Messages By: awindsor

Hi all, I'm new to the website and new to the forums. I am a wife and Mother of 2 (ok 3 if you include the husband LOL!). I usually pride myself on having a tough stomach. Not much makes me turn away, but after seeing that video for the first time, I HAD to turn away each time afterwards that they showed bits of it. I cried through the entire show and was compelled to run over to my boys and give them both HUGE hugs and tell them how much I love them.  

I can totally understand the outrage felt here today. I have to admit that I, too was surprised that the children were allowed to go home with their parents. However, those of us who have spent any time at all watching Dr. Phil know that he had very good judgement and a very straight moral compass. He would not have sent those kids home if he doubted for a moment their immediate safety. Notice how often he said he depended on the Father to not allow her to be alone with the children until the intervention was set up? Obviously this meant that there indeed was someone who would be going into the home in some capacity and ensuring the safety of those children and addressing the Mother's issues. Also, it was the Mother who called Dr. Phil herself. She didn't have to do this. She could've continued going on the way she was and no one would've been the wiser for who knows how long. This is the act of a woman who has independantly taken the first step, admitting she has a problem.   

Healing is possible for this family, and as long as healing is possible and the children's safety is assured by the intervention that Dr. Phil has arranged, then the family still deserves the chance to stay together. By what I saw today, as horrified as I was and as much as I stil lhave knots in my stomach, I have faith that this family will heal, and I can't wait for the updates!  

Dr. Phil made it clear that he and none of his staff had a CLUE of the depth of the situation. I wish people would try harder to know the facts and be aware of the situation before cluttering the board with your opinions!  

Don't get me wrong, opinions and outrage are bound to pour out over a show like this, but at least know what you are talking about before you do.  

It shouldn't upset you, Dr. Phil made it CLEAR that they had no idea of the gravity of the situation, AND he made it clear that they were originally scheduled for a show 2 weeks from when they actually aired it, but once he saw the tape he insisted on getting them on the show ASAP. These are the facts, now comment as you see fit! LOL  

I've been reading, and commenting a lot on this board. I have read a lot of the posts, but there's too many to read them all.  

However, I have read a couple that have commented on this show encouraging abusers to come forward and it occurred to me....maybe thats one of the reasons WHY Dr. Phil was less harsh on the Mother than we thought he should be. She has a problem, and she came forward to admit thatm publicly. How many abusers do that? And if she had done that and Dr. Phil flew off the handle, called her a monster and found a way to take her kids away and send her straight to jail right then and there (I have no doubt that Dr. Phil must have had some human desire to do that). What would abusers watching the show think?  

"Oh my God, if I come forward and admit I have a problem, my life is over, I'll lose everything!".  

The way Dr. Phil handled this, it accomplished multiple things. First, it accomplished safety for those children, and assured help for the parents. Thirdly, it sent the message to abusers that it's ok to come forward and admit you have a problem and get the help you need. If you are willing to admit you have a problem, and admit you need help, and submit to the system and work with the system to ensure your children's safety and your healing, you don't have to lose everything, and you DON'T have to continue to hide and go on doing what you're doing.  

It was an all encompassing solution, and to me, now that I think about it, the mercy and understanding was just as important as anything else he accomplished on that show. Maybe now, more abusers will be less afraid to come forward, and more willing to seek help and STOP what they're doing. This show may very well save the lives of many children. :-)  

If you watched the show, you should've heard Dr. Phil say, quote; "I CANNOTwatch that video and NOT report this!"  

All throughout the show it was made perfectly clear to the parents, the kids AND the audience that Dr. Phil was not going to let this go and that ppl were called and plans were made.  

Absolutely not doing anything just because she came forward isn't the right thing to do. However, just because Dr. Phil didn't have her led away in handcuffs doesn't mean nothing was done. There was a LOT accomplished on the show to ensure the safety of the children and help for the parents.  

Absolutely what she has done to her children is a crime. But I've seen enough of Dr. Phil's shows to have the faith in him to know that although we, as the audience may not have seen every last detail of the "solution", that he will not just turn away from this as he left it and carry on with his career. I have no doubt that Dr. Phil has personal daily involvement with this family, making SURE that the children are being kept safe and that the intervention is followed through to the end.   

