Message Boards

Messages By: anon_slc

User Mood
Touched

Message Emote
blank
August 9, 2006, 3:24 pm PDT

UNDERSTANDING THE BORDERLINE PARENT

Anyone who had the misfortune of being raised by a parent who is cruel, vicious, vindictive, calculating, manipulative, a liar or cheat may benefit from reading some of my favorite books which provide a great introduction into the subject of family systems and dysfunctions:        

   

Understanding the Borderline (Parent) Mother Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson  OR  Surviving a Borderline Parent:  How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries and Self-Esteem by Kimberlee Roth and Freda Friedman   

   

Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss    

    

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward    

    

There are families that are so destructive that the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  As painful as it may be, make a promise to yourself to leave so that you can begin a life of healing and recovery so you can eventually learn to live a joyful and peaceful life.     

 

Hope it helps!

 

 
User Mood
Touched

Message Emote
blank
August 25, 2006, 2:50 pm PDT

CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE - DEFINED

Child sexual abuse (1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys) occurs among all groups of the population. It happens to children in both rural and urban areas and in all socioeconomic and educational levels, and across all racial and cultural groups.

There is no rule governing the age range between a victim and a perpetrator. Generally, children are sexually abused by adults who are related to them or known by them or their families.

Sexual abuse is forced, tricked, or coerced sexual behavior between a young person and an older person.

Child sexual abuse may consist of any one of the following acts:

1. Nudity 2. Disrobing 3. Genital exposure 4. Inappropriate kissing or fondling 6. Masturbation 7. Oral-genital contact 8. Child pornography 9. Digital penetration 10. Vaginal or anal intercourse

Acquaintance perpetrators are the most common abusers, constituting approximately 70-90% of all reported perpetrators. In sexual abuse cases committed against females, approximately one third to one-half of all perpetrators were related to the victim. Only about one-tenth of the abusers were related to their male victims.  

 

 
User Mood
Touched

Message Emote
blank
August 25, 2006, 3:03 pm PDT

WHY REPORT CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE IN 72 HOURS

If the sexual assault has occurred within 72 hours of a physical examination, forensic evidence collection should be conducted.  A complete physical examination, including careful documentation of any lacerations, ecchymoses or petechiae, is critical. Physical examination of the oral cavity includes inspection of the hard and soft palate for bruising or petechiae, and inspection of the frenulum for any lacerations that can result from forced oral penetration. 

 

Rape evidence collection kits are available in the emergency department of most hospitals. Evaluation of acute sexual assault may be conducted in an emergency department setting or, if available, at a children's advocacy center. In nonacute cases, the office of the family physician has the benefit of being a familiar location for the patient.  The physician should maintain a gentle and calm demeanor and be considerate of the apprehensive child. It is helpful to explain the examination beforehand to the patient and caretaker.

 

Medical problems include anogential trauma, bleeding, irritation or discharge, dysuria, frequent urinary tract infections, encopresis, enuresis (especially after continence has been acheived), pregnancy, diagnosis of a sexually transmitted disease (STD) and oral trauma. 

 

Children may present with somatic complaints such as recurrent agdominal pain or frequent headaches resulting from the psychologic stress.  Sexual acting-out behavior is the most specific indicator of possible sexual abuse.

 

Child sexual abuse generally refers to sexual acts, sexually motivated behaviors, or sexual exploitation involving children. Child sexual abuse includes a wide range of behaviors, such as:  

  • Oral, anal, or genital penile penetration
  • Anal or genital digital or other penetration
  • Genital contact with no intrusion
  • Fondling of a child's breasts or buttocks
  • Indecent exposure
  • Inadequate or inappropriate supervision of a child's voluntary sexual activities
  • Use of a child in prostitution, pornography, Internet crimes, or other sexually exploitative activities

Sexual abuse includes both touching offenses (fondling or sexual intercourse) and nontouching offenses (exposing a child to pornographic materials) and can involve varying degrees of violence and emotional trauma.   

  

The most commonly reported cases involve incest, or sexual abuse occurring among family members, including those in biological families, adoptive families, and stepfamilies. Incest most often occurs within a father-daughter relationship.   

  

Mother-son, father-son, and sibling-sibling incest also occurs. Sexual abuse is also sometimes committed by other relatives or caretakers.   

  

Consider the possibility of sexual abuse when the child:  

  • Has difficulty walking or sitting
  • Suddenly refuses to change for gym or to participate in physical activities
  • Reports nightmares or bedwetting
  • Experiences a sudden change in appetite
  • Demonstrates bizarre, sophisticated, or unusual sexual knowledge or behavior
  • Becomes pregnant or contracts a venereal disease, particularly if under age 14
  • Runs away
  • Reports sexual abuse by a parent or another adult caregiver

Consider the possibility of sexual abuse when the parent or other adult caregiver:  

  • Is unduly protective of the child or severely limits the child's contact with other children, especially of the opposite sex
  • Is secretive and isolated
  • Is jealous or controlling with family members 

The presence of a single sign does not prove child abuse is occurring in a family; however, when these signs appear repeatedly or in combination you should take a closer look at the situation and consider the possibility of child sexual abuse.   

