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Messages By: lind24

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May 16, 2006, 11:39 am CDT

The father's just too accepting of wife's behavior

Dr. Phil, 

  

I cannot believe that this woman's husband, sat there, watching the video 

with absolutely no emotion.  He held his wife's hand?  I have truly seen it all. 

  

Neither of those parents care for those children.  I can't help but wonder if 

they wouldn't be better off in ChidCareUSA? (or similar?)  I'm hoping relatives 

seeing this show will step up to the plate and care for these poor, scared and 

abused children.    

 
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May 16, 2006, 12:20 pm CDT

You are truly remarkable!

Quote From: captain225

When I watched this program, I had no idea what I was in for. When I saw the way that mother was beating, yelling and degrading her son like that, all of my pent up anger and agression at my own parents instantly boiled to the surface. I was watching the fathers reaction while he watched the footage for the first time, I did not see enough surprise and disgust from him as there would have been from me if that was my wife treating my children that way. When Dr. Phil asked the father what he thought of the footage and his reply was "I had no idea, I'm kinda shocked", I was so full of anger at that point that I was yelling at the TV at the father.  

  

I was beaten and abused as a child very much in the same way as that boy, but from my father and I had a few broken arms and ribs to live through,  the awful thing is that my mother would instigate it. I admit I was not an easy child to deal with. When ever I got in trouble my mom would say to me, "just wait until your father gets home" which always meant a sever beating. A beating with, fists, belts, feet, stairs...it was loads of fun <sigh>. The crazy thing was that my mother would stand in the back-ground and be yelling to my dad to stop and once he was done, she would console me by saying "it was my own fault and for my own good"  (what a load of crap). After awhile when she would try and console me and I would let her know that it was her fault that dad beat me and that I blamed her.   

  

This actually began when I was a baby, but became more sever as I got older, once when I was 15 my father came after me and I had had enough, he struck me across the face and I just looked at him, no tears, no pleading, just stared into his eyes. This made him even more pissed. I saw him clenching his fist and he began to swing a punch at me, I grab his fist before he could hit me and I smashed him back and back and back ( it felt so good), he began to swing back and the next thing I remember is waking up with a suit case in front of me with a note telling me to move out and never come back. Before I left I went to my father (which I was no longer afraid of) and told him that if he ever laid a hand on my younger brothers and sisters that I would be back and he would pay dearly for his mistakes. My mother said that his temper was never as bad after that day and that he never got after the kids as bad as he did me.  

  

It took me many years before I wanted to try and have a relationship with my dad again and it is minimal at best. I know he feels bad for how he was, but I have never told him how it made me feel. After watching this program and noticing how quickly my anger, hate and rage came to the surface, I realize that I am not ok and that I need to have a good long talk with both my parents...which may or may not ruin what relationship we do have, but at this point, I dont care.  

  

I always swore that I never wanted to be like the dad I had, but sometimes I feel him coming through me and I hate him and her for that. I am such a kind person by nature, but I was beatn' so much that its almost like a natural reaction to feel such agression towards my own children. I will let you know that I have never beatn' my own children and never will, it is a battle within me that I fight all of the time, but I am winning the fight and my kids will never see the father that I knew.  

  

I dont know if I should thank Dr. Phil for having this episode or not, because of this program I know now that I am not over the hate and anger for my parents as I thought I was. But I guess this is good because now I can seek the help I need.  

  

This woman, on this episode, should have gotten help, long before 5 kids!  Her husband is actually teaming with her against the children.  She's a very selfish woman; she chose not to get help.  

  

 Although, I have never been abused, I have two close friends that were, often. 

  

They, like yourself, are intelligent and know there's no "Fine Line" between right 

and wrong.  What's wrong is wrong and it was never their fault.  They were the 

babies, they were the children.  Where were their caring role models? 

  

They also know they didn't deserve to be hit, no one does.  Absolutely nothing was 

their fault, they were babies, they were children.  

  

Their parents were supposed to protect them from people like this. 

  

Both friends chose not to have relationships with their mothers and fathers.  Their parents don't 

deserve the piece of mind that comes from having a son or daughter, closeby.   

  

My friends now have peace in their lives.  They relocated, one has many wonderful friends, 

the other has wonderful friends and in-laws. 

