife that would want to have sex.
I know what you are going through. I am in the same place..Good luck...if you have any luck..let me know.
 

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