Quote From: roxy_belleYou have already received some excellent input and answers to your query about whether your boyfriend is trustworthy. So I will be succinct - IMO no he is not. Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing. Sorry to quote the Doc there, but there is huge truth in that little statement.
My best advice - ask him if y'all can talk about boundaries re. porn etc - tell him you will be open-minded. Then be so. If you find you cannot come to agree on boundaries you are comfortable with, then perhaps this relationship is not going to work out. I hope it will. You have alot of time invested, 5 years. But IMO if y'all cannot come to an agreement you are both happy with on this topic, perhaps it is time to end the relationship. This is clearly a crucial issue to you and I understand why it is. Lack of trust is a killer. I know, I have been there.
Sending you best wishes hun, truly. Roxy
I said I have been there. I just realized I should elaborate a lil bit - forgetting that I shared my story 2 yrs ago. My husband promised not to use porn, said he understood why that was unacceptable to me, then he did so anyway. I eventually found out. Long story short - things got very ugly for a while, until I found this board. I chose forgiveness and he chose to be transparent about everything. He recommitted himself to the boundaries we had agreed on before marriage, and has kept to them ever since.
I talked about how lack of trust is a killer - and I know it can be. I chose to give my husband 99% trust back - but he knows and understands why he will never again have 100%. IMO getting through this kind of thing requires an open mind and willingness to discuss, on both parts, what has happened and why, as well as an ability to let go of the hurts from the past by the party who feels betrayed and a willingness to be an 'open book' by the 'betrayer'. IMO if either is missing, the relationship is eventually, or immediately, going to become toxic to both. I hope that won't be the case for you.