  

They're happy and trusting and most of all, at "Peace".  

  

  

From your letter, I can tell you're strong. Bless you for stopping the "Domino Effect", and not 

hitting your children.  They sound like they have a great Dad with a great head on his shoulders. 

I hope you will move away from anxiety and continue with your own children and friends that deserve your time and attention, and bring you happiness and peace. 

  

Best Wishes for you. 

 
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May 16, 2006, 12:29 pm CDT

05/08 A Mother’s Rage

Quote From: lkomo30

I need to know that these children survived the plane ride home.

I know...good point. 

  

Mother's selfish to pretend she wants help 5 kids later.  Husband is actually teaming with her against the kids, too.  I wish kids could be taken somewhere, together, to be well cared for...
 
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May 16, 2006, 12:50 pm CDT

05/08 A Mother’s Rage

Quote From: domcall

I agree with you. These people should be in jail. I can't believe their children are back with them.
Well put!
 
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May 16, 2006, 1:03 pm CDT

05/08 A Mother’s Rage

Quote From: poison

 I don't care if  I get any backlash here.
Although I am happy that this woman reached out for help, I must say that, I hope someone from where she lives saw the show, and called Child Protective Services on her.
I honestly hope that these children have since been removed from the home unil this woman deals with whatever issues she may have. Women like her should not be allowed to even have children.
I see this type of anger everyday in my line of work, and worse abuse at time also. I work with Drug Addicted mothers. I call Childrens Aid (I live in Canada), and the children do sometimes get taken away, and when that happens, plenty of time the mother will go out and get help.
Seeing children raised in this type of environment is wrong. Letting these things happen is wrong. These kids are although, scarred enough in thei rminds that when her kids come home and are drug addicts, pregnant at 14-15-16, I hope she doesn't wonder "Wheer Did I go wrong?"
Lady, you went wrong in alot of ways.

AMEN!  If she REALLY wanted help, she would have seeked it a long long time ago,. 

Instead, she chose to spend her time creating 5 children to beat and abuse, instead 

of spending a few hours each week for much-needed help! 

  

This is obviously an act; I'm not sure what she hopes to gain...only she knows. 

  

 
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May 16, 2006, 1:43 pm CDT

My Adoption Story

Quote From: amanda252

i have a 5 yr old girl, her bio father left when she was 6 wks. i know he lives in ohio, but dont know where and likely to say he hasnt seen her since she was 6 mths old. she knows her dad( my husband) who has been with us since she was 5 mths old, wasnt there when she was born,. but is confused whether or not he helped make her, so when is the "right" time to tell her? we will never lie to her and always answer her questions as honestly as we can. i fear the day when she learns the truth, i just want her to have a happy, normal life. any advice is welcome

Hi, 

  

Trust me on this, please, as I know well: 

  

-Tell her her "bioligical" father lives in another state, as things didn't work out 

with you both at such a young age. Her age, however,  depends on individual personality and maturity.  It is "shocking" to find out such info. at any age. Maybe your husband could explain, first.  He could say he really wanted to take care of both of you. It was meant for him to be your "Dad." 

  

_ Please make clear a "Dad" is the one who takes care of her.   

  

- Once you both tell her, please drop the issue.  Don't ever treat her differently (better or worse than normal).  Forget about it... 

  

- If she has a happy home, I don't think she will need to open any cans of worms, and find  

anybody.  It's just not necessary. 

  

Hope this helps - Good Luck 

     

  