  

Hope it helps!  

 
User Mood
Touched

Message Emote
blank
September 4, 2006, 7:37 am PDT

DISTRUCTIVE FAMILY SYSTEMS - GET OUT!!!

Anyone who had the misfortune of being raised by a parent who is cruel, vicious, vindictive, calculating, manipulative, a liar or cheat may benefit from reading some of my favorite books which provide a great introduction into the subject of family systems and dysfunctions:     

  

Understanding the Borderline (Parent) Mother Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson  OR  Surviving a Borderline Parent:  How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries and Self-Esteem by Kimberlee Roth and Freda Friedman  

  

Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss  

  

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward  

  

There are families that are so destructive that the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  As painful as it may be, make a promise to yourself to leave so that you can begin a life of healing and recovery so you can eventually learn to live a joyful and peaceful life.   

 

Hope it helps!

 

 
User Mood
Touched

Message Emote
blank
September 4, 2006, 8:07 am PDT

PERSONALITY DISORDERS AND PERVERSIONS

Some of my favorite reads on the subject of the dynamics of relationships by narcissism and aggression both "self-directed" as in masochism and "other-directed" as in sadism and the resulting perversions:    

  

Aggression in Personality Disorders and Perversions by Otto Kernberg   

   

Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss OR The Narcissistic Family:  Diagnosis and Treatment by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert M. Pressman

 

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward   

 

It is disturbing to learn how the roles of hatred, envy and other transformations of aggression play in relationships and in antisocial behavior.  There is a direct path from regressive infantilism to psychosis and sexual deviance.    

  

Hope it helps!   

 

 
User Mood
Touched

Message Emote
blank
October 16, 2006, 4:58 pm PDT

13 Children Die on the Streets of America Every Day

In America there is a common misconception that children runaway from home because they are societal delinquents who want to be free of authority. The media depicts homeless and street kids as "rebels without a cause", as children who have no regard for society, who have no dreams and no aspiration for life but to get high.  

 

We know this portrayal of homeless and street kids to be false. In fact we know that 90% of children who run away have encountered mental, physical, emotional, and/ or sexual abuse. No child wants to live on the streets. No child want to have to beg, steal, sell drugs, and/ or themselves just to survive.

 

More than half of the children on the streets are still under the age of 15.  Unable to legally work, these kids get involved in ciminal activity just to survive.  Based on current estimates, there are more than one and a half million children, teenagers and young adults trying to survice on the U.S. streets today.  Children now make up 27 percent of the fastest growing segment of the U.S. homeless population.

 

For more info:   www.turnpurple.org       

 

The Turn Purple Campaign is the nations' first campaign against child abuse and the resulting problem of youth homelessness. 

 

 
User Mood
Touched

Message Emote
blank
October 17, 2006, 8:38 am PDT

DON'T RUNAWAY - TELL SOMEONE YOU CAN TRUST

Anyone who had the misfortune of being raised by a parent who is cruel, vicious, vindictive, calculating, manipulative, a liar or cheat may benefit from reading:  

 

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward  

   

Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss  

  

Surviving a Borderline Parent:  How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries and Self-Esteem by Kimberlee Roth and Freda Friedman OR Understanding the Borderline Mother Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson  OR  The Angry Heart:  An Interactive Self Study Guide by Joseph Santoro and Ronald Cohen

 

If you tell your problem to someone that you can trust and still feel unhappy, unsafe, or uncomfortable, or if you don't trust anyone that you know, then you should CALL these numbers till you speak with someone you can trust:

 

National Runaway Switchboard   1-800-621-4000

Covenant House Nine Line       1-800-999-9999

Child HELP USA                1-800-4ACHILD

Stand Up for Kids               1-800-365-4KID

 

If you are unhappy or uncomfortable with something in your life it is up to you to change your situation and tell someone that you can trust. 

 

Hope it helps!

                           

 
User Mood
Touched

Message Emote
blank
October 17, 2006, 10:03 am PDT

CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE - DEFINED

Child sexual abuse (1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys) occurs among all groups of the population. It happens to children in both rural and urban areas and in all socioeconomic and educational levels, and across all racial and cultural groups.

There is no rule governing the age range between a victim and a perpetrator. Generally, children are sexually abused by adults who are related to them or known by them or their families.

Sexual abuse is forced, tricked, or coerced sexual behavior between a young person and an older person.

