Messages By: tooemo

Some days it doesn't seem like it effects me, but deep down i know in the back of my mind that i'm thinking about how disgusting i think i look. I have the love of my life telling me that i'm the most beautiful thing he's seen but i see all these girls who are thinner than tooth picks and just get the feeling and paranoia that he's thinkin "Wow,  she's hot." It just makes me sick to my stomach that he actually looks normal and he's got this retarded looking girlfriend, me.  I hate having to look in the morning at myself. Some people say that this can be because of childhood influences by parents or friends. I realized i got it from my mother, except i'm much worse. We say the exact same things except i don't stop the critizism. I can take it as far as i can sometimes. It's actually hard sometimes to believe i'm getting compliments b/c I've never ever had anyone give me them besides family, friends, and kind people. But i'm starting to realize that i may be hurting others by thinking that way about myself. I usually lie. And somedays i think i actually look good, but the feeling never seems to last as long as i want it to. Yet, i keep telling myself that i don't care about what anyone thinks of me and i truley don't, but it seems that my appearance is the only thing standing in my way from being as happy as i should be. 

Hey everybody. I'm new to the website and message board.  My names Tiffany and i'm 16.  I hope anyone doesn't take this message the wrong way but i am having sex with my first boyfriend (who i love dearly). We've been going out for over 9 months and we've gotten so close and so connected but sometimes it's difficult to know what he's thinking and what he wants.  I have problems with self image and i've always thought bad about my looks. But when i'm with him it all seems to disappear. However, he has gotten under my skin and made me feel just as bad as before, only he didn't have any intention of making me feel that way but he did. He tells me everyday how much he loves me and how beautiful i am.  He's unlike any other 16 year old boy i've ever met. He's not always after sex but sometimes we find ourselves doing it every chance that we're alone. But we're only alone a few times amonth. Sometimes i'm not confident that i please him enough but he always knows how to please me. He's always trying to make me believe that i'm beautiful and just for him i tell him that i do believe. But i have my good days, and i have my bad days. I also have doubts that my fear of him wanting another girl who's much more better looking than i am.  But then again, he already knows what the consequences are for his actions are and i have a good feeling that he doesn't want to lose me over someone that he has no concern for.  I've been worried that if i don't perform well, then i can't satisfy him. Plus, there is a slight pressure on me b/c we've never had sex on my bed.  But i have hope that when we get our own apartment, that things will change for the better. We plan to get married someday if we can stay together even though it may become long distance. Please, if someone has any suggestions on this , reply. I'd appreciate it. 

Hello. I'm honestly going to tell you that i'm 16, only have had one boyfriend, which i'm still with and like you love him more than life itself. I've also never experienced this situation before, but i'll be of as much help as possible. I've always been afraid of being cheated on by my boyfriend. Though after 9 months i'm starting to feel alittle relief. First of all, you should want to know why he cheated on you. Secondly, you should want to know how he thought he'd get away with it so easily. I don't know if i'd be forceful when talking about this, but that's your choice. Lastly, you should want to let him know how bad it hurt you even if he doesn't want to hear it. I believe that no women, no matter what her position in life is, that she doesn't deserve to be hurt in the most horrible way possible. No man should ever sneak around even if he does have a reason. Every man should at least talk about whatever it is that is causing the cheating or the thoughts/feelings that could cause cheating. At least this would probably prevent it from happening. Other than that, he should tell you that he just doesn't have the same feelings about you as he did when you two first started dating. And if he does still have those same feelings, than you should tell him that if you want to be with someone else and me at the same time,  it would never work. If you've truely forgiven him than those thoughts would've disappeared and if sex is all you're thinking about as forgiving him than that's not the way to go. You two should talk things out and get everything off your chests. I hope it goes well, and everything works out. Glad i could be of service.  

I can't say i'm in your position and i can't say that i've exactly felt the way you do. I've felt like this before but it's different from yours. You shouldn't feel ugly or fat. If he doesn't want to be intimate with you then why are you two planning to get married? (But it's not always about sex of course). You shouldn't have to ask him for it (although there's definitely nothing wrong with it) cause he should be the one wanting to be with you in that way. Sometimes when me and my boyfriend would get the chance to have sex, we'd go for it and then afterwards i'd want to, you know,  hold him or have him hold me. I was just like once he got what he wanted that's all he needed. It felt like he wasn't interested in my feelings. That's something i'm planning to work on. Like you, i did feel emotionally rejected and used. Sometimes i still do. In my honest opinion, i think you should sit down and talk to him and let him know how your feeling and how he needs to do something about it. Theres so many ways that he can help, he just needs to know what damage is being done. He should know that if he doesn't want you in everyway then you know you can find someone who definitely does. Hope this helps. 

Hello. I hope this doesn't seem to odd getting advice from a 16 year old. But i can't help but respond to this. He shouldn't be giving you such a problem about an orgasm. He should be supporting and not egotistical. It shouldn't hurt his feelilngs b/c he can't give you an orgasm. He should be trying to find new "buttons" to push to give you a good start. He doesn't need to push your opinions aside and try to make it your fault just b/c he doesn't understand that it's not his fault. And it's not in your head. I believe that after you knew you weren't climaxing, you both began to put pressure on each other.  He put pressure on you by saying that it's all you. Everybody's different and that factor can't be helped. He needs to realize this, otherwise things won't change. Your body needs to above all relax and you need to find the right moment when you're both in the mood to tell him what buttons to push. ( And make him find it desirable) If you think it's going to make him feel inadequate, then reassure him that he performed very well for you and that you don't need an orgasm to have good sex. Everyone can have good sex without orgasms. The orgasm is just a bonus. This may be hard to believe but i can have an orgasm in about two minutes. The way my body first responded to sexual activity was that i didn't have an orgasm the first few times during sex.  I actually started to climax during another type of vaginal intercourse. (I hope this doesn't sound to bad) This other type of intercourse was "fingering." If you haven't tried it, you should get some tips about it and give it a shot. I think climax so quick is b/c in some way i felt that it didn't matter, and i was comfortable with that fact and so was he. Plus, my brain "trained" itself to know when the best pleasure was going on. I hope you don't think i'm giving you too much information but i'm only trying to help. I do hope that you can work this out and everything go's well.  

HI. My first question is why would he chose to have an affair? If you're married you shouldn't have the need or want to play the field in under cover mode. I believe that it all could've been avoided if he just expressed what he was feeling at the of his exploring period. He should've told you what his needs were and you would've done all you could to fullfill them. I think that you should talk to him about the affairs, why he chose to have them, and why he didn't tell you his needs and concerns about your sex life. (By the way, i think it's a good idea if you're not forceful in any of your conversations.) You should let him know that you've forgiven him and let him know that you're still sexually attracted to him. I think that he went the affair mode b/c he was probably having difficulties in a department and decided to give it to someone who didn't have to worry about any of his problems. If he can't open up to you then maybe you should go to group conceling and see where it leads you. I hope things go well. You sound like you have a lot of love for this man considering what he's done. You also have a big heart, courage, and strength to let your marriage continue and try to work things out.  Hope this helps.