Unfortunately with the world being what it is, many people turn the other way when they see something wrong. They choose to ignore it as none of their business. If more of us cannot take the steps to come forward when we see something like this going on, or suspect it, there is THAT much more abuse going on and that much less of it being stopped. This show, I feel, accomplished a great thing. It angered and frusterated me as much as most of you. But I've had a couple days now to calm down and think it through rationally. It is NOT better that she come on the show and walk away with nothing changed, but that didn't happen. It's better that they came forward, and that Dr. Phil made it clear that this abuse would not go on any longer, AND while doing that, also made it safer for abusers to come forward and admit they have a problem, and get help, rather than being afraid to come forward for fear of losing everything, and having the abuse continue behind closed doors and more children at risk. :-)  

I'm glad you aren't letting the criticism get to you. I have no doubt that almost every single Mother on this board can relate on SOME level to Karen, no matter how small. Of course I'm not saying that we all have that level of rage, anger or lack of control in regards to our kids.  

What I mean is, almost every Mom, specifically stay at home Moms (if we're to relate more specifically with Karen's situation I mean), know what it's like to feel some level of resentment, no matter how small over "losing" something in their lives, whether it's a job or career they chose to give up to stay home with the kids, or less "me" time, or a serious lack of social life. And most of us can also understand to varying degrees anger and frustration felt when children misbehave, act out, defy, lie, etc...and know what it feels like to want to yell and scream at them sometimes.   

Of course most of us have the knowledge and control to handle these frustrations and anger in much more productive and constructive ways. Ways that do not involve losing control and/or hurting our children.  And most of us have the wisdom to understand that even though there may be a small feeling of "loss" for choosing to stay at home, we have gained much more by choosing to have a family and be choosing to become Mothers. This, for most of us, greatly outweighs any possible resentment and essentailly makes it moot. :-)  

It's hard though, with this show inparticular, for anyone to admit being able to relate to Karen on ANY level. Because of course then there's the fear that they will be reacted to the way you were and accused of things that are not true. Admitting that you may be able to see a little of yourself in Karen, or relate to her frusterations in a small way, does NOT make you a child abuser, or a person with a problem. It just means you are human and not afraid to admit your faults! :-)  

Hey everyone! I would appreciate a few different angles and perspectives on my relationship with my husband. My opinion is that we very well may have a toxic relationship and that eventually it's all going to come to a head.  

We've been married for 8 years this past April and we have 2 sons, 5 and 7. I think we both came into the marriage with our own baggage and some trust issues. I'm his second wife. He was married for 5 years and the divorce was being finalized when we met.  

Our relationship moved fast. The issues began when we started having arguments. From the start we didn't argue like normal people. We fought, yelled, screamed and he layed his hands on me a few times. Never hit or slapped, but shoved, pushed, drug and I did end up with some bruises as a result. The worst one was when he tried to boot me out and drug me across the floor, grabbing me so hard my arms had bruises and my knees were totalled with rug burns. My back had a bruise from getting slammed up against the wall. I was pregnant with our first son at the time. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to make him out to be the bad guy. I knew how to push his buttons and when we fought I was nasty, and tried to push his buttons, big time. Occassionally going beyond that and bordering beligerant and rude, and doing and saying things I KNEW pissed him off big time.  

These types of fights occurred any time we tried to discuss our issues or feelings and work them out. Finally, the fights were fewer and farther between. It was less and less likely for is to try and talk through our issues. Finally, one night when we were fighting (christmas eve), our oldest son called us into his room and said "you guys should be good or santa won't bring you any presents."  

We havent' had another fight since that day. However, the toxic nature of the relationship NOW though, is this:  

The only reason we don't fight aymore is 100% because we simply don't try to talk about our feelings and discuss our issues anymore. Nothing has ever been resolved. We just each resolved within ourselves to take our issues with the other with a grain of salt, keep our mouths shut and don't talk about it. If we did, I'm pretty sure the fights would escalate to where they had before.  

It isn't doing wonders for our parenting, either. Naturally we can't discuss anything that we may disagree on where parental methods are concerned...and if we do, we just disagree with eachother then go do something else. Drop the discussion and ignore it. So day to day we wing the parenting. I guess we're lucky that for the most part our parenting styles are the same. There has only been a few issues that I have considered larger issues that we cannot agree on or talk about.  

So my opinion is that this marriage is based on silence, burying feelings and just ignoring disagreements. It's worked fine for us so far, if you were to meet us on the street and talk to us, we'd say our marriage is great. Ignoring our issues has made us "happier" at least on the surface, then we ever were when we were fighting all the time. But thats where my opinion of the toxic relationship comes in, and my interest in hearing some other views. To me, as "good" as it seems to work for us on the surface now...I mean, we're not yelling and screaming anymore, we're no longer constantly threatening divorce and our fights are no longer scaring and emotionally scarring our children. So it seems like a great deal. But it's only on the surface, right?   

Can we go on like this forever, or could this come to one hell of a nasty head one day? I appreciate all views, I'm curious to see what others have to say about my marriage. LOL :-)