Child sexual abuse may consist of any one of the following acts:

1. Nudity 2. Disrobing 3. Genital exposure 4. Inappropriate kissing or fondling 6. Masturbation 7. Oral-genital contact 8. Child pornography 9. Digital penetration 10. Vaginal or anal intercourse

Acquaintance perpetrators are the most common abusers, constituting approximately 70-90% of all reported perpetrators. In sexual abuse cases committed against females, approximately one third to one-half of all perpetrators were related to the victim. Only about one-tenth of the abusers were related to their male victims.  

 

 

 
User Mood
Touched

Message Emote
blank
October 27, 2006, 8:28 am PDT

WHY REPORT SEXUAL ABUSE WITHIN 72 HOURS

Probably one of the most disturbing facts about child sexual abuse and incest, is that in 80% of reported cases, the mother of the victim is/was aware of the sexual abuse inflicted on the child, yet did little or nothing about it.  Just how responsible is a parent for failing to report or stop the sexual abuse of a child or family member? 

 

If the sexual assault has occurred within 72 hours of a physical examination, forensic evidence collection should be conducted.  A complete physical examination, including careful documentation of any lacerations, ecchymoses or petechiae, is critical. Physical examination of the oral cavity includes inspection of the hard and soft palate for bruising or petechiae, and inspection of the frenulum for any lacerations that can result from forced oral penetration. 

 

Rape evidence collection kits are available in the emergency department of most hospitals. Evaluation of acute sexual assault may be conducted in an emergency department setting or, if available, at a children's advocacy center. In nonacute cases, the office of the family physician has the benefit of being a familiar location for the patient.  The physician should maintain a gentle and calm demeanor and be considerate of the apprehensive child. It is helpful to explain the examination beforehand to the patient and caretaker.

 

Medical problems include anogential trauma, bleeding, irritation or discharge, dysuria, frequent urinary tract infections, encopresis, enuresis (especially after continence has been acheived), pregnancy, diagnosis of a sexually transmitted disease (STD) and oral trauma. 

 

Children may present with somatic complaints such as recurrent agdominal pain or frequent headaches resulting from the psychologic stress.  Sexual acting-out behavior is the most specific indicator of possible sexual abuse.

 

Child sexual abuse generally refers to sexual acts, sexually motivated behaviors, or sexual exploitation involving children. Child sexual abuse includes a wide range of behaviors, such as:  

  • Oral, anal, or genital penile penetration
  • Anal or genital digital or other penetration
  • Genital contact with no intrusion
  • Fondling of a child's breasts or buttocks
  • Indecent exposure
  • Inadequate or inappropriate supervision of a child's voluntary sexual activities
  • Use of a child in prostitution, pornography, Internet crimes, or other sexually exploitative activities

Sexual abuse includes both touching offenses (fondling or sexual intercourse) and nontouching offenses (exposing a child to pornographic materials) and can involve varying degrees of violence and emotional trauma.   

  

The most commonly reported cases involve incest, or sexual abuse occurring among family members, including those in biological families, adoptive families, and stepfamilies. Incest most often occurs within a father-daughter relationship.   

  

Mother-son, father-son, and sibling-sibling incest also occurs. Sexual abuse is also sometimes committed by other relatives or caretakers.   

  

Consider the possibility of sexual abuse when the child:  

  • Has difficulty walking or sitting
  • Suddenly refuses to change for gym or to participate in physical activities
  • Reports nightmares or bedwetting
  • Experiences a sudden change in appetite
  • Demonstrates bizarre, sophisticated, or unusual sexual knowledge or behavior
  • Becomes pregnant or contracts a venereal disease, particularly if under age 14
  • Runs away
  • Reports sexual abuse by a parent or another adult caregiver

Consider the possibility of sexual abuse when the parent or other adult caregiver:  

  • Is unduly protective of the child or severely limits the child's contact with other children, especially of the opposite sex
  • Is secretive and isolated
  • Is jealous or controlling with family members 

The presence of a single sign does not prove child abuse is occurring in a family; however, when these signs appear repeatedly or in combination you should take a closer look at the situation and consider the possibility of child sexual abuse.   

  

Hope it helps!  

 

  

 
User Mood
Touched

Message Emote
blank
October 27, 2006, 9:18 am PDT

DESTRUCTIVE FAMILY SYSTEMS - GET OUT!!!

Anyone who has the misfortune of interacting with a religious leader who is cruel, vicious, vindictive, calculating, manipulative, a liar or cheat may benefit from reading some of my favorite books which provide a great introduction into the subject of family systems and dysfunctions: 

 

Behind the Masks:  Personality Disorders in Religious Behavior by Wayne E. Oates OR Behind the Masks:  Personality Disorders in the Church by C. Marvin Pate and Sherly Lynn Pate

 

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward 

 

Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss

 

There are families that are so destructive that the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  As painful as it may be, make a promise to yourself to leave so that you can begin a life of healing and recovery so you can eventually learn to live a joyful and peaceful life. 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 

 

First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Next | Last
Return to Message Board