 
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May 17, 2006, 10:06 am CDT

05/08 A Mother’s Rage

Quote From: stabaez

 Yes what she did was uncalled for and outrages but you know what we ALLLLLLLLL have problems some are just more exposed then others.  Drink, drugs, sexual problems, lust, insecurities...these are alllll things that are a problem but because hers is so heart renching it's so easy to tear her down.  I feel bad for her.  Yes the kids, yes the babies but she was once them in some other situation and she is just the example of what happens when a child is devastated and has no one to help them and they grow up.  Yes she needs the help but lets look at the fact  that she did something that NO ONE WOULD WANT TO DO and that is go extremely public with her issue.  Her husband didn't write the letter, her children didn't write the letter.  SHE WROTE THE LETTER.  She was desperate for help that she would willingly allow cameras to come in  and I give it to her because she could have faked the funk when those cameras were there but she was real and as much as everyone wants to look at her sin and point the finger, we need to look at her cry for help.  Her kids cried for help, well their cry won't be silenced until their mother's cry is heard.  Yeah snatch those kids from her may be everyone's answer but didn't anyone hear how these kids loved their mom and didn't want her to get in trouble.  These kids weren't begging to be out the home.  That little girl was rubbing the mirror in hopes that one day she could  get that love back from her mom.  If the mom reads this, please don't get discourage and I commend you on not hiding anything, not playing games but being real.  You will get the help you need if you continue in that honesty but you need to find the true joy in being a mom.  Dr. Phil was wise in his approach and I know you will be a guest showing how his help has changed your life.  This may sound really corny but I would be right where you're at but I have given my life to Jesus and I know it's because of him that I don't fall into that anger.  If you haven't already, Think about it.

ARE YOU KIDDING?! 

  

Think about this: 

We ALLLLLLLLLL are not bullies to small children!  If YOU haven't already, put 

yourself in a small, scared, defenseless child's world, day after day. 

  

She chose to have a child, another child, another child, another child, another child 

ALL THESE YEARS to kick, punch and intimidate.  She knows she should have  

spent a few hours each week seeking help, but chose not to.  Just like she chooses 

to be nice to her friends. 

  

Please take off your "rose-colored" glasses, and see how these children live, day to day. 

  

I CERTAINLY  WILL JUDGE!  I HAPPEN TO FIND CHILDREN A PRECIOUS GIFT!     

 
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May 17, 2006, 11:33 am CDT

05/08 A Mother’s Rage

Quote From: mommyof2pa

When Dr. Phil was talking to the two kids he told them that it's not their job to do what for their parents? The quote hit me at the time and it really meant something to me. Something I can even relate to as an adult with kids of my own, trying to deal with my own parents issues. It's been bugging me ever since then because I forgot what he said! Can anyone help?

HI, 

Dr. Phil said it's not their job to fix their mom... 

  

(hope this helps!)  

 
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May 17, 2006, 11:55 am CDT

05/08 A Mother’s Rage

Quote From: jfrizell

I read your message and I don't know how to react.  I think I am in shock.  If Karen did not go too far, what is too far to you.  So you think Brandon was just pushing her buttons, to get a lift of confidence because he is training to be an adult?  That is the craziest statement I have ever heard.  What could he have done that would have warranted to be hit and abused like that?  Well, like you said, if it comes to telling your kids they are acting like idiots or hitting them you'll pick the first, they need to know when they screwed up.  Well you are acting like an idiot, and you are screwed up.  Seriously, what is wrong with you?  What kind of person would actually blame the children in the mattter?  You were looking for something  to be "deeper wrong" with this mother?  What in the Andrea Yates section?  How do you plan on your kids contributing to society if you rip their souls out?  You think because you have five kids instead of two, you get to mistreat them.  Wasn't it you who gave birth to five kids.  That does not in any way give you a right to abuse them.  Wow!  Your poor kids.     

I'm in shock, too. 

  

We (five kids) grew up together in a pleasant environment, with pleasant 

parents...we were NEVER abused.  People choose the way they treat 

their children. 

  

     

 
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May 17, 2006, 2:26 pm CDT

05/08 A Mother’s Rage

Quote From: lmish728

You are right.  My nieces and nephews didn't want to leave their mother at first.  But when they did and saw how different and peaceful life can be then they had a different feeling.  My niece and nephew never want to go back to live with there mother because they don't trust her, even though they can see she is doing better now.  They still love their mother and want to see her from time to time, but they never want that life again and will never give her a chance to treat them bad again.  Sometimes children really don't know what they want until someone makes the decision for them.   I will give empathy to a certain extent, but they make the choice to abuse and have more children and that is why I feel the right to judge also.   By the way - it doesn't always matter if the parent gets therapy or parenting classes.  My sister got therapy and went to countless parenting classes and she kept behaving the same way.  Some people just don't get it.

I'm so relieved for them!  You obviously are, too.  You sound like a great 

aunt or uncle.  Good Luck   

 

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