Messages By: emilyelzbth

I can honestly say that I am not the type of person to get all caught up in the media hype of stories but this is one case that has made me think a great deal.  It's so sad to think of a beautiful, vibrant 8 and a half month pregnant woman killed for such selfish reasons.   Perhaps because at the time of that story, I had just given birth to my first child, a son just 6 months before. I was expierencing all of those first time joys with my family and friends.  It saddened me that Laci would never have the chance to celebrate those firsts.  I am not saying that I knew her personally and I try to keep things as such in perspective... like "Do I have a right to feel so sad?" I didn't know this person and there are people out there that really did know her.  For the most part, I get rather annoyed when people act like it's the end of the world that a person has passed, especially if they did not know them.  I am by no means saying that its not sad that a life has been lost but in my opinion some people go WAY overboard.  I never wanted to be that person ....going overboard or caring more than I felt like I should-- but with this case I just couldn't help myself. 

I still find myself thinking about this case.  In fact the due date for my second child was Feb. 5th (the same due date as for Connor but a year later).  That's the first thing I thought of when they told me my baby's expected due date.  It made me sad to think of the family not celebrating the Connors 1st birthday that year.  I suppose it's kind of like how I feel whenever I hear the date Sept. 11-- the saddness is the same.  If that makes sense.  In a way I was hoping our baby wouldn't be born on that day because of the sadness it made me feel.  I realized that sounds crazy but it's honestly how I felt. Our daughter Sylvia was born on Feb. 8th.

I'll never forget the time we were checking into a hotel and I saw the "Welcome the familes of Mr, and Mrs. Scott Peterson" sign in the lobby.  It was the strangest feeling.. poor guy to have a the same name as a man associated with such horrible crimes.  It's almost as if the world isn't letting me forget about this case and how it makes me feel-- perhaps because this case has how lucky I really am to have two beautiful children and a wonderful husband.

In my opinion, kids should sleep in their own beds from birth on.  For the first 2 or 3 weeks home both of my children slept in our room but in their own bassinet.  Our son has slept in bed with us a few times-- one time he was sick and the other time was a bad storm.  Our daughter has never slept in our bed overnight.  Both children have been allowed to nap in our bed with us on the occasional Sunday afternoon.

I have a friend who used to not only let her daughter sleep in bed with her and her husband but she would spend the entire night SITTTING UP because that is the position her daughter liked best.  If she'd try to lay down her daughter would start crying.  This is a nearly 14 month old child at the time!!!!!!!!!  I couldn't even imagine.

This same friend swore she learned her lesson with her first born, a son whom she did not get to sleep in his own bed until he was almost 5 years old..and even then she'd have to spend an hour or more in his room on the floor everynight until he fell asleep and then she'd have to sneak out of his room.  Ironically, she really got serious about her son sleeping in his own bed soon after she started having an affair with a man whom she invited over to share her bed later on in the evening.  All while her husband was out of town working.  That is of course is a different topic meant for a board entirely.

Both of my children slept on their stomachs and if I have any more, they will too.  I always feel like I need to give numerous explainations when I mention this to people but honestly, even my OBGYN chuckled when I told her this and said "So did mine."   I think more parents let their children sleep on their tummies than are willing to admit it because of the negative stigma attached to the idea of tummy sleeping. 

I also used the microwave to heat up baby food and water before adding the formula to it.  I didn't breastfeed at all (that was due to medication I was taking though), I used unboiled tap water for formula.  Sometimes, for late feedings, rather than walking downstairs to heat a bottle up, I admit that I just ran warm water and added the formula.  I gave both of my kids cereal at about a month old and started them on fruits soon after (mostly a little mixed with the cereal to prevent constipation).  I absolutely believe in the "Cry it Out" method, both of my kids have always slept in their own beds, and they've always gone to bed awake, as in I've never rocked them or "paced" them to sleep.

  So I did all of the "wrong" things-- or rather "No No" things that they say you shouldn't.  But hey, what works for my family doesnt always work for your family.  If people would just realize that... parents who parent in a different way than the "right" way (or rather suggested) would feel a lot less guilt.  I feel guilty writing this message and worried about how people will react. I'm hoping,..it will ease other parents guilt about the things they've done that they have heard were "wrong".  There is no right or wrong way to parent..of course there are studies that say this is better or that is better but for every study that says it's better for a baby to sleep on it's back, there is a study that says it's fine if a baby sleeps on it's tummy.

Oh one more thing about the tummy sleeping vs back sleeping.  I graduated with a woman that had a baby die of SIDS-- her baby slept on it's back.  She was a smoker though--another thing that raises the risk of a SIDS. I think if someone smoked in my house or if I had a premature baby, I would be more inclined to sleep a baby on it's back though-- since they're are already exsisting factors that are considered risks. 

My son spent some time in the NICU.  Ironically ALL of the babies are slept on their stomachs.  I asked the nurses why it was that they slept the babies on their tummies if the suggestion was for them to be on their backs... "Well they sleep better on their stomachs." was the reply.. Humm insteresting.. Of course I realize that a baby being monitored as closesly as NICU babies , the risk of SIDS is far less since they are normally hooked up to monitors that will alarm the staff is anything is awry but still.. in my opinion, this hospital isn't setting a good example-- "Practice what you preach."  Very hypocritical to get an infant used to sleeping on it's tummy (lets remember some NICU babys are there for months) and expect the parents to sleep them on their back when they get home...

Bravo! This is what I was hoping people would take  away from my comments.  Every family is different!  I wouldn't say spraying your child's room with Monster Be Gone spray or reading them a story or singing to/with them before bed is spoiling your kids by any means.

The main reason I am not for co-sleeping is because I like my bed space.  I can't sleep if I have someone right on me (which when our kids nap with us in the afternoons they sleep right up close to my back).   Also when they were babies, I always worried about accidently rolling over on them or something like that. Of course hearing the horror stories from my friend who let her children sleep with her didn't help either.    I think co-sleeping works for some kids and perhaps for others it doesn't.  I'm sure a lot of it has to do with how the situation is handled as well-- like anything, boundries need to be in place... i.e. once the child turns such and such an age, they will be expected to sleep in their own beds,etc.

Our little guy will crawl into bed with us sometimes in the morning if he wakes up early-- he'll sit in bed with us while we snooze a few extra minutes and watch TV.  He's of course full of energy and is laughing and jumping all over the bed.  :o)

Do you think that perhaps if you allowed your son to sleep in the same room as you but say in a Pack and Play (or if you think he's ready a toddler bed) he might settle down that way?  You could put the pack and play where he'd be able to see you and perhaps that'd ease his anxiety of not being in bed with you.  I think this would be a good way to transition him hopefully to his own room, own bed (well if that's what you want for him).

It's probably worth a try.  Good luck.

Emily

Great to hear it worked!  It must be wonderful to have your side of the bed back...enjoy it! You deserve it!  :o))