Hello, I am new to this board and I am not real sure where I should post my "question". If I am on the wrong topic please let me know. My husband and I have been together for 20+ years, I was still in shcool when we met. We have had our ups and downs but all in all I feel we have had a great relationship. We have two wonderful children. My question is in regards to what would be considered a secret compared to what would be confidentiality in a marriage, I am thinking that this would probably change and be different depending on the couple. My husband and I have generally been each others best friend. He knows me inside out and backwards, and I felt the same with him. I will give you some info as to why after all this time, this is coming up within our relationship. For the past ten years we have had some pretty "bad" things happen within our lives, that in general, we have been able to "deal" with. My dad and brother (brother lived for ten years in a coma, took care of him at home) passed away and my husbands dad passed away, same month as my brother. Because of these issues, my husband had become depressed (though I feel he has alway's had a "low grade" depression). A man that we had met while out with friends told my husband about a group that he thought would help my husband. I was so busy I did not even pay attention to what this group was. My husband went away for a "mens weekend" and came back "completely different", gung ho, wanting to give this group money every month, and generally "a different person with different thoughts". I truly went through a grieving process as I felt the man I have loved for 20+ years was gone, his body standing in front of me, with someone else in it. He says this is not so and it is my imagination, but he became verbally abusive after his weekend, threatened to hit me, and became secretive. It has been approx 3 months and this has gone away in his personality. Though he has really lost a HUGE chunk of "who he is" and his confidence. I researched this group and found out that it is an LGAT which has "cult like" tendecies. (If you do not know what an LGAT is google LGAT.) The group enforces "secrecy" by having men promise to not talk about the weekend or what they went through. The men have to make a vow of "non-disclosure". We fought, in regards to this group, more than we have fought since we met. I feel a loss of connection with my husband now . Several things took place which has me anxious about sharing "myself" with my husband as he took personal letters that I had written to him to share with his new "mens" group. That being said, it had been understood that these things were to be kept between my husband and I, now I feel that my trust in him has been taken advantage of by this group. They have a couple meetings a month (which my husband has stopped going to now because of my "concerns"), and the men are not allowed to talk about this as well. Now, I understand that if someone tells my husband something in confidence, that he should keep that within confidence. One of the problems, this groups seems to teach men how to "get angry", but not how to integrate that within their lives in a healthy manner. This group encourages a man to share EVERYTHING with them. This group claims that they are "educating men to become better husbands and fathers", but they are really using Jungian Psychology, brainwashing techniques, peer pressure and what I think of to be abusive techniques on the men during the weekend. The men are not told beforehand what the weekend will be like, it seems as if they recruit men who are in a vulnerable time in their lives, and looking for something to help. From what I can tell with my research, many men get divorced within a year or so after the weekend. The claim is, this group is just teaching men to do what they would have done in the first place if they had the ba**s. I am truly trying to decide how to handle the "secretiveness" of this group. Is this really a from of confidentiality? or not? This has been a quandry for me as it feels that this group is taking intimacy between my husband and I and using it for their benefit. As I am "fairly "computer savy", I have found many things in regards to this group that has me very concerned. I have read the weekend protocols and many other documents (that are supposed to be secret), that has me concerned about the welfare of men and their families who join this group. My question I guess is, knowing a little bit about this group etc. am I "making a mountain out of a molehill", is this truly confidentiality or taking advantage of someone in a vulnerable position? Should I be concerned about my husband sharing "intimate" things with this group that I don't know? They do not have professional counselors, it is just a group of men who went through the weekend, and have guidelines they follow. Some of their suggested activities are pretty "concerning" to me, shaving each other, taking clothes off and wearing someone else's for the day, massages and many other things. Now I guess in general "whatever floats your boat", but, these are activities that the men are not allowed to share with anyone outside the "group", even their wives. So, I guess my queston? What does others think about what I have explained in regards to this group, and do you feel that this is "secretive" or "confidentiality?
Thank You!
