Messages By: raineegal

I am the parent of 2 girls 17 and 21, and would not take the chance of losing my relationship with my girls they mean the world to me.  Although I am supportive of them in the choices they make and advise them (sometimes strongly) when I think they are doing the wrong thing I still stay close with them.  If they just will not give up on the plan I let them go with it, but I can swear to you I have not been wrong yet about their choices of men and what the outcome will be.   

I also want you all to know that it is not easy being in a relationship or marriage with someone whose family does not like nor accept you, because the truth is your family are the only people who will always be there for you no matter what.  Take a step back and look at the reasons your family doesn't like your significant other and consider the reasons and be sure that you are right or are they? hmm 

Also if you have shared your troubles with your family regarding your significant other then that is part of the problem.  Don't air your dirty laundry to your family because they will always side with you and they will never forget the bad stuff. Find a friend or clergyman to talk about your relationship problems to. 

My 21 year old has recently gotten engaged to a wonderful young man who has a very sweet family and we all like each other.  They were friends first and he was a frequent visitor in our home before they even thought about marriage he is a good Christian man. 

For those of you who keep looking for love and hoping to find it NOW, wait it won't happen in your time, it happens in the Lord's time and when it does you will be 110% sure that it is right.  Remember this you have to be the kind of person that you expect in your mate! 

Some of you are so young and just looking for a way out of your current situation, be patient! 

Does the rest of the family keep the secret from the daughter too.  Secrets are not good!  I can't imagine what the daughter is going to do when she finds out that he is getting married and has been with you for 3 years but never told her.  He's worried she will quit school? What a lame excuse.  Are you sure you want to get involved with a family that keeps secrets?  What will that teach your children?  Do you think that will change? 

I was married to a man with a family like that, we have been divorced for 19 years and his family still is like that they have not yet learned.  I am thankful I am not immeshed with that anymore and that my daughter didn't grow up around that. 

Life is too short to be unhappy or to keep secrets.  The truth is the longer he waits the worse it will be when his daughter finds out the truth and she will.  Maybe he doesn't intend to tell her because he doesn't intend to get married.  Something to consider. 

Good luck. 

Wow, you are an angry hurt man, I hope that someday you let all that hurt go and move on with your life.  Because what good is it actually doing you?  The only person your anger hurts is you.  I used to feel the same way about men after years of abuse and bad relationships, I though there couldn't be any "nice guys" out there.  Not true, and the same goes the other way.   

I hated life, friends and men especially.  It took me 6 years to believe the man I married finally was really a good guy.  He took a lot of crap from me in the interim but we finally made it and have been married for 11 years next week and very happy I might add. 

Bad things happen to good people, good people learn and become better people.  I hope you turn your hate around and make something positive from all of your experiences, I did ( it wasn't easy) but I feel I have a stronger relationship and a much better character because of it.  Good luck to you we aren't all bad. 

God Bless 

I think you have a good plan provided you will not be living with him when you move back to your hometown.  After that when he goes wherever he is going and you are thinking about going, my advise to my daughter would be (and recently was) it is not a good plan to move across the US for or with a man without being married, if neither of you are ready to be married and committed in that respect then don't do it.  BE SURE.  BE RESPSECTFUL TO YOURSELF.  If it is ment to be it will be and it will be done right.  Good Luck 

Sorry Randy, but you just have to suck it up until your daughter is 18.  I'm sure it get's lonely but you have to weigh the consequences.  Bring a woman into your house and let your daughter get attached, find out she is a wacko, she leaves and your back in the same boat.  Your judgement isn't up to par when you have a bad track record until you are healed.  When you're lonely you don't choose well either..so just hang in there.  You know if God wants you to have someone he will throw her in your path, until then just keep being your daughters daddy.   

I have two grown girls and made some bad choices when i was single and lonely and now I am reaping the not so great rewards of whatching my daughters make similar and somewhat worse choices.  I just want to tell you how bad it hurts to see your 17 year old daughter leave your home to go back to live with an abusive man (after she just got out of the hospital) and there isn't anything left you can do short of a crime.  It all comes from the choices I made when they were young and no matter what I do I cannot win. 

So toughen up buddy and wait, you won't regret that choice. 

I am the mom of a 17 year old addict.  She started when she was about 13, at 14 she went into an outpatient rehab program and was clean and doing well for about a year and a half.  Had a job as a dental assistant full time and was doing distance learning.  I kept her with me 24/7 for 6 straight months until I knew she was clean and making proper decisions.  She was on a drug test patch for a long time (it collects sweat and dna for a week and then is removed and sent for testing and another is put on, there is no manipulating this test to be fooled).